Here's Some Random Misc Shit For Your Reading Pleasure

Random Shit? Yes, that is what this is all going to be about. Shit I am currently going through, have gone through and may face in the future. Things I likely didn't think to jot down along during my journey, so here goes.....

Shaving. I finally had to shave under my arms this week. What a bummer. I have shaved my legs a few times over the past few weeks. That's an even bigger bummer. I can assure everyone, I did NOT miss shaving at all, but now all my hair is growing back. Some is for the good, and some is just a nuisance. The hair on my head has been growing back for almost 4 months. It is growing so slow. But let's look at the upside of this. Not only is the hair on my had growing back, but it is growing back a dirty blond. I don't think I expected that given my age, but hell ya! I'll take that over gray (even though those fuckers, the few I had before chemo and cancer and all this shit), have decided to return. Ha. Fuck it, whatever, I have hair! My eyebrows, yes, they are growing back too. Cool, if I want to walk around looking like a mad scientist. Because that's what I look like, and it has nothing to do with Halloween. Lol. So either you see the platinum blond eyebrows looking like a mad scientist, or you don't see them at all. And not only that, but it appears my left eyebrow is thicker and fuller than my right one. How odd. And I have my eyelashes back too. Cool. Not that I missed them. I never wear makeup. Enough about hair already. Perhaps I was making up for lost time since I had no hair to talk about for months. Ha.

Sleep. Let's talk about this. It's up and down. It's like a love/hate relationship. I swear. One night I will sleep like shit, and then another and so on. Then I sleep like a rock. So either my body is just exhausted, or I was actually able to sleep for a change. I bought a maternity pillow this week. What a game changer. This thing is so comfortable and soft, it feels like I am snuggling with a cloud. I love it. Something about being able to snuggle with this pillow also helps with my expanders, them moving and me being able to get comfortable, and laying on my side. Yes, I have been sleeping on my side!!! What a game changer. It is still so weird and uncomfortable, even after 5 weeks to try and sleep on my back. It just isn't natural for me. 

Nerve pain. It blows. I've noticed a few things over the last several weeks and didn't know what to make of it. One of my dogs would step on me and it felt like their little paws were digging in more than usual. My dogs weigh 6 - 11 pounds, so they are small, and I normally don't feel that way. Then I started noticing more and more, with other things and any kind of resistance against by body. Then a quick shooting/stabbing pain. I was finally like WTF is this and what is going on? Oh ya, those are my nerves throughout my body just fucking with me. OMG. Surgery and chemo can really reek havoc on your body, even months after the fact. Christ. I had no idea, but now I get to live with that shit. I hope it's temporary and goes away over time, and I am glad it isn't constant.

Scratching and not scratching the itch. So you get an itch, you scratch it, and then on to the next thing. Who ever thinks about it for more than it is? No one, that's who. But wait, now I will sound like the crazy lady because I cannot scratch the itch. I mean I can, but it does me no good. For the most part, my chest is still almost completely numb. Same with my right armpit. Is that weird? It feels weird. Really weird. I go to put deodorant on, and look in the mirror as I am applying it, yet I cannot feel it. Strange. The other day I went to grab something, and something else fell hitting me in the chest. I felt nothing. Super strange. So here's the most fucked up part. I get an itch in one of these areas, so naturally I go to scratch it. Shouldn't bother. Although the itch is there, I can't feel the scratching, and therefore, that itch really never gets satisfied. Can you imagine? I keep trying until it just goes away. WTH?!?

Expanders. Fuck these things. I have a friend who also has breast cancer and she agrees. They are almost the worst things ever. Do you know how strange it is to feel a foreign object moving inside your body? I am guessing not. I will tell you, it's not cool. Not cool at all. Not only do I feel them moving, but they are rock hard, and I am guessing this is the way it is going to be until I get them out. Fortunately they don't move all the time, but when they do, it sucks. FML sometimes.

Healing. I am healing still. It is going well. I still have my limitations, and I mostly notice them when I go to do something, and my body says, ya fucking right. You aren't doing this. And that's it. So depending on what it is, I ask for help or say fuck it. Or I get the step stool. That mother fucker has gotten more use in the last few weeks than not. My legs seem weaker than usual too, but apparently this is just part of my healing process. I feel like an old fucking woman in terms of my body and how resistance it is with EVERYTHING right now. Ugh. It's annoying. I can't wait to get back to normal. 

Until next time..........

Damn, look at all that hair!!!

(The hair that is naturally always in fohawk mode for whatever reason. That is just how it is growing back. Interesting.)

Fuck what? These Expanders. That's What.

So I am just over 4 weeks post op now. Feeling better every day, no doubt. Seems like a noticeable difference. Terrific! My right arm is still sore, and when I extend it out, I am reminded that I am not back to 100% yet. Drains are out. They came out 8 days ago. I started healing even quicker. Yahoo! 

The drains being removed. After 3.5 weeks. FINALLY! What can I say about that? I found out they were stitched in on the side of my body. Weird. The left one, no pain when it was removed. The right one. Fuck me. It felt like someone was pulling on the drain tube with the stitch still in my body. WTF?!? Fortunately for me, it was a quick process. Thank god that is over, for now. More to come later on with these fucking things. 

My boobs are rock hard. I mean ROCK hard. OMG. It's weird. Uncomfortable. Tight. It feels like I have a wired bra on that is way too small ALL THE TIME! I don't even know what else to say. On the flip side, my boobs are as perky as they have been in so many years, and I don't ever have to wear a bra which is great! I literally throw a shirt on, and done. It's honestly so fabulous in that aspect.

Sleeping is a fucking nightmare. I was told I need to sleep on my back. Ya, I get it. I had all my breast tissue removed, expanders placed, and then was stitched up, plus I had my drains........so it all makes sense, right? So here I am thinking that the 2-3 month window they gave me to sleep on my back was just a little exaggerated perhaps. I really thought once my drains were out, I would naturally be more comfortable, and maybe I can start sleeping on my side. I didn't figure at this point I would be ready to sleep on my stomach. Sleeping on my side? Nope. Not happening. I thought maybe sleeping on the couch, so I have a support for my back against the back of it may be better, and it is, over a flat mattress. When I try laying on my side, either side, I feel my expanders move. It is a gross feeling. My expanders will slightly fall to the side I am laying on. Thanks gravity. So one pushes the other and it just sucks. When I've tried laying on side, I have to have the opposite shoulder back, which then leads to my back being in an awkward position, and then it starts hurting. So I play round 416 of the night trying to lay a different way. Some days I seriously wonder how I function with the little sleep I am getting.

What else? I have a big one. So I started my keytruda again last Friday. Great, let's get this finished, although I will be on this through the end of April 2023. When I went to have my drains removed last week, I completely forgot to mention this to my plastic surgeon. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I have found that it is best that I tell every doctor what is going on with another doctor. It is in my best interest, and I have a lot going on. Anyways, I sent an email to my PS, and thankfully I did. I spoke with his FA in the office. She has spoken with my plastic surgeon and he said I cannot have my reconstructive surgery until after I am done with my keytruda. It's risky is what he said. I like taking risks, but not in this case. Nope. Not happening. So the soonest she said they can do the reconstruction is June 2023. Holy shit. Seriously next summer? Jesus christ. I actually have it scheduled for August 2023. Shit. These fucking expanders are going to be in for another 10 months. FML.

2 Weeks Post-Op and 3 Doctor Appointments Later

Here I am, 2 weeks post op and 3 doctors appointments later. It really has been a busy week. 

Let's start with where I am and how I feel. I am in no pain, however, I am sore. My chest almost feels like a pulled muscle. Strange place to feel that way, but it's the best way I can describe it. Full movement in my left arm with seemingly no restrictions. Does that seem weird that I added that? It won't in a minute. Right arm is still sore, and I can only lift it, when bent, just over my shoulder. My underarm is still very very sore. This is due to the lymph nodes my breast surgeon removed. I still cannot shower or take a bath because I still have my drains. That super sucks, but I am managing, and pretty well actually. I have found some good work arounds. This way I don't have to walk around stinky!!! I still cannot lift anything with any kind of weight, but I think that's to be expected.

What doctors appoints did I go to this week? These were all for follow up appointments. 

Monday - Follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon. He says everything looks great, I am healing well, my drains will be in for another 2 weeks, and told me how great I did in surgery. He said I have great skin, and for that reason, he filled up my expanders half way during surgery. Awesome. (So this explains why I woke up with boobs after surgery, which I didn't know until my appointment this week). He also filled up my expanders the rest of the way. So he says, try your boobs out, see how you like them, and then we will go from there. Excellent. Jury is still out on the size of my boobs. I am really having a hard time deciding if I like the size or not. My "new boobs" are so perky, and they are so different from my OG boobs, I don't know if I should leave them or not. Reconstructive surgery is currently scheduled for the end of January 2023.

Wednesday - Follow up appointment with my breast surgeon. Same conclusion as my plastic surgeon. I am healing well and look great. She went over my pathology results in more detail and gave me the official reports. No more mammograms from here on out, and all I have to do is come into her office every 6 months for 2 years, then annually after that for a breast exam to make sure there are no lumps, etc. So a manual breast exam. The reason I don't have to do mammograms is because I don't have any more breast tissue. Radiation will not be necessary. Thank God! Next appointment is in January.

Friday - Follow up with my oncologist. No radiation is needed. He said I knocked it out of the park with how well I responded to chemo. (Hell ya I did, I am a fucking badass........and I have a bracelet that says the same, which was a gift I received while going through chemo, thank you MAJOR!!!!) He did suggest 9 more rounds of Keytruda, which was a medication I was taking also when I was going through chemo. Taking this after BEATING CANCER'S ASS, increases the chances of any kind of cancer NOT returning by 94%. I like that number. I only have to go once every three weeks, so that's not bad at all, however, if I go every treatment on time, as scheduled, I won't finish this until the end of March 2023. That seems like forever away from now. It'll be here before I know it, I'm sure.

What's next? Drains are going to be coming out in 9 days. Thank god. Sounds like a normal shower will be coming my way. And just healing for now, because it is going to take time. I don't know how much, but I suspect about another 4-10 weeks. I went to three doctors appointments and forgot to ask all of them what to expect for healing time. Really? Go fucking figure. I will find out, because inquiring minds want to know.