Just when you think YOU KNOW SOMEONE

This is off the beaten path for just this post, but all relative. Over the last few days, I have come to what I think is a rather harsh reality check. Not at all what I anticipated, but here I am here, here we are, for those of you that are reading this.

There are people in this world that we all know, those we THINK we can count on, when the going gets tough, you know they'll be by your side. But are you really sure who those people are to you?

I mean think about this. There are more people in the world that are consumed with what people think of them and are so worried about keeping up with the Jones'  and that's what their entire world revolves around. Who has time for that shit? Personally, I could care less what the next person thinks of me, what I do, how I live my life or anything else. They don't pay my bills, deal with my day to day worries and don't walk in my shoes. Like who the fuck are they to even have an opinion about my life? But then some know-it-all asshole will come along. Talk to the hand. Seriously.

Now, I haven't really encountered many of the types of people I am talking about. At least not at this point in my life. Maybe that's because I just skip to the beat of my own drum and I am oblivious. Who knows. But here it's been one month and one day since I received my diagnosis, and I have uncovered some ugly truths, or maybe that's just my perception.

Let me back up a bit. I started this blog because on my neighborhood post, someone mentioned it. Although I had never done it before, I was immediately intrigued. What's stopping me from doing it? Nothing, and so there it started. I also found that this would be a great way for anyone interested in following my story, to do so. This also saves me from answering the same questions over and over or continually repeating myself. Nope.

Here's where I am at. I apparently had this preconceived notion or expectation that I would have supporters, those who I've known my whole life, like my family, and then those that are friends that I have chosen to be a part of my life. To some degree I do, and much to my disappointment, not so much. WOW. Mind blown.

I have those few that will support me throughout this journey, no questions asked, that really exceed my expectations and what lengths they will go through to help me. My husband, my bestie, my youngest sister, my son, and a few great friends. The rest of those I expected to be around, seemingly could care less. How sad. Well clearly I know where I stand. Is this selfish of me to think this way? I don't think so. And actions speak louder than words.

I mean I seriously have neighbors, co-workers and complete strangers giving more fucks than people I've known for so many years. Really? Well fuck them. That's where I am at. 

I never want to be one of those people who gets to the end of my life, knowing the end is near (hopefully because I am 100 years old), and have a bunch of regrets. and a lot of should-haves, could-haves, and would-haves. No. Not my style.

So for those I am thinking of that could give a fuck, what would you think if I didn't beat this battle? Would you then be living with those same thoughts? That's on you. You go live you life, living in your bubble, not giving a fuck about those who care about you, and see where that takes you. I am gong to live my best life, fight the hardest battle of my life, and I don't need your help to do it.

When push comes to shove, and you need me, need my help or want something from me, lose my number instead. If I thought I could count on you and I couldn't, that's now become a two way street. Playing your video games is more important. Spending time with your boyfriend/girlfriend (that likely won't be around in a few months) is more important. Watching that TV show is more important. Ok, that's cool. Go fuck yourself. I've got this and some great people behind me as well. I don't need you. At least I knew early enough on so I could rule you out.

Have a nice life.

Pro's and Con's Continued.....

            Pro - I may lose weight :)

Forgot about the Pros and Cons

What happened to that last post? I forgot about the Pros and Cons, the very header that started that blog. I am calling this as of current day, 'Cancer Brain'. Things that seems so simple yet you forget them.

Back to what I was saying before I forget again..........

Pros and Cons. Three simple words. In all of this, this diagnosis and everything going on surrounding it, I decide not only am I going to have photos of this entire process and a scrapbook, but I am also going to highlight what I deem to be the 'Pros and Cons' of this entire process. Those things that will come to me on a whim.

I have my list started, and it is short at the moment. As more things come to mind, I will randomly add them to the bottom of my blog. Enjoy!

Pros

•     I get to have fun with my hair, while I still have it, and get to do things I normally wouldn't
•     I won't have to shave, not my legs, not my underarms, won't have to worry about shaping my eyebrows. Score!
•     I get to wear wigs and I am going to have fun with this for sure
•     I already love wearing hats, and now I will wear them more frequently!

Cons

•     I'll likely be really sick
•     I'm going to be tired, a lot
•     I will have to have someone take me to my chemo appointments every week because I cannot take myself
•     I will temporarily lose some of my fierce independence

I am at 50/50 right now. I mean that's not too bad, right? I will remain optimistic.

Pros, Cons and Other Thoughts

 Let's make the best out of a bad situation. That's what I'm thinking. Could this situation be better? Of course, it could NOT exist. Could it be worse? Yes, by far, much worse.

I have a thought. At some point in the future, I am going to have this battle behind me. Not any time soon, but I will at some point. And as we have all experienced in our lives, memories will become far and distant. This is not one of those things you just forget about at some point. It shouldn't become a distant memory, and for me, it certainly will not.

I decide I am going to "capture the moments" of ALL of this. 

I make a very bold choice to post a quick overview of my situation and story on a local group where I live here in Texas. I am not afraid to put myself out there, however, I am also not one to 'air my business' all over town either. 

In my post I say, "I am hoping I can find both a hair stylist and a photographer who are willing to donate their services. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 weeks ago. I am 44 years old. I go in next week to have a mediport put in and start chemo the week after. I will have chemo for six months, then a double mastectomy, followed by a hysterectomy and possible radiation. I want to have one last hurrah with my hair and make it fun before it all falls out. I want to do a few different colors and do something I normally wouldn't so. Additionally, this is a journey I want to follow start to finish. Now, before my treatment starts, during and after. I want to snap pictures along the way and create a scrapbook so I can look back after I've beat this and remember how far I can and the battle I fought. Thank you for taking the time to read my post :)"

This was HUGE coming from me. I am not one to ever ask for hand outs, let alone help, even though I do realize at some point during this battle, that indeed, I may have to ask for help. It is hard for me. I am a strong, independent woman who doesn't rely on anyone for anything. I am self sufficient, or will be, until I am not.

I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of my neighbors. By far way more than I expected, and not just for the ask I had, but just for the words of encouragement so many people had to offer. The comments about my approach and attitude to this situation, how I was admired for all of the courage and strength I am bringing to this fight, then those who are offering their support overall. Amazing. Truly amazing. It really restored my faith in us as humans who are just losing our shit the last 2 years because we are all cooped up at home, not having social lives and becoming care takers, teachers, housekeepers, chefs, more than ever before, due to this pandemic. 

I feel so good. Just practicing for this fight I have now and ahead of me.

I meet with a photographer, Brandi of Live Beautifully photography (livebeautifullyphotography.com) and Live Beautifully Photography on FB on Monday, February 21, 2022 near my home at Little Elm Beach. Brandi is absolutely wonderful. We talk a little bit, take some pictures, talk some more, and I just love her spirit. She is genuine and sincere. A care taker by nature. She sees the beauty in all things. I think, this is going to work out great, and it does, until shit gets real. Brandi is snapping pictures of me, and I am being goofy to a point, serious at other points, but never too serious. We are nearing the end of this session, and reality sets in. I start crying. I start crying because I realize the reason I am sitting there having my pictures taken. It is a quick flood of sad emotions, and Brandi is there to comfort me. She is a saint. She didn't have to do that. I regain my composure, she snaps a few more pictures and that's it. We are done.

As I drive home, I feel that everything just aligned that afternoon. Brandi and I were destine to meet, to take on this journey together, through my eyes and her lens. I cannot wait.

My dear friend made this video about me, and my story. I wanted to share it for everyone to see!

What's Next?

It's been a few day since the visit with my oncologist. In my mind, nothing has changed. It still is what it is. Breast Cancer, that needs to be treated.

It is Monday, February 21, 2022 and I arrive at the first plastic surgeon's office bright and early at 7:30 AM. Wow, it' early, especially considering I work overnight. I am never awake at this time of day, but I have business to take care of. Serious business. 

I meet Dr. Alexander Nguyen. He is great, thorough and right to the point. No wonder Dr. Anglin referred him. Exactly what I like. He wastes no time explaining all of my options. First thing. Second thing. I don't know what order they came in, but let me sum up our conversation. The day I have my double mastectomy, he would come in right after Dr. Anglin based on what I decide to do. Perfect. Let's do this in one shot. Right, oh, it's not quite that simple. 

My first option is have the double mastectomy, and be done, where he never has any part of it. He can put a "spacer" in as a place holder because he won't do anything initially because my body will be required to heal from the double mastectomy, which will take 6-9 months. Wow, this is dragging on a lot longer than I had hoped. I can then get implants, or use my own tissue to transplant into my breast area. I was surprised to learn this. I have never looked into plastic surgery, so I have no experience with this at all. 

The things to consider. Hmmm. I make my decision on my way out of his office, after weighing the pros and cons that seem to be simple. 

• I can be flat chested (not ideal).
• I can have breast implants placed (this would then require implant replacement surgery every 5-10 years). Too invasive for my liking.
• I can use my own tissue, it's one surgery, and done. I like this idea. The downside is that he would take tissue from my belly which would leave a scar hip to hip.......not thrilled, however, this is essentially the same as a tummy tuck, so perhaps a bonus!??

I decide on the last option to use my own tissue. This way there is also nothing foreign in my body and I will not require any further treatment. Perfect. Sign me up. 

We didn't talk nipples. Let's not forget about those. How important are these? To me, they are very important. He tells me right away that my nipples will not be saved. I did not want to hear those words, but wait, there's more. After he told me about the implants or using my own tissue, we then got on to the nipples discussion. Did you know that there are 3D tattoo artists who can 'create' nipples for you? Simply amazing! Custom designed. Who would have ever thought this would be a thing. 

Now off to the drawing board......

Playing the Waiting Game, But Not For Long

MRI has been completed. Now I wait for the results to go to my breast surgeon. Good thing in all of this is I am not holding my breath. 

My next appointment is scheduled with my breast surgeon on February 16, 2022. The wait isn't long. I don't know if that is what I wished for or not. I've just been going through the motions, setting up all the appointments I need to, making the calls required for those, and then just tending to my everyday life.

Dr. Anglin and I have our tele visit scheduled, and I wait more. Love Love Love this waiting game. 45 minutes after our appointment time comes and goes, it is THAT time. If you recall, the previous plan was to do surgery about the first week of March, followed by radiation. Amazing what a few days can do to change your plans.

She reads my MRI results and tells me the mass is not 1.2cm, but 1.8cm. There is a "webbing" pattern where the cancer is 'spreading it's feelers out'. Now this 1.2cm mass is 1.8cm, and the feelers are spread 3"-4", or for those that are following, 9cm. Ok. What does this mean? She recommends a double mastectomy. This is the very first time I get emotional. I cry. Right then and there. Part of what defines me as a woman is now partially being taken away. I have no words. No Words.

I regain my composure and continue, grateful my husband sat in on this call. She also discloses the results of the genetic test I took in her office on February 1, 2022. I have the BRCA1 genetic mutation. What is this? I had no idea and she explained it. BRCA1 is a human tumor suppressor gene (also known as a caretaker gene) and is responsible for repairing DNA. BRCA1 and BRCA2 are unrelated proteins, but both are normally expressed in the cells of breast and other tissue, where they help repair damaged DNA, or destroy cells if DNA cannot be repaired. Wow, my body is a hot mess from what I gathered from that piece of the conversation. She also informs me that as this is genetic, my siblings should all be tested, as well as my son. Good god, yes, please, let's drag others into this.

This entire thing to this point has drastically changed all in the manner of a phone call, and I am on a slippery slope, and not the fun kind like a ski hill. This was going to be a seemingly simple lumpectomy with radiation, now, a double mastectomy, no radiation, possible chemo treatment, a full hysterectomy, and reconstruction surgery, which will require yet another doctor. A plastic surgeon.

Now here it is, 2 days later, February 18, 2022, and I meet with my oncologist, Dr. Carlos Taboada with Texas Oncology. Honestly, another great doctor all the way around. I have really hit the jackpot with my care team. At least something is going right. He is thorough, very detailed, and takes a lot of time to go over everything with me, as my husband is by my side for this appointment too. He recommends chemo, once a week for 6 months. Six. Months. That is a commitment. And this would be prior to surgery as what he wants to accomplish is shrinking the mass and stop the cancer from spreading further. Ok, now that makes sense. He also said the following week I will be scheduled to have a full body scan to see if there is cancer anywhere else in my body, along with a mediport implant, and a heart test. Could I possibly go through anymore? Take any more of this information overload road I have been on? Apparently so, because it just keeps coming, and there is no end in sight.

As if the information I receive today from Dr. Taboada isn't a hard enough pill to swallow, he also lets me know that with 100% certainty I will lose all my hair........I will likely be tired, and very sick, and I cannot drive myself to and from my chemo treatments, once a week for 4 hours per session. As I leave the office to go get blood work taken, I walk past the room where many chemo patients are currently receiving their treatment, thinking soon, I will be joining all of them. Kick her when she's down, kick her when she's down. 

I take all the information substantially better than I would have thought. I am at the point of no return, or I will just expire a lot sooner than I ever planned on, if I don't act, and now.

I get my blood work taken that day and set up the date for my first chemo treatment, Monday, March 7. I don't have much time to live my best life, so time to get the party started, while I still can.

                                        

Hello, Are You There? Did You Find It?

It's Monday morning, the "Great Texas Winter Storm of 2022" has passed. The rain did freeze but melted 2 days later. No one batted an eye about the events of the storm that just occurred 48 hours prior that they all freaked out over. Nuts! But great, maybe this means I can hit the ground running on this Manic Monday, right? Nope. Wrong answer. Everyone is backed up for being off work for 2 whole days. OMG! Get it together people. And if you think I can make this up, I cannot. Not as hard as I may try. Now offices aren't answering their phones because they are trying to return all the calls they missed the last couple days and rearrange schedules to fit in all the appointments they had to cancel. Fan-Fucking-Tastic!

I had a scheduled doctors appointment with my PCP for Monday, February 7, 2022. I wanted to get my blood work done to see if there are any other mysteries, parties or adventures developing within my body. I go and I almost instantly regret it. I saw this new PCP, Nurse Practitioner for the first time last year in June for my annual physical. I didn't like her then but decided to give her a second chance because my former PCP set the bar so high, I may have been too judgmental, with those high standards once again. No, I certainly did not. She walks in, confirms that she received the information on my breast cancer diagnosis and proceeds to tell me that I need to quit smoking and work on my sugar addiction. Pardon me? You just walked in. I have had no blood work done yet and you are coming to these conclusions already? Go eat a bag of dicks you rude ass bitch. She then elaborates on my sugar addiction (which I forgot to mention is not a thing for me) and says that a sugar addiction is one of the hardest to beat and it is going to be tough. I guess I wasn't feeling as witty as I normally do that day, because later on I had thoughts on that statement.....Are you telling me it's harder to break a sugar addiction in comparison to heroin? Crack? Meth? So you are telling me if I go use heroin, I can break that habit easier than my alleged sugar addiction? I would have to agree with none of your opinions. I also then thought that perhaps her degree came out of a cereal or cracker jack box. I will not be seeing her again.

Progress has begun to be made, finally. I scheduled my MRI appointment for this Thursday, just 3 days from now, February 10, 2022. Perfect. Act like YOUR life depends on this shit as much as mine does. I also have a follow up appointment with my breast surgeon on February 16, 2022. I'm glad things have finally started moving along. It's about damn time!

The day of my MRI comes. I am feeling excellent. I even dress sassy and walk like a boss (see photo below). I feel so good about myself and am so confident. I get to my appointment. I wait and wait. Ok, well whatever. Not my favorite thing to do but I am at their mercy at this point. I finally get in. The MRI tech tells me to undress from the waist up, put this gown on, and remove all my jewelry. Fuck me. I hope you plan on working overtime tonight. (My earrings are a pain in the ass to get out, and I rarely take them out for that reason; I have 12 earrings between both my ears and have long nails). He needs to insert an IV. Fine. That's not hard, at least not in my experience of getting poked. How many times can I be wrong? I dont know, but this is another one of those times. I tell him to take it from my left arm, in the crease. I know this place is a winner. Always has been. He said "How am I supposed to see your vein? I have never drawn blood from someone with a tattoo there before" (I have a full sleeve with no bare skin anywhere). I looked at him flabbergasted. I then asked "I am not a phlebotomist or anything, but aren't you supposed to feel for the vein and not look for it?" I said "You get one try. Let's get it right the first time". Blank stare. OMG, my confidence in this guy is very questionable. He decided he will get it from the top of my left hand. Not my favorite place at all! First poke, hit, then missed. Second poke, same results. He indeed hit my vein but failed to hold the needle in place and it popped out. I look him in the face and say "Frances, this third time needs to be the charm. I have confidence in you that this is it." all the while thinking OMG, I will do it myself if you can't do it, with zero confidence as I lied through my teeth. Third time he goes in through my left arm in the crease, where I told him to do it. Congrats, here is half a gold star for you today! 

I climb onto the base of the machine, lay face down and insert my boobs each in a "boob cutout". Mind you, this is my first MRI, and I had no idea what to expect, which is par for the course. Tech asks me if I want to listen to music and says it'll be loud in the MRI tube. I said "sure" and he then asks what I want to listen to. As sassy as I was feeling, I said "surprise me", and that he did. He hit the nail on the head and played 80's rock. Granted this is not something I normally listen to, it matched perfectly with my mood. He tells me it'll be quick. Well, don't ever assume that you and another person define "quick" the same way. He said 25 minutes. I was thinking more like 5 minutes. Whoops. Good thing I wasn't in a rush. My MRI is done. I can get dressed and leave. Woohoo!

Doctor, Doctor

A breast surgeon. The name seems self explanatory, but what do I know? I am not a doctor, definitely not a surgeon, and this entire subject, diagnosis and next steps are all foreign to me.

I get the name of a breast surgeon as recommended by the Solis Mammography. I call to see what's next, what I should do, schedule an appointment. I really don't have an inkling. 

I make an appointment with this breast surgeon, Dr. Beth Anglin of Complete Breast Care (  https://www.teamcbc.pink/ ) for February 1, 2022, just 6 days after I received my diagnosis. Well, this is moving right along. Perfect. Just the way I like it. No bullshit, no waiting 3 months to "get in to see a new provider" or any other absurd excuses. I don't have time for your shenanigans. I have shit to accomplish, and quick. Let's just get to it. Time is of the essence.

I go to my appointment and meet Dr. Anglin as well as her Nurse Practitioner, both of whom are incredible. Everything about these two doctors is more than I could have ever hoped for. Dr. Anglin is extremely detail orientated, well spoken, concise, thorough and has the best bed side manner of any doctor I have met in recent years. I am glad to be under her care.

My appointment goes well. Quite frankly, I am on information overload. Like serious information overload. FML. She tells me the "mass" is 1.2cm. How big is that? Again, no idea. I don't measure anything in cm. How am I going to remember everything she has mentioned? I should have had a tape recorder, because later in the day when I am trying to repeat this information to my husband, it is going to appear as if I have amnesia. 

Fortunately, she gives me a binder with all the pertinent paperwork and everything I need to move to the next step in this seemingly never-ending process. At this point, I have decided after much discussion, that I will have a lumpectomy, followed by radiation. Ok, I can get behind this. Yes, it'll be super inconvenient and disrupt my life, but I will have a life and won't be six feet under. There's a pro to add to my pro con list (more on this later).

Here are my next steps, as discussed with Dr. Anglin:

• Bloodwork today (for genetic test, in her office). Easy.
• Schedule an MRI for a in depth look; she provides referral information (thank god!)
• Schedule an appointment with an oncologist, which she also provides a referral for, again, thank god!

So wow, back to the drawing board. I just went through a similar situation, and I felt like a damn telephone operator because all I did was spend hours upon days making phone calls, to turn around and schedule appointments for the same, and here it is all over again! Like Christ! That's how I want to spend my days, because who wouldn't? Who needs sleep? Ya, not me, on all aforementioned.

Now on to making more appointments. I start making calls as soon as I get in my car. I am not even waiting until I get home. I need to move with a purpose. No answer at the oncologist's office. Coincidentally, his office is in the same parking lot, and I consider just walking in to set something up, but I feel that may be a bit of overkill, which I will determine in just a few days, that is indeed what I should have done. I reach the imaging center, but they have not yet received the order that was just faxed over. FAXED? I didn't realize this was still a "thing". So, I will "get a call back when they receive it." I am relentless and call first thing the next morning. I don't receive any calls back. I call again that afternoon. Again, no answer and I leave a second message. Odd, right? Are my expectations set way too high when I suppose that asking someone to actually do their job, that very thing they get paid to do, to actually do it? Yes, yes is the correct answer.

It is Wednesday afternoon in this ghost town of doctor's offices. Thanks, thanks for leaving me hanging you douche bags. I live in Texas. Honestly, it's a great place to live, but some things are ridiculous. Being from Chicago and living in the north 34 years taught me things I never knew until I moved here. Some good and some bad. And then the absolute laughable bullshit. Texas, basically as a state" is preparing for the storm that is coming." Is it a hurricane? Is it a tornado? It is a tsunami? Is it an earthquake? NO. No to each of these preposterous thoughts. It is going to rain!! Watch out. Not rain! Keep in mind with this, that people can't drive here when it is warm and sunny. So rain comes and it's shit show city. Granted the rain was due to come and then the temperatures were also expected to drop down to around freezing later that evening, so we are in a crisis situation. What happened? It rained (it's a miracle!!), and the temperatures did drop, and the rain froze. No one worked the remainer of the week or left their houses. Schools were closed. And because of this nonsense, I now must wait until Monday to make any potential progress. Fuck You Texas for disrupting my agenda!

The Battle Began and I Didn't Even Know It

January 2022 started out seemingly like any other year aside from the issues we were already dealing with with Covid. The other monster that the world has been battling for damn near 2 years now.

You go about your day-to-day life, just getting past the holidays and life back to "the new normal". 

I went in for my annual mammogram, screening on December 18, 2021. I usually go in October every year, but 2021 was just a rough year for me, my family, and my life in general. After putting my screening off for almost 2 months, I finally had my appointment. There was nothing different about it; nothing out of the ordinary, until I get a call from them. The call that would be potentially life changing. 

I received a call, which I missed, and a voicemail to follow. The voicemail is generic. It says "We are calling about your mammogram you had done recently. Please call us back," Well with me and my hectic schedule, working full time overnight and a part time job a few days a week during the day, I forgot. A few days later, another call with the same vague message. This time I call back, so it doesn't get thrown by the wayside yet again. Clearly, they want to talk to me.

I reach someone in the office, and they say they would like me to come back for an ultrasound. They see something, and just want to "check it out". Yes, let's get it checked out. Now I don't know if it's me bring naive, or perhaps me thinking they may be being extra cautious, or paranoid even, but I submit to their demand. I schedule and appointment for an ultrasound on January 11, 2022, and of course, I go. Ultrasound goes well, I think. Or not? Because I am then informed, I should come in for a biopsy as they have indeed located two masses, both in my right breast. What? I'm stumped. This cannot be cancer. There is no history in my family, I feel really good, every year, every screening has been fine. So I ask, "Could these just be cysts?" The radiologist tells me, "No, cysts are clear and will not appear as a white spot on a mammogram or ultrasound. These are both masses, and honestly, I am concerned. They don't look good." Well Happy Fucking New Year! 

I schedule by biopsy for January 25, 2022. I will admit, at this point, I am still not concerned in the least bit. Denial? No. Optimism. Yes, perhaps. I go in for my biopsy, and it couldn't have gone any better. I even see the specimen they collected. This tiny little thing. I'm advised they should have the results in 7 - 10 days, and here the waiting begins. I still feel like I feel every day and go on with life as usual, thinking nothing much of it. Much to my surprise I get a call on January 26, 2022, with the results. I am ready, thinking, hey, it's nothing. I WAS WRONG!

The radiologist, who I must say had the best bed side manner and delivered the news in such a great way, I couldn't even be mad. He said, "We biopsied two masses identified. The one in your lymph nodes came back and is benign, it's just a mass. The one in your breast came back as cancer. It was caught very early, and we can treat this. Please tell me what question I can answer for you." Hmmmm. I have no idea. I was not prepared for this. I didn't think this is the call I would get, and I sincerely don't know what kinds of questions I should ask. He provides more information and recommends a breast surgeon, which is my next step. OK. Another doctor. Exactly how I want to spend my free time between both jobs. I mean I couldn't think of anything better to do, however, this is a HIGH priority item.

I tell my husband, who has a look of shock, as I would expect. I am still at this point, feeling no different than I have been, even with a cancer diagnosis firmly in my hands. Perhaps the gravity of it really hasn't hit me at this point. I just found out. Maybe it needs time to soak in. How long or when should I except this to happen? I am clueless, so I guess it will happen when it happens.

6 days after my biopsy and the healing looks horrible!

The Battle Begins

So here I am, a 44-year-old woman, seemingly doing things right in my life. And then the bomb dropped. I have breast cancer.

Let me take you back a bit.....I have always been in good health. I have periodically been overweight but gotten it under control. Nothing ever drastic. Just one of the great stages of aging.

I have always looked substantially younger than I really am. So much so that I have been at the grocery store buying liquor, had my teenage son with me and have been asked to card both of us! What? I say, "This is my son. He's 15 years old. He doesn't have an ID." I have been generously rewarded, thanks to my grandmother, with aging gracefully.  

I try to do things right in my life. All things? No. I mean, really, who does? So yes, I smoked (currently a former smoker), for many, many years. Way too many, yet that be known, I have very few wrinkles. Jackpot! No other bad habits to speak of, and certainly nothing health impacting. I like to drink on occasion, I drive faster than I should, and I swear, A LOT! It's just who I am.

Tell me this. I do a lot of things right my life, yet I get a cancer diagnosis. I have been going in annually for a physical, getting my blood work done, going for an eye exam every year, going to the gynecologist every year (until I had a partial hysterectomy 2 years ago), going for a mammogram every year since I hit 40, but apparently that is just not good enough. Could I exercise more? Of course, but honestly, I just don't like it. At all. I am a foodie; I love to cook and bake, then eat it. Cooking and baking for those I love too. I am not selfish.

So, despite mostly doing all the right things, I now must fight likely one of the biggest battles of my life, and you know what? I am ready. Bring it on! I have so much to live for and my time won't be up for several years.

Me living my best life? Yes, maybe, before all this.