Fuck. This. Week.

 Seriously, fuck this week. This has been by far the hardest week I have had yet since I started chemo. 

I napped every day this week. Every. Fucking. Day. I cannot believe I am so tired every day. My energy level is so low and I basically do nothing all damn day. It’s almost like what the fuck is the point of getting out of bed to essentially do nothing? Seems unnecessary.

Aside from having no energy and being tired with zero the little motivation, yesterday I was so sick. Sicker than I have been since all this started. I was a hot fucking mess and then some. I even vomited. That’s a first. And upon vomiting, not that I want to talk about it in great detail, but I noticed that dinner I had eaten approximately 18 hours prior, was still undigested. Well that isn’t Normal. Fuck me. Let me just add this shit to the list of what’s going on.

I am in some groups on FB about cancer, and breast cancer specifically. I decided to post in there about what I am experiencing and ask if anyone else has the same. I received many responses, and I think much to my surprise, yes, many other women are having the same side effects. I also asked about the longer you get into treatment, if your side effects get worse. Yep. That is the definitive answer. That explains a lot. 

I only have 4 more Taxol treatments left, then on to the next round of meds on AC a.k.a. Red Devil. No telling what that’s going to bring, let’s just hope I can get through these last 4 Taxol treatments without shit getting worse in the meantime.

8 Taxol Treatments Down The Shoot

I'm 8 treatments down as of today, and 4 more Taxol treatments to go...........then on to the next. AC aka The Red Devil, but more on that later.

Wow, 8 treatments down already. That seemed to go quickly. But that's great because I am ready to put this whole ordeal behind me. Like completely behind me. I still have a long road ahead though. Probably about another 12 months to go. 

This past week after round 7, which also started my new cycle, was ok. I was really tired and napped every day. I feel like at my age I should not be napping, but I am so tired I just give in. Then I expect to wake up feeling refreshed, and hoping to be productive, only to not feel that way. It is so boring just sitting around. I am not a tv watcher so that gets old quick. I haven't felt like reading, and everything else just seems like it's a huge challenge to even think about trying to accomplish. That's what I don't like; everything seems like a fucking chore.

Aside from sleeping about 12 hours a day and napping, I still had the bone/nerve pain (maybe neuropathy?!?) going on, however, if you recall I have been taking those alpha lipid acid pills, and much like everyone said, I do think they are working. Not 100% like I feel nothing, however, better than after my new cycle the last time, three weeks prior, so that's great! I hope the longer I take it, the better it works to the point where I won't have feel any of this pain. That would be great!!!!

Nothing else in terms of chemo treatment and shit to report really, however, it appears that the hair on my head is growing, much to my surprise. It's about 3/8" long and still has pink tips! I thought for sure at some point the spouts I have would just fall out, but they haven't! So weird. I haven't noticed any other areas aside from what I reported last week, where I've lost hair. Maybe that's it for me. Time will tell.

This week, well today, when I went for chemo, it was rougher than usual. Phlebotomist couldn't hit my vain in my arm to draw blood. I don't like her and I feel like she was being lazy honestly......but the second girl hit it the first time. They literally never have an issue taking my blood............then on to having my port tapped for my infusion. Poor nurse tried 3 times and couldn't get it. I was almost ready to have a heart to heart with him, look him right in the eyes and tell him to get it together. Lol. He is relatively new, and super nice, and I wouldn't want him to be scared of me, so I decided not to say anything. He got another nurse, the pro as I would call her, and she even had a hard time, but got it on her first try....barely. So I was poked and prodded way more than I wanted to be today, and not in the way I would have wanted either 😏  Once again I slept through chemo, just in time to wake up when it was all over. Nice!!!! Let's hope this week treats me better than last week!

Until I have new adventures to share.........

Just Checking In

Just checking in and I have notable items to mention. Hmmm, interested? Let's see.

This week was not as good as I had hoped. I had neuropathy (the bone pain I describe) kick in on Thursday, and although it has died down a lot, it's still going on, and I am on the 4th day since it started. Thursday and Friday were the worst, and I honestly thought after that it would go away, but yesterday and today, it's still happening. Fucking great. It is just uncomfortable. Obviously painful, but low on the 1-10 scale. I just figured out yesterday how I can tell you what it's like so you can relate (not that anyone would seriously want to). If you have ever had a shin splint, that's exactly what it's like, with the lingering pain effect. When it starts, you get a quick zapping pain wherever (mine are all somewhere from the waist down mostly), followed by the lingering shin splint pain. WTF? It's not cool.

I am a part of several facebook groups all about breast cancer, mastectomy's, wigs, all things related. I do read them regularly and also help where I can when other women in this same position, have questions. Yesterday I came across a post about neuropathy and read that aplha-lipoic acid pills help. This coming from other women who use them and say they work. Great. So I have those now and started taking them last night. Let's hope they help. 

I have been really tired this whole week. I have been doing a lot of resting. Way more than usual, but if that's what my body says, then rest it is. I am so sick of laying around though. Like over it. So over it.

I have also noticed a few new things this week. Things I wasn't looking for, but discovered them. As you know by now, I lost my hair a few weeks ago. I still have alfalfa sprouts though which is interesting. The tips are still pink too! How funny. What I discovered though is that I have lost some hair on other areas of my body too. I didn't really notice either until I looked. Leg hair, gone. Nose hair (inside), gone. Armpit hair, gone. The hair on my arm however, still fully intact. Same with my eyebrows and eyelashes. Cool. I like that I've lost my hair in the areas I would typically shave. Nope, that is a thing of the past for now. Nice!

6 Treatments Down.........

Here I am. 6 treatments down. Who knows how many left to go............

An update since I haven't said anything in a week! A whole week, that's a long time in this world for me to be so quiet. But I am not trying to bore anyone with stupid page filler info. Ain't nobody got time for that! (I hope you understand this reference), I personally find it hilarious).

So what happened last week in all the glory after treatment 5? Nothing much to speak of. Side effects were minimal. Tired of course and I slept more than I wanted to, but hey, it is what it is. I just have to listen to my body. I was also a bit more active than usual too. My son and his family came to visit, and I was so glad I could spend time with them, including my grandson who is now 16 months old already! OMG, he is just too cute, I can't even stand it! With this extra activity underway, taking walks mostly, I had some more of that bone pain occur. Given that this is not the norm for me on the weeks I only have Taxol, I am chalking it up to the extra activity. It's all good, it didn't get the better part of me, that's for sure. Don't get me wrong, I am not about to go run a fucking marathon or starting to train to be an olympian, I will take this all in stride though. Maybe this is the sign that I need to be a bit more active, just when we are about to be in the 90's every day. Perfect timing. 👌

This week, week 6 of chemo, I wish I could tell you how it was, but once again, I slept through it. That seems to be my routine. Get comfy, get my ice packs for my hands and feet, put some headphones in, play a movie on my iPad I've seen (which the last few weeks has been Bad Moms Christmas), pull my hoodie over my eyes or put an eye mask on, and promptly pass out. I seriously wondered if I would be able to sleep with ice slippers and gloves on, and clearly, I can. This wasn't the first time, and hey, it's a great way to get a nap in and catch up on any lost sleep. I love it! 💕 Today I had to be woken up by the nurse to tell me I was done because I was enjoying my nap a bit too much apparently. Wonderful. 

I am hoping to have another good week and feel good, perhaps with my regular routine of sleeping a bit more, but hey, I'll take it, because I know it could be worse, and I will take the victories where I can get them!!!

Let's talk about some fun shit now. My son and his family came for a visit. I was so glad, and although I have sent them a few pictures of me with no hair, I didn't want to make them uncomfortable and seeing me live, in person for the first time, bald when I picked them up from the airport. I had gone to the grocery store and my chemo appointment last week bald, and quite frankly it was no biggie. I wore my first wig ever the day prior to picking them up when I had to make a quick run out. Honestly, I loved it. It is amazing how, that in a matter of 5 minutes, I can completely change my look. It is so fun! So the day I picked them up I wore a different wig. Then the following day, another one. Let's keep changing it up. I keep telling my husband it's like he is getting a new wife every day. There were also a few times I just wore a cap. Again, mostly for the sake of my son and his family. I think for me when it comes to my son especially, he has never seen me without hair. Sure I have gone through many changes and styles, but I have always had hair. Before they left, I was sporting a bald head all day long. It didn't seem to phase them one way or another. I think my grandson with the changes in my looks every day was thinking WTF is wrong with you Pippa (the name I go by to him). He's looking at me every day like hey, your voice sounds familiar, but you sure do look different. LOL. And I am sure this trend will continue for a long time to come!

Here's to having fun with wigs (Not flags Sheldon, WIGS)! ~Reference, again~

Who's that girl? It's NOT Jess! (another reference, I am on a roll)!

Did I Speak Too Soon?

Did I speak too soon? Yes, why yes I did. Go figure. Here I was feeling great, and happy at that. No time for this cancer chemo side effects bullshit. And it was a Thursday when I posted my last update. By that time I would have normally experienced my side effects, but this past week was different.

What I experienced this week was not only later than usual, but it just sucked. It was late on Thursday, then all day Friday, and into Saturday. What a shit show. Thankfully I think all that is behind me, just in time to get another round of chemo tomorrow. This coming week shouldn't be as bad.

You know it's interesting what these drugs do and don't do to you in a way. Internally they are designed to stop your cancer from growing and shrink it which in itself is amazing if you really think about it. Externally is no big deal to me, the obvious and most noticeably being that I lost my hair. Did I also mention I am continuously gaining weight? They are happy with that too. My care team that is. They want you to gain weight. I guess in part that tells them my body is responding well. And then there's the mental part of it, which again, for me, this is just another thing I have to go through in my life. I don't see it as a big deal, and I am fighting. 

Why did I say I spoke too soon and what happened this past week after Thursday afternoon that it made me want to tell you about it? Jesus, let's go. First and foremost, I don't think I have ever slept so much in one week as I have this past week. 12-14 hours of sleep per night for the most part, then sometimes followed by naps. Like christ with the naps. I swear to fuck I slept more than a fucking new born baby. You would think after all that sleep, I would have energy, want to do things, and would get shit done, like basic housework. Nope, didn't fucking happen. Everything was just at a higher degree of difficulty for me regardless. Either way, clearly my body is telling me this is what I need, so that's what I did was listen. I slept a lot. 

What else? So as I described a few weeks ago, I had these shooting or shocking type of pains, especially in my inner knee area. Although I mostly felt these in my lower body, below the waist, including my legs and feet, I would occasionally get them in my hands too. I don't know if those shocking type of pains (thinking this is a form of neuropathy), build up or linger or what, but it makes your muscles where you get them, somewhat sore. Not like you overworked them, but it weakens them for sure. For instance, with my hands, I would be careful picking up something I normally wouldn't because my hand muscles don't seem as strong. I walk slower during this time too. Still, could be worse. What sucks is although brief, it is unpleasant. And I can tell you it'll either cause you to not be able to fall asleep, or the pains will wake you from your sleep. I guess for me it doesn't matter because I'll get my 20 hours in.

Anything else? Why yes. I'm glad inquiring minds want to know. I only lost my taste buds for one day. I'm used to that. No biggie. You want to talk about this wreaking havoc on your system. Yes, I also dealt with that. Thankfully no throwing up, but I will say this. You better be close to a restroom, ALWAYS. No fart is safe. Just remember that. What I find interesting about this ordeal is I am no longer feeling bloated (WIN), nothing is bothering me food wise, I haven't had indigestion or acid reflux since I started taking that medication again, yet my stomach is apparently having a fucking boxing match, UFC style. Bullshit. But again, could be worse, right? Don't fart, don't squat, and perhaps if I don't bend over, all remains in tact. So far so good 😙