Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Yes, for every two steps forward, there are times I feel like I take yet another step back. I know this is an uphill battle, but damn. Sometimes I think I am glad I'm 45, still young enough I can do this and have the energy and strength to fight this battle [for the most part]; other times I feel old, like my body is worn down and it makes me wonder if I can really do this.

I have finally started physical therapy. Yippee! It took so long to coordinate that shit. Ya, no rush, take your sweet ass time. My legs feel like marshmallows all the time, but that's cool. No, it's fucking not. The lack of giving any fucks these days to do the job people get paid to do is astonishing. Anyways, physical therapy is going great. Yesterday I really felt the burn. Wow. But on the flip side, my muscles are not sore today. I wasn't sure what I should be expecting. At the end of the day with physical therapy, I just want it to be beneficial to me and get me back to where I was so my body doesn't feel as weak.

I did another round of chemo this past Friday and met with my oncologist. He is happy with where my levels are. Woohoo! I did ask him about doing a full body scan to check and make sure there isn't cancer anywhere else. He agreed and ordered this. That should be scheduled soon. He also mentioned there is nothing in my blood work anywhere that indicates I may have cancer anywhere else but he understands for my peace of mind and making sure. Great! I am really glad he takes the time to listen and understand where I am at in all of this. Chemo itself was easy. One poke in my port, and the fluids were going. I have been paying more attention to the time after; the following several days after chemo because I am trying to pinpoint any side effects. I am certainly more tired, just like when I initially started chemo treatments. That is very noticeable to me. I want to sleep for way longer than I think I should, and most days, I just sleep as much as my body requires, but this will not last. Between chemo treatments, I am doing PT three times a week right now, so I feel like I am constantly on the go. I should have been back to work already, but I guess they still can't "fit me in", so I am still waiting. Once I go back to work though, have PT and chemo, christ, it's going to be overwhelming I suspect. But one thing at a time. I don't want to put the cart before the horse.

So my hair is growing back. Not super fast or anything like that, but damn, it's coming in thick!! Nice. Yesterday I got up and showered before PT. Towel dried it when I got out and it was sticking up everywhere. I decided to leave it. LOL. I know it's going into the awkward stage, so it may look funky a lot. It is what it is. It's nice to have hair again!

Hair everywhere and I don't care. Then there's my mad scientist eyebrows........lol.