This is off the beaten path for just this post, but all relative. Over the last few days, I have come to what I think is a rather harsh reality check. Not at all what I anticipated, but here I am here, here we are, for those of you that are reading this.
There are people in this world that we all know, those we THINK we can count on, when the going gets tough, you know they'll be by your side. But are you really sure who those people are to you?
I mean think about this. There are more people in the world that are consumed with what people think of them and are so worried about keeping up with the Jones' and that's what their entire world revolves around. Who has time for that shit? Personally, I could care less what the next person thinks of me, what I do, how I live my life or anything else. They don't pay my bills, deal with my day to day worries and don't walk in my shoes. Like who the fuck are they to even have an opinion about my life? But then some know-it-all asshole will come along. Talk to the hand. Seriously.
Now, I haven't really encountered many of the types of people I am talking about. At least not at this point in my life. Maybe that's because I just skip to the beat of my own drum and I am oblivious. Who knows. But here it's been one month and one day since I received my diagnosis, and I have uncovered some ugly truths, or maybe that's just my perception.
Let me back up a bit. I started this blog because on my neighborhood post, someone mentioned it. Although I had never done it before, I was immediately intrigued. What's stopping me from doing it? Nothing, and so there it started. I also found that this would be a great way for anyone interested in following my story, to do so. This also saves me from answering the same questions over and over or continually repeating myself. Nope.
Here's where I am at. I apparently had this preconceived notion or expectation that I would have supporters, those who I've known my whole life, like my family, and then those that are friends that I have chosen to be a part of my life. To some degree I do, and much to my disappointment, not so much. WOW. Mind blown.
I have those few that will support me throughout this journey, no questions asked, that really exceed my expectations and what lengths they will go through to help me. My husband, my bestie, my youngest sister, my son, and a few great friends. The rest of those I expected to be around, seemingly could care less. How sad. Well clearly I know where I stand. Is this selfish of me to think this way? I don't think so. And actions speak louder than words.
I mean I seriously have neighbors, co-workers and complete strangers giving more fucks than people I've known for so many years. Really? Well fuck them. That's where I am at.
I never want to be one of those people who gets to the end of my life, knowing the end is near (hopefully because I am 100 years old), and have a bunch of regrets. and a lot of should-haves, could-haves, and would-haves. No. Not my style.
So for those I am thinking of that could give a fuck, what would you think if I didn't beat this battle? Would you then be living with those same thoughts? That's on you. You go live you life, living in your bubble, not giving a fuck about those who care about you, and see where that takes you. I am gong to live my best life, fight the hardest battle of my life, and I don't need your help to do it.
When push comes to shove, and you need me, need my help or want something from me, lose my number instead. If I thought I could count on you and I couldn't, that's now become a two way street. Playing your video games is more important. Spending time with your boyfriend/girlfriend (that likely won't be around in a few months) is more important. Watching that TV show is more important. Ok, that's cool. Go fuck yourself. I've got this and some great people behind me as well. I don't need you. At least I knew early enough on so I could rule you out.
Have a nice life.
Pro's and Con's Continued.....
Pro - I may lose weight :)
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