Here's Some Random Misc Shit For Your Reading Pleasure

Random Shit? Yes, that is what this is all going to be about. Shit I am currently going through, have gone through and may face in the future. Things I likely didn't think to jot down along during my journey, so here goes.....

Shaving. I finally had to shave under my arms this week. What a bummer. I have shaved my legs a few times over the past few weeks. That's an even bigger bummer. I can assure everyone, I did NOT miss shaving at all, but now all my hair is growing back. Some is for the good, and some is just a nuisance. The hair on my head has been growing back for almost 4 months. It is growing so slow. But let's look at the upside of this. Not only is the hair on my had growing back, but it is growing back a dirty blond. I don't think I expected that given my age, but hell ya! I'll take that over gray (even though those fuckers, the few I had before chemo and cancer and all this shit), have decided to return. Ha. Fuck it, whatever, I have hair! My eyebrows, yes, they are growing back too. Cool, if I want to walk around looking like a mad scientist. Because that's what I look like, and it has nothing to do with Halloween. Lol. So either you see the platinum blond eyebrows looking like a mad scientist, or you don't see them at all. And not only that, but it appears my left eyebrow is thicker and fuller than my right one. How odd. And I have my eyelashes back too. Cool. Not that I missed them. I never wear makeup. Enough about hair already. Perhaps I was making up for lost time since I had no hair to talk about for months. Ha.

Sleep. Let's talk about this. It's up and down. It's like a love/hate relationship. I swear. One night I will sleep like shit, and then another and so on. Then I sleep like a rock. So either my body is just exhausted, or I was actually able to sleep for a change. I bought a maternity pillow this week. What a game changer. This thing is so comfortable and soft, it feels like I am snuggling with a cloud. I love it. Something about being able to snuggle with this pillow also helps with my expanders, them moving and me being able to get comfortable, and laying on my side. Yes, I have been sleeping on my side!!! What a game changer. It is still so weird and uncomfortable, even after 5 weeks to try and sleep on my back. It just isn't natural for me. 

Nerve pain. It blows. I've noticed a few things over the last several weeks and didn't know what to make of it. One of my dogs would step on me and it felt like their little paws were digging in more than usual. My dogs weigh 6 - 11 pounds, so they are small, and I normally don't feel that way. Then I started noticing more and more, with other things and any kind of resistance against by body. Then a quick shooting/stabbing pain. I was finally like WTF is this and what is going on? Oh ya, those are my nerves throughout my body just fucking with me. OMG. Surgery and chemo can really reek havoc on your body, even months after the fact. Christ. I had no idea, but now I get to live with that shit. I hope it's temporary and goes away over time, and I am glad it isn't constant.

Scratching and not scratching the itch. So you get an itch, you scratch it, and then on to the next thing. Who ever thinks about it for more than it is? No one, that's who. But wait, now I will sound like the crazy lady because I cannot scratch the itch. I mean I can, but it does me no good. For the most part, my chest is still almost completely numb. Same with my right armpit. Is that weird? It feels weird. Really weird. I go to put deodorant on, and look in the mirror as I am applying it, yet I cannot feel it. Strange. The other day I went to grab something, and something else fell hitting me in the chest. I felt nothing. Super strange. So here's the most fucked up part. I get an itch in one of these areas, so naturally I go to scratch it. Shouldn't bother. Although the itch is there, I can't feel the scratching, and therefore, that itch really never gets satisfied. Can you imagine? I keep trying until it just goes away. WTH?!?

Expanders. Fuck these things. I have a friend who also has breast cancer and she agrees. They are almost the worst things ever. Do you know how strange it is to feel a foreign object moving inside your body? I am guessing not. I will tell you, it's not cool. Not cool at all. Not only do I feel them moving, but they are rock hard, and I am guessing this is the way it is going to be until I get them out. Fortunately they don't move all the time, but when they do, it sucks. FML sometimes.

Healing. I am healing still. It is going well. I still have my limitations, and I mostly notice them when I go to do something, and my body says, ya fucking right. You aren't doing this. And that's it. So depending on what it is, I ask for help or say fuck it. Or I get the step stool. That mother fucker has gotten more use in the last few weeks than not. My legs seem weaker than usual too, but apparently this is just part of my healing process. I feel like an old fucking woman in terms of my body and how resistance it is with EVERYTHING right now. Ugh. It's annoying. I can't wait to get back to normal. 

Until next time..........

Damn, look at all that hair!!!

(The hair that is naturally always in fohawk mode for whatever reason. That is just how it is growing back. Interesting.)

Fuck what? These Expanders. That's What.

So I am just over 4 weeks post op now. Feeling better every day, no doubt. Seems like a noticeable difference. Terrific! My right arm is still sore, and when I extend it out, I am reminded that I am not back to 100% yet. Drains are out. They came out 8 days ago. I started healing even quicker. Yahoo! 

The drains being removed. After 3.5 weeks. FINALLY! What can I say about that? I found out they were stitched in on the side of my body. Weird. The left one, no pain when it was removed. The right one. Fuck me. It felt like someone was pulling on the drain tube with the stitch still in my body. WTF?!? Fortunately for me, it was a quick process. Thank god that is over, for now. More to come later on with these fucking things. 

My boobs are rock hard. I mean ROCK hard. OMG. It's weird. Uncomfortable. Tight. It feels like I have a wired bra on that is way too small ALL THE TIME! I don't even know what else to say. On the flip side, my boobs are as perky as they have been in so many years, and I don't ever have to wear a bra which is great! I literally throw a shirt on, and done. It's honestly so fabulous in that aspect.

Sleeping is a fucking nightmare. I was told I need to sleep on my back. Ya, I get it. I had all my breast tissue removed, expanders placed, and then was stitched up, plus I had my drains........so it all makes sense, right? So here I am thinking that the 2-3 month window they gave me to sleep on my back was just a little exaggerated perhaps. I really thought once my drains were out, I would naturally be more comfortable, and maybe I can start sleeping on my side. I didn't figure at this point I would be ready to sleep on my stomach. Sleeping on my side? Nope. Not happening. I thought maybe sleeping on the couch, so I have a support for my back against the back of it may be better, and it is, over a flat mattress. When I try laying on my side, either side, I feel my expanders move. It is a gross feeling. My expanders will slightly fall to the side I am laying on. Thanks gravity. So one pushes the other and it just sucks. When I've tried laying on side, I have to have the opposite shoulder back, which then leads to my back being in an awkward position, and then it starts hurting. So I play round 416 of the night trying to lay a different way. Some days I seriously wonder how I function with the little sleep I am getting.

What else? I have a big one. So I started my keytruda again last Friday. Great, let's get this finished, although I will be on this through the end of April 2023. When I went to have my drains removed last week, I completely forgot to mention this to my plastic surgeon. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I have found that it is best that I tell every doctor what is going on with another doctor. It is in my best interest, and I have a lot going on. Anyways, I sent an email to my PS, and thankfully I did. I spoke with his FA in the office. She has spoken with my plastic surgeon and he said I cannot have my reconstructive surgery until after I am done with my keytruda. It's risky is what he said. I like taking risks, but not in this case. Nope. Not happening. So the soonest she said they can do the reconstruction is June 2023. Holy shit. Seriously next summer? Jesus christ. I actually have it scheduled for August 2023. Shit. These fucking expanders are going to be in for another 10 months. FML.

2 Weeks Post-Op and 3 Doctor Appointments Later

Here I am, 2 weeks post op and 3 doctors appointments later. It really has been a busy week. 

Let's start with where I am and how I feel. I am in no pain, however, I am sore. My chest almost feels like a pulled muscle. Strange place to feel that way, but it's the best way I can describe it. Full movement in my left arm with seemingly no restrictions. Does that seem weird that I added that? It won't in a minute. Right arm is still sore, and I can only lift it, when bent, just over my shoulder. My underarm is still very very sore. This is due to the lymph nodes my breast surgeon removed. I still cannot shower or take a bath because I still have my drains. That super sucks, but I am managing, and pretty well actually. I have found some good work arounds. This way I don't have to walk around stinky!!! I still cannot lift anything with any kind of weight, but I think that's to be expected.

What doctors appoints did I go to this week? These were all for follow up appointments. 

Monday - Follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon. He says everything looks great, I am healing well, my drains will be in for another 2 weeks, and told me how great I did in surgery. He said I have great skin, and for that reason, he filled up my expanders half way during surgery. Awesome. (So this explains why I woke up with boobs after surgery, which I didn't know until my appointment this week). He also filled up my expanders the rest of the way. So he says, try your boobs out, see how you like them, and then we will go from there. Excellent. Jury is still out on the size of my boobs. I am really having a hard time deciding if I like the size or not. My "new boobs" are so perky, and they are so different from my OG boobs, I don't know if I should leave them or not. Reconstructive surgery is currently scheduled for the end of January 2023.

Wednesday - Follow up appointment with my breast surgeon. Same conclusion as my plastic surgeon. I am healing well and look great. She went over my pathology results in more detail and gave me the official reports. No more mammograms from here on out, and all I have to do is come into her office every 6 months for 2 years, then annually after that for a breast exam to make sure there are no lumps, etc. So a manual breast exam. The reason I don't have to do mammograms is because I don't have any more breast tissue. Radiation will not be necessary. Thank God! Next appointment is in January.

Friday - Follow up with my oncologist. No radiation is needed. He said I knocked it out of the park with how well I responded to chemo. (Hell ya I did, I am a fucking badass........and I have a bracelet that says the same, which was a gift I received while going through chemo, thank you MAJOR!!!!) He did suggest 9 more rounds of Keytruda, which was a medication I was taking also when I was going through chemo. Taking this after BEATING CANCER'S ASS, increases the chances of any kind of cancer NOT returning by 94%. I like that number. I only have to go once every three weeks, so that's not bad at all, however, if I go every treatment on time, as scheduled, I won't finish this until the end of March 2023. That seems like forever away from now. It'll be here before I know it, I'm sure.

What's next? Drains are going to be coming out in 9 days. Thank god. Sounds like a normal shower will be coming my way. And just healing for now, because it is going to take time. I don't know how much, but I suspect about another 4-10 weeks. I went to three doctors appointments and forgot to ask all of them what to expect for healing time. Really? Go fucking figure. I will find out, because inquiring minds want to know.

What's That Cancer? Go Fuck Yourself!

Here I am, I am back...........and CANCER FREE!!! What?!? The best news I have received this year I think. WooHoo!

Let me back up a minute here since I jumped right to the best part. I had my surgery a week ago on September 23, 2022. Double mastectomy. Boobs are gone. Nipples are gone. Great part is, I am not flat chested because I have expanders in, so even after a double mastectomy, I still have bigger boobs than some. LOL. (No offense small chested ladies, you are lucky, it's just easier).

I will have these expanders in until my next surgery which should be in about 3 months. The expanders are basically a place holder for my reconstructive surgery. This way, later on they won't have to try and make room for new boobs. 

Are you wondering how I am feeling? Seriously, I feel great. I didn't think I would feel as good as I do, not by any means. I stayed overnight in the hospital for one night, and I was on my way home the day after surgery. I can't drive for 3 weeks which absolutely sucks. I have 3 follow up appointments next week, that I have to try and figure out transportation for. Not impossible, but something I am not used to. Lucky for me, my bestie flew in the day before my surgery and stayed with me for 5 days while I have been recovering. Then another great friend of mine took over and is still here with me. Fantastic. I am glad they both volunteered to come take care of me. Super nice of both of them.

I was told to rest, naturally, as my body is healing from surgery. I get it. The worst part of all of this? 100% no bullshit. Trying to get used to sleeping elevated, and on my back. I have been a stomach sleeper my entire life, and now, never again likely. Super sucks. 

I am walking around just fine and exceeding the expectation of my doctors so far in terms of healing (I think, based on what I read on the discharge papers and what I should be doing by this point), so that's great. I have drains in, which I thought would've the grossest part of this, but they don't bother me, even when I have to empty them. I will have these in for 3 weeks or so. My chest is sore. Almost like I pulled my chest muscles, but the pain has been very bearable. I am taking pain meds, and I am sure they are helping. I am working on weaning off of them already because I feel like I am ready to.

So to the great news of being cancer free. My doctors office called yesterday, and I am cancer free. My pathology reports came back and couldn't be any better. The tumor (cancer mass) is completely gone. The doctor took lymph nodes from under my right arm (the cancer side), and all of those also came back negative. Everything she tested was negative which is exactly what I was hoping for. The other great news that comes along with this is that I won't need to do radiation. Even better because fuck that. That was the one thing out of all of this that I never wanted to do. 

The one thing (that I know for sure at this point), that is a potential con, is I have to always be conscious about potentially getting lymphedema. I am at a low risk, but none the less, it is a risk factor. My right arm. No blood draws, blood pressure, tattoos. Nothing other than regular normal activities, or I could aggravate the current lymph nodes and then shit will be gross. No thanks. 

The way I see this is I won. Everything is a win win win! I kicked cancer's ass.........just like I thought I would. I still have a long way to go, and 3 more surgeries, but I am closer now to being done than ever, where I can get my life back to normal!

What's New Pussycat?

I know, it's been a while, so are you wondering what's new pussycat? (Do you hear the song in your head?!?, you're welcome).

As you know, I finished chemo, and thankfully, that part is over. Yahoo! I was due to have surgery a few weeks ago, but no, I got fucking Covid instead. Like fucking really? Yep, really. So it had to be postponed. I was completely ready for surgery too. Mentally, physically, and any other way, I was ready. Nope. I had to wait. Things happen for a reason, right? I suppose.

So I got Covid. It was simple. Easy. My symptoms were so mild I would have sworn I didn't have it. Seriously. Lucky for me though because I still don't have an immune system built back up. It's going to be months and months before that returns to normal. As a matter of fact, when I get a cold, it was much worse than what Covid was, by far.

I called my oncologist to let him know I had Covid because of the lack of immune system I have. They prescribed me an antiviral medication. Woohoo. Let's kick this out of my system ASAP. They prescribe it to those that are high risk. I had no idea something like this even existed. When I read up on it, it is 90% effective to keep you out of the hospital and from dying. Excellent. It worked and Covid was gone before I knew it. I got extremely lucky. It could have been really bad. But just wait you say? Yep, that's right because while Covid was on it's way out, I ended up with a double ear infection and an upper respiratory infection. Oh my fucking god! It's like I couldn't catch a fucking break. Why not try out some other infections while I am at it? Such shit. But I went to my PCP, got a 5 day antibiotic, and boom, that shit was gone quick too. Awesome.

Now that I am all good, my surgery has been rescheduled and that will be happening here soon. I had to go through the mental prep again, which I would have preferred to skip. But as I often say, it is what it is. I am ready, I think, and I know I want to get this part over with so I can move on tto the next, that way I am closer to all this being over with 😀

Fuck Cancer! Chemo is DONE!!!

Great news! I finished my chemo today and couldn't be happier. This chapter is now closed, and I rang the bell signifying the same! On to the next, but I have time to wait, so I'll wait.

I feel great and I am going to take full advantage of that!

I got a great surprise today. I went to chemo as scheduled this morning. As I was checking in at the front desk, my sister showed up to surprise me. Awesome. Not only did she show up to support me, but brought me flowers, balloons and a card! Wow. I wasn't expecting that by any means. It was so thoughtful of her. And here I planned to sleep during my chemo like I normally do. Not today!

My chemo infusion went fine, as usual, although it took longer than normal. Either way. Who cares. I AM DONE! No more chemo for me. Awesome. 

I get home from chemo, and what's waiting for me at the door? Flowers. A beautiful vase of pink and white flowers. My bestie sent them to me, and I also got a card in the mail from her too. My day was full of great surprises!!!

I have celebrating to do, and have limited time to do it. I have a month before the next major milestone in all of this. So, plans are being made........

Ringing the bell. Chemo is done. The staff even played "celebrate" while I was taking pics

Thanks to my sister for being there today to support me in the closing of this chapter, and my bestie for getting me this awesome shirt to wear in celebration 😊

Beautiful flowers from my bestie

One Week To Go...........Then Chemo Will Be Over

Wow. I can't believe I have come so far, but it's been 6 months and 15 chemo treatments thus far, and with one more treatment to go, chemo is almost behind me. A week from today, I will have my last infusion. How exciting. 

That sounds so fucked up too. I am excited about my last chemo treatment. It is fucked up. Fucked up that I have cancer, fucked up I had to even go though this to begin with really. But I have come a long way throughout this ordeal, and soon I can close the door on this chapter. Wow.

I have still been feeling great, and surprisingly, sleeping a bit less than my usual 12 hours a night sometimes. Some night I only sleep 9-10 hours which is a lot, but that means I also gain more hours in the day to be productive. I love being productive, and that I certainly have been. It feels so great!

My life has seemingly felt so normal, doing things I would normally do. Then reality hits. I pass by a mirror and my bald head (or peach fuzz because I am not truly bald anymore), smacks me in the face. It has been at least 100 every day for the past 3-4 weeks; this is the time I am glad to have little to no hair. LOL. It is just too damn hot, and I am over it.

Despite the lack of hair, I feel great, and that's what matters. All of my body hair appears to be coming back, and I cannot say I am thrilled about that. I am going to have to shave my legs soon. What a bummer. I have enjoyed these months, over the summer, pool weather, to not even have to worry about it. It's been so nice!! 

I am looking forward to the weeks ahead, finishing my chemo treatment, then getting ready for my double mastectomy surgery which is scheduled for 5 weeks from now...........

What?!? Only One More Treatment To Go? Already?

Yep, that's right. Only one more chemo treatment to go! Sweet! Three of these four Red Devil treatments are done and behind me, already, despite only going once every three weeks. Time sure is going by quickly. 

What's new? Anything? Not really, and then yes. I am still feeling great. It is amazing how good I feel and what it really has done to lift my spirits. Feeling like a normal person, doing normal things. I swear I had almost forgotten what that is like. I am taking advantage of it for sure, within reason of course. Nothing too drastic, because I don't want to fall down hard core style. I already feel like I have been through the wringer time and time again throughout this shit.

The nurses and doctors must think I am crazy too. They ask what symptoms I am having, and I tell them not really any, and I've never felt better, except prior to my treatment. They look at me crossed eyed almost because if you recall, these rounds of chemo should have knocked me on my ass, and hit even harder than the first medication they had me on. Nope, I have had the complete opposite experience. Granted, my cell counts are down, as to be expected, because I was told that is what happens with everyone. I seem to think that comes without saying when they have seen it so many times. The only thing I notice, which has really become my new normal is sleeping in 12 hour shifts. Fortunately I haven't been taking any naps since I started this Red Devil, and that has been a nice change, because that hardly made me feel like an adult.

As long as things stay on track, my last chemo treatment will be on August 8th, 2022. That's just over two weeks from now. To think at this point, I have been going through this for almost 6 months to the day is mind boggling. It really is. I can't believe so much time has passed so quickly already, and here I am almost done with this phase of my journey. Then it'll be time to ring the bell........

What's Up? Just Checking In.....

Just here to check in. Kind of off the beaten path of when I normally do an update, but here I am, all for your reading pleasure 😉

Last week, I had another infection in my gums. Like really, another one? Because the first one wasn't enough? That is a thing of the past now. I got another round of antibiotics, and it's gone. Fortunately, it didn't really impact me much as I caught it earlier than the first one. 

So what's new? Again, yes, once again, just like after my first treatment, I have been feeling "normal". By "normal" I mean back to how I felt before all of this started. It is such a great feeling. I know I missed feeling normal, and now that I have that back, I am ecstatic! I feel like a regular person, who can do whatever I need to do, don't need help, and don't get tired after a few minutes. It's honestly a huge relief. It is an amazing feeling!

What am I doing now that I am feeling normal? Not taking naps! Keeping up with housework, because as we all know, that's normal. It's the necessary evil. I have also worked on a scrapbook I am making specifically for this journey in my life. It's called "My Shitty Titty Story". I made the cover for it a few months or so ago and never had the energy to put into doing any more with it. Then, with this new found regular level of energy, I spent two full days working on it and have it finished. Wow! That even surprised me. (For those of you that have no idea, that is an incredibly short amount of time to get a scrapbook done). It is finished to date. As my journey is not yet over, I will be adding more pictures to it as time goes on and I get further into whatever is next. Radiation, surgeries, etc. 

Oh and I have something else to share. 4 days ago, I noticed my head felt different. What do I mean? At some point every day, I rub my head. That may sound weird, as it does to me, but remember, I have no hair. I haven't had hair in 3.5 months now. It is a normal thing for me to touch my head at least at this point. Perhaps similar to a woman running her hands through her hair. I don't know. Anyways, I ask my sister to look at it. Does it look different? No, she says. Next day, same thing. And the following day, same thing. Still getting the same answer, and I swear I am not losing my mind, my head feels different. I finally get a close up in the mirror and guess what?!? My hair is growing back. WOW! It literally looks and feels like peach fuzz.  Not what I was expecting to see. Now the mystery will be how it grows back. I can't wait to see!

So as uneventful, or eventful as my life is, that's all I've got for now. Every day is a new adventure, and it's been a great few weeks! I am optimistic that the weeks coming will be even better!

Here It Is, Less Than A Week Later With Another Update? Hmmmm.

So yes, earlier than usual and another update. Why? Just because I have some great news to share, and then just some news.

Let's start off with the great news, because the other stuff is just info really. So I had my second round of Red Devil 6 days ago, so not long ago at all. The last time I went through this, it was a shit show. Well, at least for now, that has changed. I have had a great week! I have felt great, almost back to my old self again! It is truly amazing. I didn't take one nap either! Yes, I had to go to my oncologist every damn day, but getting those injections to increase my white blood cell counts may be the trick. I'm not sure, but I am taking this victory without a doubt! I haven't felt this good in so long, and I hope it lasts. My energy level has been so much better, and I feel like I was able to take bigger steps and just the not being so worn out part has been tremendous!

On just the info side, I discovered today, that I only have a few eyelashes remaining, and the same with my eyebrows. I never wear makeup, so that wasn't a dead giveaway to me. Honestly, I don't care, I know they will grow back. The way I discovered this is kind of funny to me. This morning, I was rubbing my eye because I felt like there was something in there. I got it out, but noticed the "missing" hairs at that same moment. I had a friend once tell me who was going through breast cancer when she lost her eyelashes, ear hair and nose hair, it was very very apparent. You dont realize what these little hairs do to protect foreign objects from entering different orifices in your body. I sure do now and I can relate to what she told me. Just another one of those things this battle brings on, although very minimal.

I hope to keep riding this wave of feeling good. I love having this opportunity to feel "normal" again after all this time. Such a breath of fresh air.

I am creating a Breast Cancer Scrapbook. 

I just finished the cover, which I designed and custom made. I am elated with how it turned out!

Only 2 More Treatments To Go

Another one bites the dust (I 🖤 Queen), and I now only have 2 treatments to go. Yahoo. Perhaps I could have chosen better verbiage, but too fucking bad. That's what came to mind. Done and done. I won't apologize.

I went for my second Red Devil treatment this morning. I learned a lot, I think. I met with my oncologist, Dr. Carlos Taboada, and he mentioned that although my white blood cell count numbers are good, my red blood cell count is borderline; I may need a blood transfusion. This is the same spot I was in last week. Fuck me, again. Let's just hope things improve. There's nothing I can do on my own but rest to get those numbers to come up. Ok, great. I will be getting an injection every day starting tomorrow through next Tuesday to get my white blood cell count up. Great. Again, long drives for 5 minutes.

He also mentioned something I didn't know about this Red Devil,. which makes me think he is reading my blog, or is a mind reader. Neither of which is clearly happening, but.........the reason for the Red Devil is to keep the cancer from ever coming back, or metastasizing. This is a bit of a game changer for me. Until today, I didn't have this knowledge, and now I think it's worth it more than ever. I finally get why I have to go through all this shit and why my body is too. 

Infusion time. In talking with the nurse who was taking care of me today, she mentioned that your blood cell counts, and all of your other numbers (there is about 50 or so they test for every time), drop substantially for everyone on Red Devil. Good to know. I didn't know last week or two weeks ago if I had done something to cause any of these issues (aside from the infection in my gums that is now long gone), and now I know for certain, it has nothing to do with me. Awesome. I asked about iron. Why? If you know anything about the body, iron is in your red blood cells. So I thought maybe if I took a supplement or the gave me iron through my port, maybe that would help? Nope. Unfortunately not. What I have going on has nothing to do with my iron. Bummer. Nice try though.

My treatment went well. I slept through most of it per my usual plan. It's great I got a nap in because I had to be up earlier than usual today. Win!

Let hope these next three weeks are better to me than the last 3 weeks were 🤞

The Red Devil Has Begun......

The Red Devil has begun. I don't know if it should be celebratory that I now have one done and only 3 more to go, or not. Treatment started on June 6, 2022. I only have it every three weeks. I would love to hurry and expedite this and get it over with, but that is not how this one works. 

Let me tell you what this shit is like. It has the name for a reason. It's a fucking nightmare is what it is. Bloating is back in full force. Splendid. I am more tired than ever. Like how much can I actually sleep? Is this a test? I have always liked sleeping and enjoyed it. But this is ridiculous. I am now sleeping 14+ hours a night, then taking naps some days too. Jesus Fuck. It's way more than excessive.

On my treatment day, I find out from my labs that my white blood cell count is lower than they would like to see, therefore, I have to go in every day that week for an injection to boost my white blood cells, then come Friday, they will again do lab work and see if the injections worked. OMG! I literally drive there every day, got a shot, and went on my merry way. It takes me 30-40 minutes to drive one way for less than a 5 minute visit. Ugh. Not a fan of this shit already. But, the good news in all this is that come Friday, my white blood cell count was up even higher than they anticipated. Woohoo. Done with that shit for now. I have the next two weeks to hopefully have somewhat of a normal life, right? Wrong. 

Week two after my treatment. It's Wednesday (9 days after my first Red Devil treatment), and my neck below my jaw is sore. My tongue is sore like I bit it. No idea initially what was going on, and it didn't take me long to figure it out. My gums were also sore. Sore like there is something stuck in them, which has now started an infection, and causing all the soreness. What the actual fuck? A few things run through my mind. One. I was told not to floss, mainly because the doctors don't want you doing even the tiniest of things that could cause an infection (fucking, really?!? How ironic). Because had I flossed like I have every day for years and years, I wouldn't be in this position. But here I am. I used my water pic and got whatever was in there out.  Two. I have no immune system because the chemo drugs have literally killed it. So I cannot fight this off. Not like your body would normally fight this type of thing off. Three. WTF is next? I called the office after hours, and the doctor on call wants to see me the next morning. Just what I was hoping for. Nope. Not at all. He also calls in an antibiotic for me to start taking right away.

Next morning, I am at the doctors office. Yippee. They again do blood work, and confirm the suspicion of an infection. My white blood cell count is dangerously low. So low that they give me an injection as a booster right away, and tell me I need to come back for another injection tomorrow, however, if my levels do not increase, I will have to be hospitalized. I guess they aren't fucking around, and I am not going to fight it. They really know what's best for me.

Friday morning, back at the office again, lab work done again. White blood cell count is up, and the levels are high enough that they are satisfied, but they want to see me again Monday morning because I received another injection and they want to monitor this because I won't have injections over the weekend. Ugh. Monday morning, back to the office. Again, lab work is done, and my white blood cell count is up, and they are happy at that. So all is well that ends well right? Wrong. Do you see this trend? Just when you think things are good, you get the good old go fuck yourself.

What's going on now? Lab work revealed that now my red blood cell count is low. The paperwork states "critically low".  So what does this mean? I may need a blood transfusion. WTF? No. The oxygen in my blood is basically not enough, and therefore your heart is working harder than it should be. Christ. Sounds like a fucking heart attack or stroke waiting to happen, but I don't ask about that. Instead, I am told I need to be on bedrest and sleep as much as I can because that is what'll do the best for me. More sleep. Really? Then she tells me if I have chest pains, shortness of breath or a rapid heart beat that I need to go to the ER. I swear I am not trying for a hospital stay. So bed rest lasted two days...........I am not meant to lay in bed all damn day and night.

With all the shit that has happened with my first Red Devil treatment, it really makes me want to say fuck this. No more chemo. Let's hope for the best to this point and move on to the next step. Yes, I only have 3 more to go, but this is a fucking nightmare to me. I won't be done until August with these treatments, and that just seems so far away.

Treatment # 12 Complete. Taxol Is Done.

Yahoo! I completed the first round of my chemo treatment, Taxol. 12 rounds of this shit. Yes, shit. Chemo is no fun. It's bogus. Dumping poison into your body, every week for 12 weeks straight. What a fucking delight.

At some point, I asked my oncologist about the side effects, and found out they are cumulative. Affirmative. They sure fucking have been. I was more tired each week. I had less energy every week, and that is in part why I wasn't keeping my blog up to date. I don't exactly know how to explain it, but something seemingly as simple as taking a shower has been a huge struggle for me. It's like I have to pep talk myself into it. A shower, really? Yes, really. Something that I have done every day without thinking twice about it until chemo. So with that being said, just imagine how monumental everything else in my life is. Dishes. Ya, right. Sweeping. Nope. Cleaning in general. Whatever. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not all horrible and not every day is a cluster fuck. Tuesday have historically throughout this process been my best day. The day after each chemo treatment. Does that seem weird? I would have thought, and I did initially, that I would feel awful right from the beginning, and immediately, but that is not the case even still. I am riding the steroids.........so Tuesday had become my favorite day of the week!

I am stoked that I have finished 12 rounds of chemo, and that Taxol is over, however, I have been warned that the worst is yet to come. Fuck me. I am not looking forward to the next 4 rounds, because that is all I have left, but what can I do? Nothing. Grin and bear it basically. Let's hope it's not as bad because during Taxol, I feel like I was extremely lucky and my side effects, although present, were minimal. 

Oh yes, side effects. So, I did some more reading in the groups I am in for breast cancer, and saw more posts about effective side effect supplements. Tart Cherry. Never heard of it. I bought some and tried them. I am a firm believer that they work. My side effects were even less than they have been to this point, which is great. In addition to that, I have gone to the pool and noticed that on the weeks I was there, I had no side effects, no neuropathy at all! Amazing. Who didn't know this? Me, that's who. And I made sure I shared that in my group, because anyone going through this deserves to know. I don't know if it the cooler water, the sunshine or a combination of both, but it is effective either way.

I have a two week break from chemo now because the doctor wants my white blood cell count up before I start the "Red Devil" chemo. That name in itself makes me skeptical already......

It's Been A While.

It's been a while since I updated or posted anything, and for those of you keeping up to date, my apologies.

It has been a shit show in a way, and I will get into all that in my next posts, so I can provide details on each.

Thanks for waiting it out for me to finally update this, and for those who personally reached out to me to see why I hadn't updated this. Here I am. I am back, and I will do better 😬

I AM So Sick Of This Shit

That's right. Fucking sick and tired of this shit. What shit am I talking about? Just everything. I am sick of walking around feeling like shit. Being tired all the time. Sleeping more than half my day away and taking naps. Not having any energy to even do the dishes. Not wanting to take a shower, but feeing the need, and it turning into a fucking pep talk from myself to do it. Gaining weight. The struggles I am facing because I have gained weight due to the steroids. Everything feeling like it weighs twice what it does and just being that much harder to lift. Be uncomfortable sitting, standing or laying down. Looking around the house knowing shit needs to get done and I just can't do it. Like seriously WTF???

I am ready to say fuck this shit. I don't want to do chemo anymore. It is just physically and mentally fucking draining and I have had enough. I am more than half way through it. Tomorrow will be my 11th treatment, and I will only have 5 left after that, but fully knowing that starting with treatment 13, things will get worse. How much fucking worse can things get? 

I know, I know I really have it better than a lot of other women, and I should be grateful, and I really have been to this point. But it's just that every day gets harder and harder and I'm over it. I don't like relying on other people to do things for me. I just don't and that's how I've always been. I am appreciative for everyone around and all they've done. I really am. I feel like I am not as self sufficient as I once was, and that's true. I am just not the same. I am looking forward to getting back to who I used to be, doing what I used to do, and it being easy. 

Most days I feel like a sumo wrestler. Christ, is this really how they walk around? Like I am waddling and every single THING is a struggle. OMG, I can't even imagine feeling like this for months, or even years on end. No fucking way. That, and then how I see myself in the mirror as a result of the sumo wrestler look. Fuck me. No way. I have never been one who likes to work out, exercise, go to the gym, or any kind of "healthy" activity, for the most part. Things are going to change. I can't wait until I get some energy. I am going to burn it in a positive way and get back to feeling like I did before all this started.

For now, I am going to suck this bullshit up and deal with it. God forbid I eat a pea, I won't need to eat for another fucking week.........

Another Minute. Another Hour. Another Day.

Another week has passed. Another week of being sore, hurting and just being uncomfortable. OMG. Fuck this shit for real. It gets worse as time goes on. I have three of these treatments to go and I am ready for this one to just be over with already. I am just over it.

This past week, Thursday - Saturday were my bad days. Better than last week, seeing as I was only hurting 3/7 days this week. It still sucks, but that means I should have Sunday - Wednesday this week, maybe. If I am lucky. I have my heavy dose, and new cycle starting tomorrow. No telling what that may bring.

As I sit here and bitch about what is going wrong and how I am feeling, I have done a lot of reading in general in other breast cancer groups, and in reality, I think I am one of the lucky ones. I read what some of these women go through, things I have never experienced, thank god. This shit is real. The side effects are very real.  I should be relieved that mine are minimal in comparison. Three more Taxol treatments to go, then on to my next chemo treatment which I am told by the nurses will be worse. Ugh. No thank you?

I am tired of being tired. I sleep 12+ hours a night, then nap nearly every day. My body is just tired. My mind is tired. I AM JUST TIRED. Let's look at the glass half full. I have 3 more of these treatments to go, then 4-5 of the next chemo treatments to go, so in reality, I am more than half way done with chemo. Yahoo! But it isn't over then. I still have my double mastectomy, radiation, and the rest of my hysterectomy to go.........and don't forget about the reconstructive surgery. All those things will take time to heal from too. So more down time, more naps and likely more sleeping.

Perhaps I shouldn't be in a hurry to retire............or maybe I should. When I am healed, recovered and past this breast cancer. Assuming Covid is a thing of the past, I can then travel. 😚

Fuck. This. Week.

 Seriously, fuck this week. This has been by far the hardest week I have had yet since I started chemo. 

I napped every day this week. Every. Fucking. Day. I cannot believe I am so tired every day. My energy level is so low and I basically do nothing all damn day. It’s almost like what the fuck is the point of getting out of bed to essentially do nothing? Seems unnecessary.

Aside from having no energy and being tired with zero the little motivation, yesterday I was so sick. Sicker than I have been since all this started. I was a hot fucking mess and then some. I even vomited. That’s a first. And upon vomiting, not that I want to talk about it in great detail, but I noticed that dinner I had eaten approximately 18 hours prior, was still undigested. Well that isn’t Normal. Fuck me. Let me just add this shit to the list of what’s going on.

I am in some groups on FB about cancer, and breast cancer specifically. I decided to post in there about what I am experiencing and ask if anyone else has the same. I received many responses, and I think much to my surprise, yes, many other women are having the same side effects. I also asked about the longer you get into treatment, if your side effects get worse. Yep. That is the definitive answer. That explains a lot. 

I only have 4 more Taxol treatments left, then on to the next round of meds on AC a.k.a. Red Devil. No telling what that’s going to bring, let’s just hope I can get through these last 4 Taxol treatments without shit getting worse in the meantime.

8 Taxol Treatments Down The Shoot

I'm 8 treatments down as of today, and 4 more Taxol treatments to go...........then on to the next. AC aka The Red Devil, but more on that later.

Wow, 8 treatments down already. That seemed to go quickly. But that's great because I am ready to put this whole ordeal behind me. Like completely behind me. I still have a long road ahead though. Probably about another 12 months to go. 

This past week after round 7, which also started my new cycle, was ok. I was really tired and napped every day. I feel like at my age I should not be napping, but I am so tired I just give in. Then I expect to wake up feeling refreshed, and hoping to be productive, only to not feel that way. It is so boring just sitting around. I am not a tv watcher so that gets old quick. I haven't felt like reading, and everything else just seems like it's a huge challenge to even think about trying to accomplish. That's what I don't like; everything seems like a fucking chore.

Aside from sleeping about 12 hours a day and napping, I still had the bone/nerve pain (maybe neuropathy?!?) going on, however, if you recall I have been taking those alpha lipid acid pills, and much like everyone said, I do think they are working. Not 100% like I feel nothing, however, better than after my new cycle the last time, three weeks prior, so that's great! I hope the longer I take it, the better it works to the point where I won't have feel any of this pain. That would be great!!!!

Nothing else in terms of chemo treatment and shit to report really, however, it appears that the hair on my head is growing, much to my surprise. It's about 3/8" long and still has pink tips! I thought for sure at some point the spouts I have would just fall out, but they haven't! So weird. I haven't noticed any other areas aside from what I reported last week, where I've lost hair. Maybe that's it for me. Time will tell.

This week, well today, when I went for chemo, it was rougher than usual. Phlebotomist couldn't hit my vain in my arm to draw blood. I don't like her and I feel like she was being lazy honestly......but the second girl hit it the first time. They literally never have an issue taking my blood............then on to having my port tapped for my infusion. Poor nurse tried 3 times and couldn't get it. I was almost ready to have a heart to heart with him, look him right in the eyes and tell him to get it together. Lol. He is relatively new, and super nice, and I wouldn't want him to be scared of me, so I decided not to say anything. He got another nurse, the pro as I would call her, and she even had a hard time, but got it on her first try....barely. So I was poked and prodded way more than I wanted to be today, and not in the way I would have wanted either 😏  Once again I slept through chemo, just in time to wake up when it was all over. Nice!!!! Let's hope this week treats me better than last week!

Until I have new adventures to share.........

Just Checking In

Just checking in and I have notable items to mention. Hmmm, interested? Let's see.

This week was not as good as I had hoped. I had neuropathy (the bone pain I describe) kick in on Thursday, and although it has died down a lot, it's still going on, and I am on the 4th day since it started. Thursday and Friday were the worst, and I honestly thought after that it would go away, but yesterday and today, it's still happening. Fucking great. It is just uncomfortable. Obviously painful, but low on the 1-10 scale. I just figured out yesterday how I can tell you what it's like so you can relate (not that anyone would seriously want to). If you have ever had a shin splint, that's exactly what it's like, with the lingering pain effect. When it starts, you get a quick zapping pain wherever (mine are all somewhere from the waist down mostly), followed by the lingering shin splint pain. WTF? It's not cool.

I am a part of several facebook groups all about breast cancer, mastectomy's, wigs, all things related. I do read them regularly and also help where I can when other women in this same position, have questions. Yesterday I came across a post about neuropathy and read that aplha-lipoic acid pills help. This coming from other women who use them and say they work. Great. So I have those now and started taking them last night. Let's hope they help. 

I have been really tired this whole week. I have been doing a lot of resting. Way more than usual, but if that's what my body says, then rest it is. I am so sick of laying around though. Like over it. So over it.

I have also noticed a few new things this week. Things I wasn't looking for, but discovered them. As you know by now, I lost my hair a few weeks ago. I still have alfalfa sprouts though which is interesting. The tips are still pink too! How funny. What I discovered though is that I have lost some hair on other areas of my body too. I didn't really notice either until I looked. Leg hair, gone. Nose hair (inside), gone. Armpit hair, gone. The hair on my arm however, still fully intact. Same with my eyebrows and eyelashes. Cool. I like that I've lost my hair in the areas I would typically shave. Nope, that is a thing of the past for now. Nice!

6 Treatments Down.........

Here I am. 6 treatments down. Who knows how many left to go............

An update since I haven't said anything in a week! A whole week, that's a long time in this world for me to be so quiet. But I am not trying to bore anyone with stupid page filler info. Ain't nobody got time for that! (I hope you understand this reference), I personally find it hilarious).

So what happened last week in all the glory after treatment 5? Nothing much to speak of. Side effects were minimal. Tired of course and I slept more than I wanted to, but hey, it is what it is. I just have to listen to my body. I was also a bit more active than usual too. My son and his family came to visit, and I was so glad I could spend time with them, including my grandson who is now 16 months old already! OMG, he is just too cute, I can't even stand it! With this extra activity underway, taking walks mostly, I had some more of that bone pain occur. Given that this is not the norm for me on the weeks I only have Taxol, I am chalking it up to the extra activity. It's all good, it didn't get the better part of me, that's for sure. Don't get me wrong, I am not about to go run a fucking marathon or starting to train to be an olympian, I will take this all in stride though. Maybe this is the sign that I need to be a bit more active, just when we are about to be in the 90's every day. Perfect timing. 👌

This week, week 6 of chemo, I wish I could tell you how it was, but once again, I slept through it. That seems to be my routine. Get comfy, get my ice packs for my hands and feet, put some headphones in, play a movie on my iPad I've seen (which the last few weeks has been Bad Moms Christmas), pull my hoodie over my eyes or put an eye mask on, and promptly pass out. I seriously wondered if I would be able to sleep with ice slippers and gloves on, and clearly, I can. This wasn't the first time, and hey, it's a great way to get a nap in and catch up on any lost sleep. I love it! 💕 Today I had to be woken up by the nurse to tell me I was done because I was enjoying my nap a bit too much apparently. Wonderful. 

I am hoping to have another good week and feel good, perhaps with my regular routine of sleeping a bit more, but hey, I'll take it, because I know it could be worse, and I will take the victories where I can get them!!!

Let's talk about some fun shit now. My son and his family came for a visit. I was so glad, and although I have sent them a few pictures of me with no hair, I didn't want to make them uncomfortable and seeing me live, in person for the first time, bald when I picked them up from the airport. I had gone to the grocery store and my chemo appointment last week bald, and quite frankly it was no biggie. I wore my first wig ever the day prior to picking them up when I had to make a quick run out. Honestly, I loved it. It is amazing how, that in a matter of 5 minutes, I can completely change my look. It is so fun! So the day I picked them up I wore a different wig. Then the following day, another one. Let's keep changing it up. I keep telling my husband it's like he is getting a new wife every day. There were also a few times I just wore a cap. Again, mostly for the sake of my son and his family. I think for me when it comes to my son especially, he has never seen me without hair. Sure I have gone through many changes and styles, but I have always had hair. Before they left, I was sporting a bald head all day long. It didn't seem to phase them one way or another. I think my grandson with the changes in my looks every day was thinking WTF is wrong with you Pippa (the name I go by to him). He's looking at me every day like hey, your voice sounds familiar, but you sure do look different. LOL. And I am sure this trend will continue for a long time to come!

Here's to having fun with wigs (Not flags Sheldon, WIGS)! ~Reference, again~

Who's that girl? It's NOT Jess! (another reference, I am on a roll)!

Did I Speak Too Soon?

Did I speak too soon? Yes, why yes I did. Go figure. Here I was feeling great, and happy at that. No time for this cancer chemo side effects bullshit. And it was a Thursday when I posted my last update. By that time I would have normally experienced my side effects, but this past week was different.

What I experienced this week was not only later than usual, but it just sucked. It was late on Thursday, then all day Friday, and into Saturday. What a shit show. Thankfully I think all that is behind me, just in time to get another round of chemo tomorrow. This coming week shouldn't be as bad.

You know it's interesting what these drugs do and don't do to you in a way. Internally they are designed to stop your cancer from growing and shrink it which in itself is amazing if you really think about it. Externally is no big deal to me, the obvious and most noticeably being that I lost my hair. Did I also mention I am continuously gaining weight? They are happy with that too. My care team that is. They want you to gain weight. I guess in part that tells them my body is responding well. And then there's the mental part of it, which again, for me, this is just another thing I have to go through in my life. I don't see it as a big deal, and I am fighting. 

Why did I say I spoke too soon and what happened this past week after Thursday afternoon that it made me want to tell you about it? Jesus, let's go. First and foremost, I don't think I have ever slept so much in one week as I have this past week. 12-14 hours of sleep per night for the most part, then sometimes followed by naps. Like christ with the naps. I swear to fuck I slept more than a fucking new born baby. You would think after all that sleep, I would have energy, want to do things, and would get shit done, like basic housework. Nope, didn't fucking happen. Everything was just at a higher degree of difficulty for me regardless. Either way, clearly my body is telling me this is what I need, so that's what I did was listen. I slept a lot. 

What else? So as I described a few weeks ago, I had these shooting or shocking type of pains, especially in my inner knee area. Although I mostly felt these in my lower body, below the waist, including my legs and feet, I would occasionally get them in my hands too. I don't know if those shocking type of pains (thinking this is a form of neuropathy), build up or linger or what, but it makes your muscles where you get them, somewhat sore. Not like you overworked them, but it weakens them for sure. For instance, with my hands, I would be careful picking up something I normally wouldn't because my hand muscles don't seem as strong. I walk slower during this time too. Still, could be worse. What sucks is although brief, it is unpleasant. And I can tell you it'll either cause you to not be able to fall asleep, or the pains will wake you from your sleep. I guess for me it doesn't matter because I'll get my 20 hours in.

Anything else? Why yes. I'm glad inquiring minds want to know. I only lost my taste buds for one day. I'm used to that. No biggie. You want to talk about this wreaking havoc on your system. Yes, I also dealt with that. Thankfully no throwing up, but I will say this. You better be close to a restroom, ALWAYS. No fart is safe. Just remember that. What I find interesting about this ordeal is I am no longer feeling bloated (WIN), nothing is bothering me food wise, I haven't had indigestion or acid reflux since I started taking that medication again, yet my stomach is apparently having a fucking boxing match, UFC style. Bullshit. But again, could be worse, right? Don't fart, don't squat, and perhaps if I don't bend over, all remains in tact. So far so good 😙

Another Week Down. What's Happening Now?

It's another new week into this journey of mine. Are you curious what's going on? Lots. As always.

I started a new cycle with chemo on Monday, March 28, 2022, and was given a new drug on top of the others I have had so far. Added to my regimen was Keytruda. Fingers crossed this one will be good to me too, and lucky me, it really has been for the most part. The biggest and most obvious side effect is being really tired. I don't mean tired, let me take an hour nap. I mean I slept 14 hours the last 2 nights, each night, then took a nap on top of that. Insanity! But if that's what my body needs, then so be it. Who am I to say no? My primary focus is on beating the shit out of this cancer beast.

On top of being tired, my body felt a bit off sync, but nothing too horribly noticeable. Woohoo. I am getting those little bones/nerve pains, but they are so quick and come and go at the snap of a finger, it's really minor. I'll take that, because the more I read from other women going through the same treatment plan with the same drugs and their reactions, I have it easy. I am so fortunate.

Anything else new? Of course there is. As I am sure you know by now, I have been cutting my hair every week, shorter and shorter, and it started thinning out too. It's all part of the treatment and I am prepared for whatever comes next. My hair is important and isn't all at the same time. It'll grow back, and it's just hair, right? Some think I am vain. I don't care what anyone thinks, as I am sure you know by now, but vanity, if I have any, is going out the window. I had my hair cut into a mohawk last week (by far my favorite hair cut to date, and I plan on doing the same once it grows back too), but a lot bolder and way more fun than this time!! 

My 45th birthday was yesterday, March 30th, and I thought it was perfect timing to celebrate me, my birthday and how far I am coming along on this journey, feeling good and taking this bull by the dick! I shaved my head! That's right, I have little sprouts now! My hair continued to thin so bad it just had to go. Are you curious how I feel about it? I am totally fine with it. 100% good, and I will go out in public bald as well. Like who gives a shit. I do have a few wigs, and some caps, and hats, but those will likely be reserved for special occasions or to keep my head from getting sun burned. I look at it like this now. No hair to wash or dry, I won't need hair products at all, I have to spend no time styling, or trying to get it "just right". Nope. I win some time back now :) I won't have hair again until next year, so I am going to enjoy this while I have it, or don't. However you want to look at it.

Here's to another 45 years in the making!

No Hair, don't care!

New Week, New Me

Here I am, back after 3 rounds of chemo, and honestly, feeling better than ever! Wow! Who would have thought that I'd be kicking ass and taking names more than ever? It's happening.

Each week, as the Taxol builds up in my system, the worse the side effects will be, the worse I will feel, etc, etc. I am not responding that way at all. This week I decided I was not going to do my regimen of things so I have no side effects. I decided this week was going to be different and I was going to experience this full on. How can I set a base line to know how I feel if I don't really know how I am feeling because I am taking things to counteract those feelings beforehand?

Listen, no one wants to feel bad, ever. Let's face it. We have all had the flu, a cold, ear infection (which I currently have), upset stomach, nausea, and the list goes on and on. It just sucks. We all know this. So why would I opt to potentially feel bad? I really am not, but I think this will help me to better help myself as time goes on and things progress. I am very in touch with how I normally feel, when something in my body is off, and when I am just out of sorts.

So no aspirin, anti nausea anything, nothing aside from what I receive when I am at chemo. Chemo was now 3 days ago, and as I have been told in the past, Wednesday and Thursday will be the worst days in terms of not feeling well. I am ready to not feel so great and be tired, and fatigue is certainly one of the symptoms I have noticed repeatedly, however, much to my surprise, I feel completely normal. Like literally nothing, nothing aside from the onset of this ear infection feels off. Wow. Just amazing. I am glad and I will take it because there is no guarantee that this kind of luck I am encountering will last. So I will take advantage of it while I can.

As I previously mentioned, my hair started thinning on Sunday. It has gotten progressively worse, and I can just pull hundreds and hundreds of hair strands out at a time. It's so strange to me. This is a whole new experience, much like the rest of this to this point. It is honestly annoying as can be. You know when a woman is getting married and the flower girl throws rose pedals down for her to walk on? If anyone ever wanted hair to walk on, and a deep red nonetheless, that would be my current gig. I shit you not. It is alarming in a sense at how much hair I am losing. 

Time is ticking. I have very limited time left before my hair is totally gone. It's cool. Let me ride out this last wave. So what's next? I got a haircut, yes another haircut with my already seemingly short hair. Salima and I had this planned already and we were ready to rock and roll. I am now the proud fashionista of a mohawk! OMG, I love this style. Who would have ever guessed? This is not something I would have ever thought to do at any point in my life, until now, and shit, it is refreshing. Like super fucking refreshing. My husband is NOT a fan, no surprise there, but tough shit. This is about me. So now I get to parade around with this bad ass haircut (which I may keep even after my hair grows back in next year sometime), and enjoy it while it lasts!

Round 3. Complete.

My week is starting off a bit interesting. It's Monday, March 21, 2022 and I now officially have 3 round of chemo under my belt. WooHoo! Good stuff. So good, I fell asleep during my treatment today. I have been exhausted and unable to sleep the last few days. A quick 1 hour nap and boy do I feel better. 

My hair is thinning out big time. BIG time. God forbid I touch my head, hair, and then more hair, followed by the trail of hairs I am leaving all over the house. I am getting another hair cut this week, which might actually mean just shaving it off completely, and this too is what my husband suggests I do. A few more days in the current state will determine this.

I forgot to mention another side effect I am having, however, this is 100% controllable, by me, and I fucked up. Whoops. This fucking cancer is just not going to take all the joy out of my life. Fuck that. I am having really bad acid reflux. At first, I thought it was just part of the side effects honestly. It is, however, I am able to make it go away which is great. I was told no spicy food (so boring, I love spicy food), and that I should stay away from dairy, with the exception of probiotics like yogurt. Well I didn't listen. Of course not. If you know me well enough, spicy, yes please! And I 💗 Cheese. I eat spicy food a few times a week, and cheese every day. String cheese, cheese crisps (homemade), shredded cheese, grilled cheese, I mean whatever. 

So what's happening as a result of the spicy food and dairy? When I am asleep, I get the taste of vomit in my throat, after what seemingly is a burp. So Fucking Gross. I wake up and immediately sit straight up, and drink some water. I have tested the theory of no spicy food and/or dairy, and on those days when I sleep, no acid reflux. So what do I do? I already take an acid reflux medication. Now I am taking tums regularly. So I can either continue with this regimen and do what I want (which is most likely), or I can stop what I've been doing and let this fucking cancer take away some more of the things I love. Well Fuck You Cancer, I do what I want! 

It's Been 13 Days and Two Treatments Ago I Started Chemo. So What's New?

Oh yeah! 13 days ago I started chemo, and I am two treatments in, and by tomorrow, I'll be 3 treatments in. Whoopie! I wish I could go through this even faster. Let's just fast pass this bitch and get this shit over with. Too bad it doesn't quite work that way.

Are you wondering what's new and exciting? Ha, nothing. Not a thing. Chemo is not exciting, nor are any of the things that come with it, unfortunately. Too bad, because I wish I had some awesome shit to throw in here about it.

What is important is how I am experiencing this whole thing. When I had my chemo 6 days ago, last Monday, March 14th, I was told that this, my second week, would be much harder than the first. Lie! All lies! My second week, and my side effects were substantially less noticeable that my first week. I am so lucky, I think, considering what I was told about how I would feel. 

The bloating, that shit is real. Real uncomfortable. For the love of god, if I eat a peanut, I am bloated. It fucking sucks. I can't lay down and be comfortable, or sit up, or even just stand there! I look like I am ready to give birth too. How sexy. But in the grand scheme of things, if that is the worst I feel, I will take it, grin and bear it, and just deal with it.

As far as other side effects go, I lost my taste buds on Wednesday again, but by Thursday they were making a come back. Glad that is short lived. I decided to have a Dr. Pepper, and it was so weird, my favorite pop of all time, and it tasted weird, and super flat, although it wasn't. I lose my taste buds and all I have a sense for is texture. Hell, I will just skip eating at that point. One day is going to do anything to this physique. Lol.

What else? Anything? Yep. Just today, my hair started noticeably thinning. Not horribly, but it is more than usual, and this is exactly what I was told to expect. It's all good, I am ready. I got my first wig the other day. I tried it on. It's so different too! It's long and dark brown. Part in the middle. I am going to have fun with it. I am still waiting on the custom one I ordered, but I also went to a wig store the other day, and WOW, there are just so many options. And not just with the wigs themselves, but then the accessories. This is a whole thing I had no idea even existed. I have a lot to learn, and can't wait. Hair is going to be a thing of the past coming up here soon, and won't be back for a while, so time to embrace the change and make it fun!

A special thank you to my dear friend who sent the most incredible care package to me this week. I was shocked!! She is so incredibly thoughtful and I would have never expected anything like it. I love everything that came in it 😁 and cannot wait to put everything to good use. She got me the whole "chemo ready" package I swear! I am so lucky for those I have in my life that are taking this journey with me.

This is the wig I bought that I got the other day. I love it.

Chemo Treatment #2 Down

Chemo treatment #2 is done as of Monday, March 14, 2022. Yippee! Glad I have another one under my belt. It's good. Just means I am closer to the end of these. I am looking forward to that but I still have 5.5 months to go which seems like at this rate is honestly taking forever.

I was lucky to have my husband join me for this chemo session, only to find out that I am not supposed to have anyone with me because of COVID guidelines. Last week my bestie was with me (because she was in from out of town), and no one said anything then......so what's different now? Oh, ya, so they let you have a visitor for your very first treatment, but not thereafter. The nurse was cool though and let my husband stay, which was great. She said there are no supervisors here today, so we're good. Awesome. These nurses are saints in general. They really wait and dote on you, but I am not needy.

Things go great, as I anticipated. Just basically a repeat of last week, no pain and no side effects during or after. But those are yet to come, so I am told. Wednesday and Thursday again will be my down days, likely. Ok let's get my shit together then and use my time wisely to get done things I should while I still feel good. And that's what I've done this far.

Me and My Husband, Chemo Treatment #2

What's next? My wig appointment, if you are wondering how that went? Kristy met me there, and I am so glad. I really need and second opinion, and not from a sales lady. My husband has zero interest in this and may not provide the kind of feedback I am looking for. I tried on about 8 different wigs in all. Different styles, length, colors, etc. The color is irrelevant because mine will be custom made anyways. It's fun to try them all on. See how I look with differing styles. Lengths. Colors even. I even tried on a gray/silver one to see what I looked like with it! I don't like how I look in that color. Maybe if I would have had make up on, it would have changed it and made it better, but I am too young to prematurely age myself! Some I was able to rule out immediately. I tell Kristy this is a "hard no", and let's not even bother to take pics. All in all it took me just over an hour to find the right one. It is going to be dark brown (I love how I look in dark hair), with some rust colored highlights. Just funky enough, for a wig anyways. I am happy with that, and I will have it in about 7-10 days. Oh the anticipation! This is going to be fun. I also spontaneously bought a wig online the other day. 😊 I told my husband it'll be like he's getting a new wife everyday possibly!

This is the wig style I chose. NOT the color. I love the cut though!

After not sleeping Sunday night, when I went to bed Monday night, I crashed hard core and was out cold in 2 seconds. Ahhh. Perfect. However, that didn't last all night. Of course not. I did get some much needed sleep though. 💤

And now, on to Tuesday, time for my hair cut, remember? Yep. The element of surprise is near. What kind of hair cut will Salima give me? I get to her shop and she mentions how's she's been thinking about how to cut my hair and she just doesn't know what she wants to do. Great, that makes 2 of us. I just wanted to give her the creative freedom to do what she wants. I did look at some pictures online a few days ago, and have a few things I like. I show her the pics, and she likes what she sees. Yahoo! With this she also comes up with another great idea. She will cut my hair shorter now, as it is going to start thinning this week, then wants me to come back next week for an even shorter cut because I will then aggressively start losing my hair. Perfect. I love it! Let's do this!!!

This is the cut for this week! I love it. 

Stay tuned, because next week there will be an all new me, again! Too bad I can't do this regularly. But fuck the cancer and the chemo, I'm not referring to that shit.