Random Shit? Yes, that is what this is all going to be about. Shit I am currently going through, have gone through and may face in the future. Things I likely didn't think to jot down along during my journey, so here goes.....
Shaving. I finally had to shave under my arms this week. What a bummer. I have shaved my legs a few times over the past few weeks. That's an even bigger bummer. I can assure everyone, I did NOT miss shaving at all, but now all my hair is growing back. Some is for the good, and some is just a nuisance. The hair on my head has been growing back for almost 4 months. It is growing so slow. But let's look at the upside of this. Not only is the hair on my had growing back, but it is growing back a dirty blond. I don't think I expected that given my age, but hell ya! I'll take that over gray (even though those fuckers, the few I had before chemo and cancer and all this shit), have decided to return. Ha. Fuck it, whatever, I have hair! My eyebrows, yes, they are growing back too. Cool, if I want to walk around looking like a mad scientist. Because that's what I look like, and it has nothing to do with Halloween. Lol. So either you see the platinum blond eyebrows looking like a mad scientist, or you don't see them at all. And not only that, but it appears my left eyebrow is thicker and fuller than my right one. How odd. And I have my eyelashes back too. Cool. Not that I missed them. I never wear makeup. Enough about hair already. Perhaps I was making up for lost time since I had no hair to talk about for months. Ha.
Sleep. Let's talk about this. It's up and down. It's like a love/hate relationship. I swear. One night I will sleep like shit, and then another and so on. Then I sleep like a rock. So either my body is just exhausted, or I was actually able to sleep for a change. I bought a maternity pillow this week. What a game changer. This thing is so comfortable and soft, it feels like I am snuggling with a cloud. I love it. Something about being able to snuggle with this pillow also helps with my expanders, them moving and me being able to get comfortable, and laying on my side. Yes, I have been sleeping on my side!!! What a game changer. It is still so weird and uncomfortable, even after 5 weeks to try and sleep on my back. It just isn't natural for me.
Nerve pain. It blows. I've noticed a few things over the last several weeks and didn't know what to make of it. One of my dogs would step on me and it felt like their little paws were digging in more than usual. My dogs weigh 6 - 11 pounds, so they are small, and I normally don't feel that way. Then I started noticing more and more, with other things and any kind of resistance against by body. Then a quick shooting/stabbing pain. I was finally like WTF is this and what is going on? Oh ya, those are my nerves throughout my body just fucking with me. OMG. Surgery and chemo can really reek havoc on your body, even months after the fact. Christ. I had no idea, but now I get to live with that shit. I hope it's temporary and goes away over time, and I am glad it isn't constant.
Scratching and not scratching the itch. So you get an itch, you scratch it, and then on to the next thing. Who ever thinks about it for more than it is? No one, that's who. But wait, now I will sound like the crazy lady because I cannot scratch the itch. I mean I can, but it does me no good. For the most part, my chest is still almost completely numb. Same with my right armpit. Is that weird? It feels weird. Really weird. I go to put deodorant on, and look in the mirror as I am applying it, yet I cannot feel it. Strange. The other day I went to grab something, and something else fell hitting me in the chest. I felt nothing. Super strange. So here's the most fucked up part. I get an itch in one of these areas, so naturally I go to scratch it. Shouldn't bother. Although the itch is there, I can't feel the scratching, and therefore, that itch really never gets satisfied. Can you imagine? I keep trying until it just goes away. WTH?!?
Expanders. Fuck these things. I have a friend who also has breast cancer and she agrees. They are almost the worst things ever. Do you know how strange it is to feel a foreign object moving inside your body? I am guessing not. I will tell you, it's not cool. Not cool at all. Not only do I feel them moving, but they are rock hard, and I am guessing this is the way it is going to be until I get them out. Fortunately they don't move all the time, but when they do, it sucks. FML sometimes.
Healing. I am healing still. It is going well. I still have my limitations, and I mostly notice them when I go to do something, and my body says, ya fucking right. You aren't doing this. And that's it. So depending on what it is, I ask for help or say fuck it. Or I get the step stool. That mother fucker has gotten more use in the last few weeks than not. My legs seem weaker than usual too, but apparently this is just part of my healing process. I feel like an old fucking woman in terms of my body and how resistance it is with EVERYTHING right now. Ugh. It's annoying. I can't wait to get back to normal.
Until next time..........
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