No News Is Good News, Right?

Yes, no news is good news in this case. Nothing significant is going on right at this moment. I have my surgery scheduled which is about 5 weeks from now. Of course I have pre op shit to do and all that, but not quite yet.

Can you believe I am still packing my belly button every day? This fucking thing still hasn't completely healed. WOW. I didn't expect this to be a fucking summer long commitment for the love of god. Kids were still in school and are now back in session and I am still fucking with this thing. It's so close to being healed......so so so close. I will be seeing my PS in a few short weeks, so I will wait to see what he says then.

Overall, I think I am feeling good. Not 100%, but complaining doesn't get me anywhere. I just take this time to think back to where I was a year ago, with my bald head and going through chemo. How worn down I was and sleeping.........ALOT. Sleeping is still something I feel like I need more of than I should, and I do what I can to get enough sleep every night. Most of the tie though, I don't think I sleep as much or as good as I need to. Still working on that getting comfortable part of all this.

On a funnier note, I finally have my hair in pigtails. Two, not three like I have been wearing my hair. It has been so god damn hot here, and although I don't really spend any time outside, I still dont want my hair touching my face or neck. And as my hair grows, my god, the curls are curlier than ever! When will it stop? Now I feel like it's a challenge in a way to see how long my hair will get and if the curls stay in tact or eventually fall out..........

That's it this time around. Keeping it short and sweet but wanted to check in. So until there's more news in a few weeks, I'm out!

I know you can't tell from the pic, but my hair is about 5"-6" long now. 💖 it!

Every Day I'm Shuffling......

Just kidding, I am not quite there yet. I am not shuffling every day. Yet. I plan to get there sooner than later though. Sing that song and think of me, wondering if that's what I am doing in the days, weeks and months to come 😂 Perhaps that'll come in a future update. The day where I say, every day I'm shuffling......

Today marks 7 weeks since my surgery. Yahoo! Not doing cartwheels yet either, but feel free to ask me sometime, I will be doing those too!

Healing is going well. I am finally sleeping more comfortably, but admittedly so, sleeping on my side. I just couldn't sleep on my back anymore. It was so uncomfortable. I was so uncomfortable and my sleep was so broken, I said fuck this. It's just more natural for me by far. Since I have been able to get comfortable, I am sleeping so much better and I am glad. I slept good in the weeks immediately following my reconstructive surgery no thanks to the pain meds, but those are long gone. 

Would you believe that I still have to pack my belly button every day?  Like holy shit. I thought this would be long over by now, but no such luck. I had to send a picture of my belly button to my PS the other day for them to see how it's healing. I think it's doing great. No longer bleeding every day when I pull the gauze out, woohoo. No more crime scene in my master bath. When I talked to the doctors office about this a week or two ago, they said I will have to do this for a few months following surgery. Christ. Didn't expect that. 

So it's summer time as we all know. It's been over 100 here in Texas every day for I don't know how long to be honest. It's fucking hot. Really hot. Not that I spend a lot of time outside, but even still, when I go out, I think nope, not today satan. Sometimes it feels like what I imagine hell is like. Lol. With the heat, the pool sounds refreshing. I asked my doctor about this, and it seems like this summer will come and go and I will not be getting in the pool. I have to wait until 3 weeks after I am done packing my belly button when it is fully healed to be able to be submerged in water, whether it be swimming or taking a bath. Well shit. That sucks. It is what it is though.

The best news to come about aside from me feeling better every day is my final surgery is currently scheduled for September. Fantastic! I am almost there, less than 2 months away now. Wow! I cannot wait. My doctors are working jointly on me so this will be it. Dang. How awesome. Healing from both won't be bad either from what I'm told which makes me even more enthusiastic. Getting there, slowly.......I am a year and a half into this journey and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! 😚

Every Day Things Are Getting Better

Every day things really are getting better. Between the way I feel physically and how I am healing from my surgery, the things in the months to come, my hair growing and growing...........it just keeps getting better.

I went today to meet with my OB oncologist. He is the one who will be removing my ovaries. He sent me for an ultrasound after the last time I was in his office. I got the results of that today. He told me how big each one was and said they look great, are in place, and there are no cysts or anything else. Great, cancer can't even try to attack them. Nope. Fuck you cancer.

I also discussed with him wanting to do my surgery and my next and final surgery with my PS with them working together. Yep. He said that his office has already been in contact with my PS office and they will try and get it scheduled for mid September. How fucking fantastic! I am so glad these doctors are as great as they are, willing to work side by side or whatever you want to call it. That means one and done. Fucking phenomenal!

So today is my one year hair anniversary. What does that mean? It was one year ago today that my hair started growing back. I straightened it today too. Best part is I don't have those whispies or fly aways anymore. My hair is finally long enough that it just lays down. Wow! Cool. It looks weird to me because it is so damn curly all the time, and I haven't straightened it or attempted to in months.

I was finally finished with my antibiotic last night. Yahoo! Those god damn horse pills that tasted horrible are a thing of the past! I am elated. They did their job and took care of the infection I had which is super. Finally back on track. I still have a few (maybe 4?!?) open wounds, and in due time they will heal. I am looking forward to that because once they are healed I can go back to the pool and get some relief in this ridiculously HOT weather. This shit has really been off the charts this year. I've just been chilling in the AC resting anyways, so it's not that it matters much to me.

What else? I was able to have a cocktail today! Nice! I haven't had one since before my surgery. Not that I drink a lot, but sometimes, it's just nice, refreshing, and the adult thing to do. It was one and done for me, for today anyways.

So what was the best part of my day? Going back ot the beginning of talking about my doctors appointment today.........I asked him what my expected recovery time is from this oopherctomyr is. I fully expected 4 weeks; similar to a hysterectomy since they are working in the same area, blah blah. Nope. I couldn't have been more wrong in my thought process. It is one week. WOW! Great news again. Not only that, but he is using the newest robot on my for this procedure (because although it is a surgery, it sure isn't being sold like one), and he will be able to completely avoid the areas where my most recent and invasive surgery was. Well holy shit, sign me up and let's do this!

So I'm grabbing this these cancer titties by the nipple and ripping them off (hey, I am already missing them). It's time for me to get my life back. I cannot wait. All good things coming in the future!

Here's my straight hair. Not bad. In person, it looks like my ends are frosted blonde. Ha. I bet it's the white, the color of what my hair was when it first grew back. For now, I'm leaving it as is!

Bye! Bye! Bye!

Bye, bye, bye..........this last drain is gone as of today! Woohoo! I am so glad! No more inconveniences. It is going to be so much easier to shower, get dressed, go to the bathroom, just everything. And no more emptying the nasty ass body fluids out of the drain bulb. What a win! 

So obviously I was at my plastic surgeons office today. All in all he said I look great and I'm healing nice. Awesome. I did point out the quarter sized opening on my left breast (it came about with the infection I had a few weeks ago); he said not to worry, it looks good and when I do my touch up he will remove it and make the scar one. I thought that's what would happen and I was reassured hearing that from him.

He also mentioned that my belly button is looking great and healing up nice. He said I will notice a substantial difference over the next 2 weeks and it will look fantastic when it's all said and done. Nice! I went from thinking I wouldn't have a belly button to having one that'll look great. Perfect. I still have to stuff it with gauze daily after my shower, probably for the next few weeks. I think it will be self explanatory when I can stop doing that. But if I have questions, I know I can call. 

I had to ask about sleeping on my back and when I can go to my side, because I am 100% positive right now that sleeping on my stomach is NOT an option. It's even uncomfortable when I lay slightly on my side, but more on my back. He said a firm and solid 3 months; no negotiating on that. Well Shit. I am one day shy of 4 weeks out right now; so another 2 months to go. Fuck me. It is going to be rough. He said I will heal up really nice as long as I continue to sleep on my back. Ok, well then that's what it is.

I had lots of questions today. Another one I asked was about the swelling. How long will it last? I can certainly tell I have "shrunk" so to speak, but I can also see that I am still swollen, especially my breasts. My stomach shows signs too, but I figured in part that was due to the drain. Anyways, get this. I will be swollen for 3-6 months. Holy Shit. That's a long time. I didn't expect to hear that. It is what it is now. So no clothes shopping any time soon which is fine. This way I can continue to lose weight and get down to whatever I end up weight wise and body shape, and then it'll be easier to find things that fit instead of my weight perhaps changing over the next several months.

And last but not least in terms of questions. My PS is completely fine with doing side by side surgery with my OB oncologist so I can have both my final surgeries done at the same time! Wonderful. I was so glad to hear that. So instead of two more to go, now it's one. They just have to get their schedules to align, and I have no doubt they will. It's looking like early October right now. Cool.

I forgot about one more question I asked, which I almost didn't. It seems stupid when you think about all the questions I asked today that I felt were super important. I asked if I was able to drink alcohol. Much to my surprise, he said I can (but I am going to wait until after I finish my antibiotic, of course). He said within reason. Basically don't get black out drunk and fall or do stupid shit. Yes, of course. I am not 21 anymore and I don't do that shit. It's not worth the potential hangover the next day. That and I need to heal so doing stupid shit is just dumb. Not worth it.

To close this up, I finally weighed myself last week. First time in I don't really know how long. I don't normally weigh myself here at home since my oncologist was weighing me every visit, but great news! I have lost somewhere between 15-20 pounds, WOW! I was so glad to see that on the scale. I feel good in terms of weight loss and hope it continues. All those fucking steroids over all those months and my oncologist wanting me to put on weight for chemo treatment (I get it, and I know it was all for the greater good), but now I am on the other side of it, waiting for the weight to now come off. I guess all good things come to those who wait.............so I'm waiting 😁

Damn This Drain!

Yet another follow up appointment with my PS today, hoping this last drain is coming out. Nope. It sure isn't. Well fuck me. It's going to be another week. Dammit. No thanks to the god damn infection. Had that not happened, that drain would be out today and I wouldn't have to dick around with it anymore. Today was not my lucky day.

I also mentioned my hysterectomy, which is incorrect. It is actually an oopherctomyr (removal of the ovaries) that I am scheduled for next month. I was told that is too soon, and go with the rule of 3 months. The next surgery shouldn't be for three months. Damn. But with that, perhaps a dual surgery. Oopherctomyr and touch up all at once. I am going to see if I can make that happen. Yahoo! One more surgery instead of two? Yes, please!

I was also informed today that at weeks 3-4 is likely when I will start to feel really good. Awesome, because tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my surgery, holy shit, already! It seems like it's taken a long time to get to where I'm at and then not, almost like I can't believe it's been 3 weeks already. Wow, time is flying.

So one more week of this drain and all it's inconveniences, but then hopefully that is it. I am looking forward it being gone. If it wasn't so mother fucking hot out, I would love to go for walks, but when I left the house at 845a this morning to go to my doctors appointment and it was already 90 degrees out, fuck taking walks. Not happening. Not right now.

So I will stay in the air conditioning, continue taking it easy and get the rest I need. Let's get healed!!!

Is Something Amiss?

Is something amiss? Not a question anyone wants to ask themselves two weeks after surgery. Not ever. But here I was, asking myself this very thing.

I emptied my only remaining drain on Wednesday and I was surprised at the amount in the bulb. It was more than usual, but I didn't really think too much of it. I went along, business as usual, moving around slowly. Come Thursday morning, and time to empty it again, but this time, it's different. Very different.

We all get it, if you've ever seen one, drains are gross, disgusting and can make you lose you appetite in a quick minute. Thursday morning was all of those things. The liquid in the drain bulb should be clear-ish. This time it wasn't. It was creamy in color, a hue of tan, and more than usual again. So I take some pics.

No, I am not including these nasty pictures in my scrapbook. Fuck that and all it's nastiness. I composed an email and sent it off to my PS (plastic surgeon's) office, asking, "does this look normal?"

Fifteen minutes after I sent off those pictures, I got a call. The doctor's office. Boy, that was quick. Now here I am thinking they are calling because they looked at the pictures I sent and wanted to reassure me everything is fine, and not to worry. Nope. All she said was, we will be calling in an antibiotic for you. Uhm, ok?!? She said it hadn't been sent yet, but when it is, they will call back. 

Next message I get is from my pharmacy saying I have 2 prescriptions ready. What? Two? From who? I was expecting one. Never got a call back from the doctor's office, but everything seems pretty self explanatory. Clearly I have an infection of some type. I have two antibiotics. I waste no time and go get them from the pharmacy, and start taking them immediately.

So here I am, 3 days later, and I can already tell a difference. The color and nature of my drain fluid is different, in a good way. I don't have as much discharge either, which is another positive sign. Yahoo, finally getting back on track.

I have another follow up appointment tomorrow with my PS, and I wonder if this drain is going to come out. I am really hoping so, but given recent events over the last few days, I am not as hopeful as I was. Tomorrow morning will tell.

So until then, I am going to keep doing what I've been doing; taking it easy, relaxing, and getting some sleep.

Not In The Clear, Just Yet

I finally had my post op visit today with my plastic surgeon. There's good news and not great news.

Let's start with the good news. My wound vac is out! Yahoo! The drains I also had in my breasts are gone too. What a fucking relief. Seriously. I could not wait for those god damn things to come out. They are out and I feel so much better. I still have the one that is coming out of my stomach though, and that one should be coming out next week Monday. Yippee!

So driving is easier, and that's also a plus. I had to drive to go get my prescriptions one day last week and it was more than difficult. Today, I had to drive about 20 miles to go see my plastic surgeon, and the drive home was noticeably easier. Thank god, because almost FML.

So the not so great news. The dressing that I had all over my stomach for my incision and the wound vac that was there, well that's gone. Yeah! But water ended up getting into it and caused a rash. Boo! Could it be worse? Most certainly yes. What my doctor suggested is that I go bottomless the next two days, then back to loose clothing (like the mens pajama pants I have been wearing). Ok cool, I can handle that. He also wants me to take a really good shower, water hitting me front on, whereas before, avoiding contact with the front of my body directly. I get it now. There is no more dressing so now that that factor has been removed, I'm all good. And what else did I learn in all of this when my stomach dressing was removed? I do have a belly button! That was a surprise because the day of surgery he said I wouldn't have one.

My stomach muscles are still sore, and to be expected, I think. He did mention that a few things may happen over the next few days; one being that my flaps on my chest may pop open, which he ensured me if they do, it's normal and fine. I have more than enough tissue in my breasts again. And two, my breasts may get really sore over the next couple days. Weird. I didn't ask why; what I did ask though is why my chest, between my tits and above is so itchy. He said he wasn't sure, could be my nerves and was not concerned. Ok, cool, let's see what happens from here on out.

So I am on the mend, more than I have been before. WooHoo! I hope after a good nights sleep tonight again, I will be feeling even better tomorrow.

My Worst Day Yet

Yesterday was my worst day yet since my most recent surgery. Like fuck me, I don't want to do this shit anymore kind of day.

For those that know me, and know me well, anyone could tell you I am not a crier. I rarely cry, ever.  Yesterday was everything that I am not normally. I cried so many times because I was in pain. 

My morning started off with me waking up nauseous. I can't even consider how bad it would hurt to puke. I already feel like my stomach muscles are super tight. I would think if I puked I would feel like my insides were ready to come out.

Then, I sneezed, one time, and it was a hard sneeze. OMG, my stomach muscles took all of the force from that. That was the first thing, and holy shit. Painful.

The next thing are these fucking drain tubes. There is one stitch that hold the tube in place where they come out of my body near my rib cage. They are just sore in general and getting increasingly worse as far as pain goes. To top that off, I was standing near the kitchen sink emptying my drain bulbs, went to walk away and got the one tube caught on the kitchen cabinet handle, stepped away, and far enough where I instantly felt the pull. It hurt so bad I immediately started crying. FML.

It has gotten increasingly harder to shower due to what I feel like is my limited mobility with the drains tubes being so sore. I hadn't taken a pain pill since Monday, but got a refill and took one yesterday afternoon. OMG the relief. I really thought I was over the hump, well on my way in the long road of healing and getting better every day, until yesterday. It is kind of a slap in the face, but now I am back on track, I literally laid around all day yesterday after all those whammies back to back. I think that's what I needed.

First thing Monday morning these drain tubes will be coming out, so only a few more days until these son of a bitches are done. Thank fucking god. So until then, I am going to walk slowly (my arms hanging at my sides when I walk and they sway disturb the tubes, further irritating them), and lay around with my fur babies. It is likely what is best anyways. Not that any other days are fun filled. Ha. I do almost nothing, and that's just what the doctor ordered.

Random Thoughts.....

Do you ever have random thoughts or question you want to ask someone or many others to see what kind of answer you will get? I sure do, all the time. Sometimes I ask and sometimes I don't.

Right now, one of the things I am dealing with is this horrible smell from my wound vac. It is putrid. Probably one of the worst smells ever, because I cannot get away from it.

Something like in this situation makes me want to ask people the following questions....

•     What's the worst smell you ever smelled?
• My answer: This wound vac apparatus; prior to this, I'd say a decomposing body (remember I have worked in the funeral industry, so yes, I know what I am talking about)
•     If you had to give up one of your 5 senses, which would it be and why?
• My answer: Smell. If not related to any other senses (i.e. taste), then yes. You would never smell rotting food, shit (literally), farts, cigarette smoke, whatever more than unpleasant smells that exist that you've smelled and wish you never would have. This being said, you would never be able to smell fresh babies, flowers or cookies baking in the oven. I am fine with giving up my sense of smell, anytime.

I am in many FB groups related to breast cancer, and posed the question 'My wound vac smells like......?' And here are some of my favorite responses:

•    Old garbage
•     A dog who hasn't been bathed in a year
•     If it smells bad, you should call your doctor (Ya, thanks, Einstein. I already did. It's normal) 

Old garbage is a perfect description. This is Fear Factor type shit, seriously. I am eagerly counting down the days, and as of right now it is 5 days (technically 4.5 days) until I get these fucking drain bulbs out and the the wound vac tube out. I already disconnected the device like I was told. Now to get the rest of it out......

Let's Talk Poop

Yes, let's talk poop. All things poop. Everyone does it, and no one wants to talk about it, except me, and right here and now. 💩

I just had my first bowel movement in over a week 💩 I was wondering how it was going to go........how it would feel, because my core stomach muscles are tight. I can't laugh for that reason, and the idea of having to have a bowel movement after this whole last week while I've been taking stool softeners, left me skeptical. I mean who wouldn't be thinking...Oh Shit, here we go!

I've been taking a stool softener every day, every 8 hours for a week now. Actually probably longer. I think I started taking them before my surgery. So that made me feel prepared. I have a bidet in my bathroom, so from that aspect I think I was ready to. 💩

And the moment comes, when I know it's coming, and wha-la, magic happened. Easy. The stool softeners worked. Like they should have. What a relief. Love the bidet. 💩

So I've now test the poop waters, and we are all good! So for those that were wondering, now you know 💩 Easier than I expected!

And another poop today, so twice in one day, and just as easy. For one of the things I hate doing, I am glad it's been so simple! 💩

Just kidding, third time is a charm! I don't think I've ever felt better or pooped as much (except when I had to prep for my colonoscopy). 💩

Still Loopy

So I think I am still loopy. I remembered what I wrote when I updated my blog after surgery, but I think I am still loopy because there are so many thing I wanted to add that I totally forgot about, so here I am again. 

Things I didn't know, until I knew..........laughing, not the thing to do. Not now anyways while my stomach is healing. I was watching a movie last night, laughed, and immediately discovered that is not going to be happening again. A few minutes later, I got my second reminder. It is so hard not to laugh when you want to.

I didn't realize how much caffeine there was in so many things until I got put on caffeine restriction. This is a huge inconvenience, but I am not worried about it. I think the next three months are going to fly by.

What else can I say? I forgot to mention that I no longer have a belly button! Yep, that's right. I asked my doctor the morning of surgery and he said they can "make" a new one, but he would not recommend it. He said there is no use for it, and I agree. I think I will just go without. No more belly button piercings ever again for me. Lol. I am way past that phase of my life.

My boobs are still way swollen and bruised. They look a lot bigger than I think they will end up being. I think the scars will heal very nicely overall. Still cannot see my stomach one, and that'll be a few weeks yet. 

Everything with my drains are working out great. I still don't like them, but they seems way more manageable than they did last time and that's with having 2 more! Wow. The first two should be out in a. week. I cannot wait!

That's all for now. Just enjoying daily showers again and the comfortable sleep I have been getting.

Here I am, current state. At least I can wear regular shorts. I no longer have to wear a bra and today is my first day without. I 💗 it!!!

New Chapter, New Tits

Another chapter closed, and another chapter opened, depending on how you think about it. It's been almost 5 full days since my surgery, and wow! I feel pretty good. Am I doing cartwheels and flip flops? No. I certainly am not. But my pain has completely been under control. That's a win all in itself! I made it to the DIEP side!

Let me go back a few days, it'll be short because I don't remember much. My surgery was just shy of 8 hours long. Apparently everything went great, and I did great overall. Awessome, because I couldn't have hoped for anything more. I do recall waking up and my right arm being in a lot of pain, and that was the only thing I was focused on. I was told it was likely the way I was positioned in surgery, and once the nursing staff were able to help me get it moving around, the pain was a thing if the past, that quickly!

I was up into my room after the recovery at what I recall being around 8p. I called my husband because he wasn’t at the hospital with me, to give him an update and let him know I was fine and apparently as clear as I thought I was thinking and speaking, he said I wasn’t making any sense. So that conversation ended and pretty much I remember the rest of the night was the nurse coming in every hour to check on my incisions.

I had my surgery on Tuesday morning. By mid morning on Wednesday, I was told that I’m able to go home. I was surprised and not at all at the same time. Holy shit. A major surgery that wrapped up less than 24 hours ago and here I’m getting the miss America wave off. Lol. Considering I’m not in any pain at this point, I make arrangements for my ride. 

From Wednesday afternoon until now (currently Sunday afternoon), I’ve just mostly slept. I’ve missed so much time and that’s weird, because this morning I woke up at 7:15 AM and really thought it was 7:15 PM and the sun was just going down. I think it was because I was in bed before 8 PM last night and felt like I pretty much slept all the way through. It’s weird to think that I slept that many hours but weird to think that I don’t know the difference between day and night, especially looking outside. I got up to pee, make it up to eat, take my pain medication and then it’s on repeat.

I was able to shower yesterday, which was fantastic because after four days without a shower I was more than ready. I took another shower again today, but because I’m still spending the majority of my time sleeping it seems like that shower that I just took a few hours ago was actually so much longer ago.

I just plan on laying around resting for the most part. It’s good for me to get up and walk more than 10 minutes a day, six times a day and I don’t know if I’ve actually been doing that because I sleep way more, but, nonetheless I am able to get up and get around easily enough and every day. It definitely seems like it’s not that big of a challenge. Wow, who would’ve ever thought? 

I have my first postop appointment with my plastic surgeon next week, Monday, so eight days from now. If I’m feeling this good now I wonder what another eight days is going to bring. I’m not able to drive yet because I’m still on pain medication but I have no doubt I will be done with them by that time.

So I will continue to rest and sleep as much as I need, because one of days my picture may be of me doing a cartwheel! Lol. That would be amazing! 

One last note; I am all bandaged up with more drains hanging out of me, but with that being said, I can’t really see a lot. My tits are still swollen and look huge 🧐 but that’ll change. I think at the end of this, I am going to look phenomenal!!! And I was finally deported! No more mediport for me!

So let’s talk restrictions. This didn’t even occur to me right away but probably because I’m still a little foggy. I’m not exactly sure. I cannot lift any more than 10 pounds for the next two months. After that two month period is up I can’t lift more than 25 pounds for the next two months following that. No swimming, bathing or submerging in water. And the biggest kicker? no caffeine for the next three months because it will hinder the healing of my veins. Well, this is going to be an interesting trial. But I know I’ll push through. And small small meals for who knows how long. It’s weird that not even a half cup of oatmeal in and I’m full…..

It's That Time!

It's that time. Yes, it is my surgery day. All these months I have waited and now it's here. 

I have talked to many people over this past week. I think the question every single person asked was "Are you ready for your surgery?" Yes, yes I am. I have been ready. I am ready to close this chapter and move on to the next item on my agenda.

I have also done more reading over the last week in a group I'm in that is all about this DIEP flap surgery. All from women who have it scheduled or have gone through it. It really left me even more optimistic than I've been. It is amazing to read these stories, how courageous these women are and what they've also been through, only to have the best attitude and experience come out of it. Wow, just wow! I am hoping I can be so lucky like the woman in the story I read earlier. She literally had her surgery 6 days ago and is already out and about, and said she is moving along great. She even posted a picture and she looks fantastic. I too hope I am that fortunate and feel that good in that short amount of time. 

I am leaving for the hospital in about 20 minutes. I have to be there at the ungodly hour of 530a. Jesus. That's early, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I never slept last night. I am not nervous, anxious or scared. I feel calm and relaxed. I am ready to do this. I figured I am going to be knocked out anyways, so I mine as well enjoy my freedom and move about the way I wanted to tonight. Surgery is in 3.5 short hours. Yippee!

So for now, as they say, see you on the DIEP side!

Only 6 More Days To Go!

That's right, only 6 more days to go until my biggest surgery yet! And all the things that are happening this week, WOW!

It's probably a good thing Monday was Memorial Day because the rest of this week has been busy so far and it's only Wednesday. And it isn't over yet!

I met with the OB oncologist yesterday. We discussed the surgery after next, which is the remainder of my hysterectomy. He said normally he would wait a few months after a DIEP flap, however, given that I have already had a partial hysterectomy and only have my ovaries left, it is a much quicker and easier surgery. I am going to go back and see him a month after this next surgery, and we will go from there. Depending on how I feel will determine when I he will operate. I am going to hope I am on the road to recovery quick because I mine as well heal from all surgeries at one time instead of getting knocked down, picking myself back up, just to do it all over again. No thanks. I mentioned that to him too and his facial expression told me that isn't something he hears almost ever.

I also went to my breast surgeon's office and did a lymphedema check. I do this every three months as this is a risk due to my lymph node removal in my right armpit. Well, all is good. Yes!!! That's great to hear, of course.

And the good news just keeps coming. I had to go to my oncologist office to pick up the CD from my CT scan last week. I need to get it to my plastic surgeon before my surgery next week as he needs to review it. So naturally, I had the report and CD in my possession, and read the report before I dropped it off. My oncologist hasn't posted it on my portal yet because he hasn't reviewed the results with me, but I know now, everything looks great!!! I was worried for a minute because last time I thought they posted the results to my portal even before I met with him. That was in December, so I could be mistaken.

And on to the next. I went for an ultrasound today. The OB oncologist ordered it because he needs to make sure everything looks good and placement of my ovaries. I found out today that we women have a "vaginal cuff". WTF? A vaginal fucking cuff? It sounds like a pussy lap-band. That's not what it is. But what I learned is that when you have a partial hysterectomy and your ovaries remain, they have to attach them somewhere, otherwise they would kind of just float around because they are no longer attached to your fallopian tubes. Interesting. So internal and external ultrasounds complete. At least that's over and hopefully that's the last time I'll ever have to do that. It was an uncomfortable procedure.

I also had more questions for my plastic surgeon before surgery. He's what I learned about this now. I should not have any additional scars on my chest. He will likely go in through the previous incisions. Score! That's exactly what I was hoping for. There may be one "patch", but that'll only happen if he needs more space to get in. It appears that I will also finally be getting "deported" next week (my medi-port where chemo was administered). Another win! As long as he gets approval in writing from my breast surgeon, he will remove it (and she already gave me her blessing last week, so I know I am in excellent shape). On another note, I will not be getting the feeling in my chest back. I suspected as that is what I was told a long time ago, but I didn't know if a tissue transfer, given that it's my own body material, would change that. Nope. Done deal. I am used to it by now so it's all good. The best news of all, I should have everything all wrapped up by the end of this year. Touch up surgery and 3D nipple tattoos too! Dang. That's fucking awesome. That means I am 6 months from finishing all this shit! What great news!

So what else? As of right now, only one more appointment this week. I have to do my pre op testing on Friday. I just found that out today. Wonderful. How many trips can I make to the hospital in a short period of time? Many. But it's all for the greater good, as always.

Can't wait......6 more days to go! I am more than looking forward to closing this chapter!!

Time Is Ticking.....

It's like the official time is ticking. I have 15 days to go before my reconstructive surgery. Fuck. It's really soon.

I am going to be so glad to get this over with and behind me. I really am. I think there's so many things that I have thought about in relation to my surgery that I feel like for a while I am just going to be down for the count, and I will be. I mean think about it, it's a major surgery.

I spoke with my plastic surgeon today, and have all of my questions answered, on all the things I wanted to know. I am sure he could have told me a lot more, but I did tell him early on in the conversation that I did not want the details about what it is EXACTLY that he is going to do. I explained to him that I am fine have the general idea. I think too much information in this instance would not do me any favors. One thing he mentioned is that I am the perfect candidate for this type of surgery and he would not have recommended anything other than this DIPE flap surgery I am going to have. So, basically he said it really politely. I am fat enough to move forward with this. Cool, thanks to my oncologists office who fattened me up during chemo.

So here's what I found out based on what I asked today. My surgery itself will be about 6-8 hours long. Yikes! That's a long fucking time. Man am I going to get a phenomenal nap in that day! Lol. I love anesthesia for that reason, however, I am sure after my surgery for the weeks to come, I will be sleeping more than not. Sleeping will of course, be the best thing for me after the fact. It is going to take about 2 months for me to recover, and I will have drains for 3-4 weeks after surgery. OMfuckingG! I hate those damn things. And I will have 3-4. Wow, even more magical than last time. If I thought the two I had last time were bad, now double that amount will super suck.

I won't be able to drive for the first two weeks or so, while I am on pain meds. Ok, I can deal with that. No heavy lifting for the first 2-3 months. He stressed the importance of this and how it could negatively impact my healing, which I totally get. I won't push it. I would rather just take the time right off the bat and heal like I should than to have to go back in and "fix" shit. 

My doctor mentioned I will have to stay overnight one night in the hospital, which is fine. Honestly, the last time, I think it was all good. My bestie got a break, and I had nurses taking care of me round the clock. It wasn't a bad gig. Not saying I would ever want to make a regular thing of it, but when it's a necessity, I'm there.

Dr. Nguyen did mention the worst of it will be the first 7-10 days; ok, thanks for that info. He also said my recovery would be similar to that of my partial hysterectomy since the surgery is similar, and minimally invasive. Awesome! That was great to hear. Clearly I am not going to be doing jumping jacks or anything ridiculous shortly there after, but I think I thought it was going to be so much worse. Let's hope not.

I have lots to do in the next few weeks, including a CT scan, a follow up appointment with my breast surgeon, and an appointment with my OB oncologist (the doctor who will do the remainder of my hysterectomy), and another appointment for my lymphedema check. Jesus. There may even be appointments I have scheduled that I am not even thinking about right now. All for the greater good, so let's do it!!!

What New Things Have I Learned?

 Let's talk new things. What new things have I learned? Everyday is a new day, and sometimes I have a good day and sometimes I have a bad day. Sometimes my days are meh. 

So what new things have I learned? I swear it's something every single day. Every day I really do learn something new.

I have learned that my hair loss, as far as eyebrows and eyelashes, may reoccur. Weird. I thought once I went through my initial hair loss, and lost all of my body hair including my eyebrows and eyelashes, once they grew back, that was it. I was good. Nope. I could go through it a few more times.

Another thing I've learned is it takes approximately one year for your body to recover from chemo. Holy shit. I was thinking a few months at best. Nope, I was wrong. That means I have the potential of another 10 months of these side effects. I still have some that are noticeable to me too. Well Fuck. I was thinking once I heal from my upcoming surgeries, boom, I am back in business. Maybe not. That was so disappointing to learn.

I know I've learned lots of other things, but they aren't coming to mind right at the moment........maybe it's chemo brain right now 😒

I’m Here, I’m Here

Yes, I‘m here. Perhaps a bit behind, but I am here. I have been so busy, and as much as I have been meaning to update this, the end of the day comes and I am beat. Just exhausted and wiped out. Perhaps that’s a good thing though, seems like things are getting even more back on track and back to “normal”. My new normal that is.

I have 42 days until my next surgery. Wow. That isn’t long. Not long at all. I scheduled an appointment today for my next CT scan which will be in about a month. I thought I no longer needed scans. Hmmm. It’s like, just kidding, go fuck yourself. We are still going to poke at you. Test you. Great. But then again, these continued tests will be constant reassurances that my cancer is gone and I’ll take that. Let me do whatever it is I need to do and what the doctors say so I never have to deal with this cancer bullshit again. 

So an overall update on how I have been feeling, and all the good and bad stuff. All in all, I have been feeling pretty decent. I have my moments where my arm bothers me and it’s sore for whatever unknown reason. Then there’s my inner thigh that occasionally acts up and feels like I pulled a muscle, and then I walk around limping. That shit isn’t cool. I think sometimes I over do it because I think I can do everything! then that shit reminds me that I can’t. 

I am going to just keep trucking. I can only be up from here…….

One More Chapter Offically Closed

It is an exciting time, as I have closed yet another chapter in this battle, journey, walk, whatever you want to call it. It actually closed three weeks ago, little did I know, until the other day.

I was at my oncologist for my last chemo treatment on April 6, 2023. How nice to be able to close that chapter. Move on to the next phase in all of this;  as it turns out, my last chemo treatment was on March 17, 2023. The change was due to my insurance issues (I am on COBRA as of 04.01.2023, but ll of that has not yet been finalized yet, therefore I suffer). 

I did have my labs drawn and met with my oncologist for my office visit. So that in itself is great. Despite not being able to have my "last" chemo treatment, my oncologist assured me, and mentioned he would bet his career on it, that my success rate with one less treatment, doesn't change. I am still in the same position. Wonderful. That was great to hear because that was certainly a concern of mine. My lab work showed my thyroid is still out of whack, although the medication appears to be helping. The medication may need to be adjusted and I am awaiting an answer on that (that part of my labs wasn't available when I had my office visit, it takes a bit longer than some other blood work results). My oncologist and I discussed my thyroid issue in itself. He said this is a side effect of the Keytruda, and may be a lifelong issue to deal with. Ugh, fucking great. Another medication, forever? Christ. How many pills can I pop at a time? This sounds like a challenge. Anyways, I go back in 2 months for a follow-up visit, so let's wait and see what happens then.

So now I sit and wait. My next step, the next major thing on my agenda is my reconstructive surgery (DIEP flap), which is scheduled for 06.06.2023. In the meantime, I have some other doctor appointments. I have appointments with my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon that I am completely aware of. Do I have other appointments? Honestly who fucking knows right now.

I am still sleeping seemingly more than I expected but when I mentioned it to my oncologist, he didn't seem to be alarmed by this. So I sleep when I need to for as long as I need to. I am hoping one of these days, I can sleep like a "normal" person and just a regular amount of hours.

I have lost some weight. Nothing to snub your nose at, but I am also not in line to be a Weight Watchers spokesperson. I have lost 8 pounds over the last 6 weeks. Cool. I will take that and consider it a win. Let's hope there is more of that to come.

In the meantime, I am going to keep it moving, until it's time to stop.

Happy Easter all!!

                                                 

Running Late For Another Update

Time is really flying by. I’ve been meaning to update this and the hours and days just go by. There’s never enough time. So many things to do, and some get pushed and pushed and pushed. This is unlike me. I like to be prompt and get shit done. I am not a procrastinator.

I just laid awake all night. And while I lay awake my mind doesn’t stop, I mean, whose does? So it just occurred to me, in just 10 short days from now, I finish chemo!!! Holy shit. After 1 year and 29 days, I’ll be finished with chemo. Fuck ya! I guess I just didn’t realize how close I was. I’m so excited for this door of my journey to be closing. After 25 chemo treatments, adios mother fucker. Time to get ready for the next phase in this walk. 

I went to my oncologist for chemo a week and a half ago. So more fucking not so great news. Not only is my thyroid out of whack where I added another medication to my regimen, but labs showed my liver levels (or whatever the term is for what’s out of range for your liver when it’s normal), is not functioning right. Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve gone through 24 mother fucking chemo treatments and NOW my liver is going to start having issues? Like fuck you. I don’t have time for this shit (just kidding, I totally do. Like WTF else do I do?). I would just prefer not to have to deal with any other parts of my body not functioning where they should be. Haven't I endured enough? Fuck me. I hope this is short lived. Just kind of a bump in the road. 

On the plus side, I dropped 4 pounds. Hell ya! Let’s get this body bikini ready. Lol. It’s going to be a long time before that shit happens. But it will happen! Once I wrap up with chemo and my thyroid gets on track, I should naturally start losing weight. I can’t wait. 

I’m super excited to keep it moving! I’m feeling pretty good these days and it’s such a relief. I am sleeping a lot though still which seems weird?!? But it makes sense. My body is being regularly poisoned, oh ya, that’s why I’m fucking tired. I think back to some of the shit I’ve gone through and I think, fuck those days. I am optimistic things are just going to get better from here, so stay tuned!

 

How Many Days Have Gone By?

It just occurred to me the other day that I have been going through chemo for over a year now. Wow. I missed my one year anniversary from when chemo started........that day came and went like many others, without missing a beat. You almost think I would have remembered that day, because I think it is significant. So many things have happened in that year.

To be exact, it has been 413 days since my diagnosis on January 26, 2022,  373 days since I started chemo on March 7, 2022, and 173 days since I had my double mastectomy on September 23, 2022. Shit. Time flies. I had my double mastectomy almost 6 months ago. I can't believe how quickly that time has gone by.

And with what I have gone through, and as far as I have come, I still have a long ways to go, but as time ticks by, I only have 83 days until my next surgery, the biggest one yet, my DIEP flap. Shit. I didn't realize it was sneaking up on me. It sure is. I look forward to getting that over with because I suspect that will be my hardest recovery yet. Time will tell. But not only do I have that surgery coming up, even closer to now, I only have 23 days until I will be done with chemo!!!

Less than 3 months to go before my next and largest hurdle. Do I have shit I need to wrap up in the meantime? Right now, who knows. Nothing I can think of aside from my regular appointments, with the exception of finishing up chemo, which will be great.

I went for blood work, to see if the cholesterol medication I started on 6 months ago is working. It is, and it is a really low dose. Awesome. But with good news, sometimes there's other shit. And it's just that. Shit. My thyroid is out of whack which can cause a whole lot of other issues, and it is. This may be a factor in my weight gain too, the doctor mentioned, which WTF ever. Steroids, and dysfunctional thyroid = weight gain. I don't honestly care, because I would rather be a bit fatter and have my life; cancer could have killed me, but it did not. So I'll take the weight gain in order to keep it moving.

So with all these things going on, and there always seems to be more and more, I will keep pushing forward, when I am not sleeping my 12 hours a night like I have been (I thought I was done with sleeping all those hours, but apparently not), so when I am not sleeping, I will just focus on feeling good, and taking things one day at a time.

What Is Going On Now?

It's been about 2 weeks since my last post. I haven't had much to say to this point in the last few weeks, but now, now, I have some things to say, after a crazy, busy and hectic week full of appointments.

I had chemo this past Friday; I only have two treatments to go 🤞 I hope with that being said, my treatment plan doesn't change. My numbers were out of whack this time and last in regard to my thyroid, so now I am on yet another new medication. Christ, another fucking medication. This one should be short term though so that's a plus. The issue with my thyroid may be causing many other issues, since it seems that that runs your body, to a point. So let's see what happens.

I have completed my physical therapy as well. That wrapped up the other day. Was I ready to be discharged? I think so, but either way, I maxed out my insurance benefit, so regardless if I was ready or not, it's too fucking bad, because I had no choice but to be done. I have regained my strength and have home exercises I can continue to do, so I think overall I am in good shape, and certainly way better than when I started PT. The weather has also been so great, so I have been walking my dogs everyday for about the past week and a half with the exception of one, due to the weather. They enjoy it, and it's good for them and good for me too!

I had a follow up visit with the orthopedic doctor this past week as well. Time to check in on my hand situation, my brace, all that good shit. So what happened? I still have neuropathy, no surprise there given that its ben going on for almost 2 months now. He thinks I do have carpal tunnel and is sending me for an EMG to find out more. With his suspicions, he has given me 3 options. Option 1: Occupational therapy, which won't work because my insurance benefit is maxed out. Option 2: A steroid shot. Nope, not approved by my oncologist. I asked the other day when I was there. Option 3: Surgery. I immediately said no thanks, because I already have enough surgeries scheduled for this year. He also mentioned the brace is doing me some good for what they have been treating me for which was tendonitis, but it also hinders other things. So I can't win in this situation I guess. I will take it one day at a time and go from there.

Let it grow, let it grow...........my hair that is. It is growing like a god damn weed. I am not complaining, so dont misunderstand that. It is in such an awkward stage though, so I have wings all the time. Ha. Today I went out to walk the dogs, with my hair just doing it's thing. I thought about it for a quick minute, and then thought, who gives a fuck? If anything, I can only hope it'll make people not want to talk to me. Perfect. Let me just get to my shit, walk my dogs and mind my own business. I am not antisocial, but some days, I just don't want to be chatty.

Let's see what's in store for me next. Who knows, but I am optimistic it'll all be good stuff! So until then, stay awesome!

My hair....I love it! But the rest of it wants to be all weird. Whatever. I am not shaving the sides because then it'll never grow, so, ya, no.

Photo taken 02.22.2023

Are You Ready For Some...........Updates?

Update time, again, and so soon already?!? Maybe it's been longer than I think. Time always seems to get away from me. So many fucking appointments, jesus, I feel like I need a god damn personal assistant to keep my shit straight and go run my bullshit errands.

PT has resumed. Ouch. I wasn't at PT for 2 weeks due to the great Texas storm of 2023. Fucking ice storms. What an inconvenience, because you cannot drive in that shit. Was the break nice? Of course, not having to drive there several times a week was a nice change of pace. But the way my body feels, and felt once I resumed this past week, holy shit. I have never told my physical therapist flat out that I couldn't do something. I will always give it a good college try. This week, I almost muttered those words. I pushed through and did the best I could, but my body definitely recognized the break. I only have 2 weeks of PT left, and then my insurance benefit is exhausted. I hope I am ready in all the facets, and we shall see. I cannot continue going without insurance. I just got my EOB's since I started PT; they bill $500 per visit for just PT. If there is an evaluation, it's about $1,200 per visit. Nope. Not doing it. With YouTube and all that great shit these days, plus the home exercises I have, I will figure shit out.

My neck, my back (are you singing the song?). No. My fucking arm. I think I have figured out (finally), why my upper right arm has been bothering me. For a long time it's baffled me, then bam! It hit me, just like that. I am certain it is the way I am sleeping on it. Given that I have been a stomach sleeper my entire life, then I couldn't when I had my double mastectomy, and now I am back to it, but it is not the same. I just can't sleep in the same position  like I used to. And sleeping the way I do is fucking up my arm. I need to figure out how to counteract that.

Orthopedic doc said what?!? So the last time I updated this, I was just getting ready to go to the orthopedic doc. For now, I am being treated for tendonitis. I have this ridiculous brace (almost like an air cast) that I have to wear as many hours a day as possible. It keeps my wrist stable as well as my thumb. I can't do anything when I wear it, hence the annoyance. Despite that, it has been helping along with the antiinflammatory they prescribed. I go for a follow up in about 10 days or so, so let's see what they have to say then.

Fucking Medical Bills. I am sick of these god damn things. Seriously. Tired of them, but they keep coming. And they will continue to come. I received a $700 bill  the other day, knowing I have another $2K bill coming on top of that. Fuck me. FML right now.

Colonoscopy results are in! I received my pathology report. One polyp identified and removed; it is precancerous, but benign. Perfect. Because I am not all about any more cancer bullshit. I don't have the time nor the energy to go through cancer treatments anymore. Hell I haven't even finished breast cancer treatments yet. Get your shit (no pun intended) checked. Mammograms, physicals, colonoscopies, pap smears. Whatever the fuck it is you are supposed to do, just do it. Don't put it off. It could literally save your life. I am living proof of that.

WTF is with adulting anyways? I am over this shit. I remember when I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up, be an adult, not have the same bullshit rules I had when I was growing up, having the freedom to do what I want, when I want. Ya, that shit is overrated. Seriously overrated. I have done so much fucking adulting lately. I need a break. I think I would lose my god damn mind if I was working too, this shit is just too much some days.

I'm breaking out like a teenager as if I use butter as moisturizer on my face. What?!? I am 45 years old. Should I have a dozen pimples on my face? Fuck no, but I do. I have no period, and haven't in over three years due to my partial hysterectomy, so I have no clue whats causing them all of the sudden. Christ. I don't ever wear makeup, so that's not the cause. Maybe there's bacon grease mixed in with my moisturizer? Ha. No, there isn't, but my face is telling another story right now. I need to get this shit under control!

Finally, to wrap this up. I am having fun with my hair! It is maybe 2.5" long, so there isn't much length wise. Enough to cover my head for sure, and it's growing in so thick, but I just discovered the other day that it's long enough for a flat iron! Wow. I was surprised. Pleasantly surprised. So here are some pics of my hair from this week. Check out the curls. I am so over them.......

I love, love, love the spiky hair. It's feisty, like me!

Who would have thought a headband would be so complimentary? And yes, it's pink, my favorite color!

Damn with the curls. I was hoping for dark, straight hair. Of course, that's not at all what I have right now, but I am optimistic after I have done some reading that it may change 😊

Holy Shit! Mind Blown!!

Interesting day of sorts, and I felt I should share those few things. Because, why not? It is all part of the journey I am on, and I am here to share.

First things first. I had another chemo infusion today. I was so tired because I have been having a lot of issues falling asleep for some reason. Chemo was uneventful, and I was able to sneak a cat nap in, which was much needed, and I feel will help me push through the rest of my day. Yahoo!

Secondly, I finally received my compression pump. I feel like I have been waiting on this thing forever, especially since it was ordered in December! Wow. I suppose things are taking more time than normal these days, and this is just one of them. I got the tutorial on how it works, and it'll be nice to have this instead of manually massaging my lymphatic system. Score!

Third and final, I think. This is a big one. I will start with, for the betterment of yourself, your family, friends and other loved ones, don't get cancer. Not only does it suck and change your life, flipping it upside down, but it is expensive, makes you feel all kinds of ways, and treatment kind of brings your life to a halt because everything revolves around your treatment. Of course, there is way more to it, but those are the key points. I received a ton of emails saying all these claims had been finalized, so I went to check it out (because I have never received notification about any of my claims before). Yes, there were about 10, and all but one were from January 2023. Jesus, that many already.........shit.

I am going to put some shit into perspective for you.

• Insurance billed to date (since mammogram on 12.18.2021): $893,550.78
• Total plan discounts and payments: $878,733.30 (I am not sure why these categories would be marked one in the same because they are two completely different things)
• My portion to pay: $12,973.77

The figures above include my double mastectomy. That surgery alone billed my insurance company $373,894.22. Like what the fuck is my reconstructive surgery going to cost? It is unreal to think these numbers are legit. but I can assure you, they are very real. I am almost at the $1M already and I am not even close to being done. Yikes! And each chemo infusion bills my insurance for $27,707! With a price tag like that, this shit should give me eternal life, super powers, or fuck, how about a happy ending? LOL (I am kidding about the happy ending). 

In the end, all the costs involved and associated with having cancer is astronomical, yes; however, getting treatment and having surgery, I am cancer free, so that is priceless. 

This is me, today. Wild and crazy hair!!! It has been an interesting week with ice storms. It finally warmed up today but it was cold when I left the house this morning, and I was wearing a beanie. Then it warmed up, and off it came! And so, I just continue to let my hair do it's thing, and not a care in the world about what anyone else thinks about it. I'll do me. As always.

Where Has The Time Gone?

I just realized I have been in this whole thing for over a year! Wow, time really has flown. Minutes turn into hours that turn into days, weeks and months, oh so quickly. More quickly than I realized, until now. So here a look at where I've been and how far I've come.

• 12.18.2021 - Annual mammogram appointment
• 01.11.2022 - Ultrasound on right breast as a result of my mammogram
• 01.25.2022 - Biopsy on right breast after ultrasound
• 01.26.2022 - Received official breast cancer diagnosis
• 02.01.2022 - Met with my breast surgeon, Dr. Anglin for the first time
• 02.10.2022 - MRI on my breast to determine exact size of tumor
• 02.16.2022 - Met with Dr. Anglin; recommended a double mastectomy after she received the results of my genetic screening which showed I have the BRCA1 gene
• 02.21.2022 - Appointment with my first plastic surgeon, Dr. Nguyen, and first photoshoot to capture me, as is, before all my changes that are to come
• 02.22.2022 - Had MediPort surgically implanted just under my left collar bone (this is used to infuse my chemo drugs)
• 02.25.2022 - Met with second plastic surgeon (nope, not going with this guy!!)
• 03.01.2022 - Chemo teach class at oncology center & CT scan
• 03.06.2022 - Another photoshoot, just before chemo starts
• 03.07.2022 - My first chemo treatment, and my bestie by my side for support 😌
• 06.02.2022 - Met with OBGYN oncologist to discuss my hysterectomy, which will come after my reconstructive surgery
• 08.08.2022 - The last of my weekly chemo infusions, thankfully. I rang the bell!!
• 08.15.2022 - Pre-op appointment with Dr. Nguyen, my plastic surgeon, as I prepared for my upcoming double mastectomy surgery
• 09.07.2022 - Pre-op appointment with Dr. Anglin, my breast surgeon, as I prepared for my upcoming double mastectomy surgery
• 09.23.2022 - Double mastectomy surgery, and it went very well, again, having my bestie at my side 😌
• 09.29.2022 - I received the call I was hoping for, my cancer is gone!!! 💖💖
• 10.03.2022 - Post-op appointment with Dr. Nguyen, my plastic surgeon. Everything looked great! No more surgical bra needed (I had been wearing it since the day of surgery), and no more bras, period. 💞
• 10.05.2022 -Post-op appointment with Dr. Anglin, my breast surgeon. Looking good!
• 10.07.2022 - Met with my oncologist, Dr. Taboada; although pathology was great, he recommended another 9 rounds of Keytruda
• 10.17.2022 - Drains are out, FINALLY! I hated those mother fuckers
• 10.21.2022 - Started back on chemo (Keytruda), 1 of 9 rounds down
• 12.01.2022 - Started physical therapy due to the side effects from my chemo treatments
• 01.03.2023 - Lymphedema check at Dr. Anglin's office
• 01.26.2023 - One year since I received my cancer diagnosis, as I am here, in remission. Also, Thor's 12th birthday! The OG doggy!

Damn, a little over a year in review, and although every single chemo infusion and physical therapy appointment isn't listed, I sure have been busy, and will continue to be busy. 

Thor, lounging like he loves to do. And yes, he needs a haircut; but he is cold blooded, so I will wait for it to get a bit warmer before I make him cute for all the ladies again!

What's New In This New Year?

What's new? And what's not? Oh so much!

Chemo is still going, which is great. White blood cells are really good, and way sooner than anticipated, so even better. Physical therapy is still a thing, and that is going so so so well! I am really on the mend. My hair is still growing, and like a weed I may add. It's now 2" long! Wow! It's fucking out of control actually. It just does what it wants when it wants, and I just go with it. Why fight it? Lol. I don't care. Some days it's so comical, and I don't care what anyone thinks.

What else? As if I don't have enough shit to deal with just with treatment alone, because that in itself is just a beast, I got laid off from work last week. Like fucking great. I was back for three weeks only for them to say Bye Felicia. WTF? So I can handle this one of two ways. Dwell on it and let it drag me down (which by now you all know that is NEVER going to happen), or look at it that it's for the best, and this allows me now not to be stressed with work on top of everything else, and just focus on myself and my treatment. Getting stronger and preparing for what's ahead. I'll take the latter. 

Anything else you wonder? Hmmm, yes. This neuropathy thing is getting fucking ridiculous. Like seriously ridiculous. My right hand only still, which is my dominant hand, has it all going on. Pinky, nothing, no neuropathy, however, the rest of my fingers, including my thumb, has gotten worse. Jesus. I spoke with my oncologist about it because I thought it had everything to do with my chemo treatments. Nope, I was wrong. He said the chemo meds I am on do not cause neuropathy. Surprise. Wow. I was not expecting to hear that. He suggested I see a hand doctor, and so I will be doing that. Tomorrow actually. Let's see what they have to say. It's suspected that it could be carpel tunnel, but I am not gong to sit here and play this guessing game. I will leave it to the experts.

Has 2023 started off with a bang? Yes, kind of, and not in all the banging kind of ways I wish it was, but, it is what it is. I know I could have it better as some do, but in reality, I know I could have it so much worse than I do, as others do. I am grateful for what I have, and as much as I have a can do attitude and I am going to kick cancer's ass attitude, I know I am lucky, and therefore I am thankful. 

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year! Welcoming 2023 and hoping it is a much better year for me, and all of us, if 2022 was a shit show for anyone other than myself.

So how did 2023 start? With things, many things. The first being I finally started back to work, 6am on New Years Day. Happy fucking new year. It is what it is. It is nice to have a sense of normalcy that way. I mean I am 2.5 days in, so I am not about to try and jump for joy. Not yet. Those first few days of starting back and getting into the swing of things, including waking up at 530am (for those of you who know me well, you know I am NOT a morning person, so fuck me with getting up when it's dark outside), were mentally and physically exhausting. That's a good thing so far though.

What else? Still doing physical therapy three times a week, and getting stronger every time. I still have my struggles but I feel like I am really making a ton of progress and couldn't be happier with that. I know where I still have weakness, and I am working on strengthening my entire body so I can get back to where I was. The little bit of exercise I am doing to get stronger really makes me wish I could get in the gym and hit it hard. Really build my muscles back up, but I need to be realistic, of course.

My hair.......holy shit. It is now growing like a weed! I think it's around 2" long now. Fucking awesome, right? Yes, and no, because I am starting that awkward stage now. You know where you have wings everywhere, you totally have bed head every morning, and the rest of the day you hair just does what it wants. I literally dont give a fuck. Sometimes when I get out of the shower, I towel dry it and let it dry however it wants. Yesterday, that meant it looked like I stuck my finger in an outlet. LOL. I am sure when I was out and about, people noticed. Ha. Who cares. My physical therapist said she liked the look and noticed immediately. I would have looked like a junior Albert Einstein if my hair was white. I'll take it.

So I have noticed something......and I don't know what to think exactly. I am unsure. I haven't shaved under my arms in a long, long time. I did a few times because my hair grew back and now, nothing again. Seems so strange. I am not complaining, oh no, because fuck shaving. I like that I don't have any hair under my arms again. My leg hair has gotten sparse again too. Even better. I'm going to hold out hoping that after the next time I shave my legs, it's the last. If only I cold get so lucky! It may or may not have anything to do with my current chemo treatment. Honestly I don't give enough fucks to look into it or research it. These are just my observations right now.

In my shittier world, I have developed neuropathy. I thought I coasted past this months ago when I was on the Red Devil chemo. That's when it is likely to appear. I experienced that differently than most (based on what I have read and in talking with others who have it), and I thought it was long gone and way behind me. Wrong. Fuck me. I am right handed. Where am I experiencing my neuropathy? My right thumb, index, middle and ring fingertips. Like go fucking figure. Could it have been on my left hand? No, of course not. Why make my life any easier? It's weird. I constantly have a tingling feeling on those fingertips I mentioned, and it never goes away. Sometimes it gets worse. Sometimes from the tips of my fingers to the second knuckle down, my fingers are all numb. It keep me on my toes, lol, because I have to be focused on the things I touch, pick up, move, etc., to make sure I have a firm grip. It's weirder than most things day to day.

Lots of positives, one annoyance. Not a horrible start to 2023. Let's hope things are going to continue to get better every day!

Hair everywhere!!! 

The What's What Of Wrapping Up 2022

As 2022 is drawing to a close, here's what's going on now, hoping for a better 2023. Not only for me, but everyone because this year, quit frankly, has just sucked a big, hairy dick.

I am still doing physical therapy three times per week. It has been so helpful in the short amount of time I have been attending; I really cannot believe it! I've never done PT ever, so maybe I thought it would take a lot longer to see the results, like when you go to the gym, but apparently I was wrong, which has been great. I have a whole regiment of at home exercises to do too, including self massage of my right arm due to lymphedema. It's all precautionary and maintenance, so I don't get it. Cause ya, fuck that. No thank you.

What else is new? I had another dose of chemo yesterday. Went well as normal. I got the results of the CAT scan I did last week, from my shoulders to my pelvis, all clear! Hooray, such great news. Honestly it is exactly what my doctor and I both expected, but hey, you never know. I mean shit, I was doing my annual mammogram when my breast cancer was found. Who would have ever thought? But here I am living this fucked up journey.

How have I been feeling? Fucking tired. All the time. Ugh, back to this shit again. I have been taking naps here and there, but not every day. I am just worn out. The days I get 12-13 hours of sleep, those are the days I wake up and feel like I have the energy to actually get shit done around the house. But as you can guess, I don't get 12-13 hours of sleep every night. Bummer. I think going to PT three times a week then chemo, I am just out and about more than I have been since before this all started and it's just wearing me down. I haven't even started back to work yet (another story for another time), and when I do, I am guessing I will just be that much more exhausted. I am looking forward to it and not, all at the same time. I don't want to be any more exhausted than I already am, but I want my life to have that sense of normalcy. Ya, that would be great. (Thanks Mr. Lumbergh).

In other news, I got fitted for compression garments. Like WTF are these? I almost feel like I am not old enough to know what the fuck these are, but guess what? I do now. My PT recommends I wear them all day, every day. They will help with potential and noticeable swelling. I got fitted for my right arm (where the lymphedema is likely to occur), and then for both legs because my ankles have been swelling randomly?!? I dont even know WTF is up with that. So I wore them the day I got them, then took a day off, then wore them. They are uncomfortable. Allegedly it gets easier as time goes on, and maybe I'll get used to them, but I would rather just not have to wear them at all!

My hair continues to grow. I was FaceTiming with my son today, and he said, wow, your hair is all over. Fact. Ya. I said it's a bit out of control now that it's growing, it just does it's own thing. And my head is still cold at times.........I am waiting for my hair to get longer so this is a thing of the past. I don't mind wearing a beanie or hat or whatever, but I think it's just extra when I do that when I go to bed 😒

So out the door with 2022, and like my new hoodie says..............