My Final Post, And I Am Closing This Chapter Of My Life

Today is December 18, 2023. 2 years ago to the day, I had the mammogram that would forever change my life. And here I sit, 2 years later, cancer free, and couldn't be happier. 

I have been through the wringer over the past two years. Chemo, and lots of it. Surgeries, 5 in all I think. Too many. Losing my hair. Having to go to physical therapy because my muscles got so weak I could barely support myself. Gaining weight because I was on steroids with chemo so I didn't get sick. Sleeping an ungodly amount of time, and still doing that. Many physical changes to my physical appearance, mostly being scars all over my body. 

All that being said, do I regret any of it? Not at all. It was more than trying at times, and I cried due to the pain after surgery, and it super sucked, but look at where this journey has led me. I am cancer free! So no regrets despite all the hardships I faced. I hope I never have to go through this again, and it's highly probable I won't, but I think I would do it all over again, unless I am an old lady. Then I'll say fuck it, knowing I lived my best life (hopefully), until I peace out. But who has time to think that far ahead in the future? My time is now.

What do you do when you got a chance to start life all over again? I want to do everything. Literally every single thing I can. I know it's hard to describe how I'm feeling, but I literally feel like I am starting over, from scratch, at life. It's bizarre, and I have no doubt, reading it is the same. I could live in the should of, could of, would of, but I never have and won't start now. So it's that time to live my best life and do all the things!

To those of you that have followed my journey, reading it here, talking to me and supporting me throughout, shuttling me around, taking care of me, doing things for me that I was unable to do myself and visiting me during the course of all this, I cannot thank you enough. Without the support, I can't say things would have been the same. I am so lucky, in so many ways, and I am free.......

Every time I hear the song by Sia called "Alive", I sing it, out loud, every time, and it just makes me think how fortunate I am.

                I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
                Where the wind don't change
                And nothing in the ground can ever grow
                No hope, just lies
                And you're taught to cry into your pillow
                But I survived

                I'm still breathing, I'm still breathing
                I'm still breathing, I'm still breathing
                I'm alive
                I'm alive
                I'm alive
                I'm alive

                    

The End.

Sia - Alive video

If Cancer Had A Face, I Would Punch It..........

Fuck cancer. It's just that simple. I've seen so many people go through this horrible disease, and then went through it myself. I'm over it. So over it.

So what's happened the last two weeks? I had an appointment with my breast surgeon for my one year check up (a bit late, but she's a popular lady), but either way, my one year check up since my double mastectomy. Everything is good, looks good, feels good, etc. Yahoo! I go back for another check in 6 months to see her, but still going to her office every 3 months for my lymphedema check.

I also had an appointment with my oncologist. He checked my levels via blood work. Everything looks good there too, and even better than it has in the past. Yahoo again! He wants me to get another CT scan, as a matter of protocol, and I will do that next week. He did make it known that he does not have any concerns, and this is just a check since my last CT scan was in May (I think?!?). I am not worried myself, but I think, just like last time, it will give me peace of mind.

So lastly, guess what? I got my 3D nipple tattoos done a few days ago. OMG. Wow. Holy Shit. All the things. They just look amazing. So amazing, I am stunned. This tattoo artist, Marie Sena, knows her stuff. She does great work, and now I understand why my PS partnered with her for this final step. My tattoos are healing, and it'll be about a week before they are all completely healed, but already I am more than impressed. My boobs almost look weird to me. Like back to how they used to look with some additional scarring and are perkier than they were, but just as real as they will ever be. Image that. How great that technology has come this far.

I am working on building my strength back up, and in due time, hopefully sooner than later, I will be back at it. Back at all the things I want to do, that I used to do and for all those things that may come my way........I'm excited. What a ride this has been.

Decision Made

After thinking this over for a while, I have decided to move forward with 3D nipple tattoos. My PS office called me a few weeks ago and scheduled that appointment; I told her I was still undecided. but yes, let's book this appointment before all the spots are filled up and I have to wait. I want 2023 to wrap up with a bang! Let's just get this shit done.

So my tattoo day is December 15th; I am just shy of two weeks away from this. I haven't looked at any 3D nipples since the beginning of my treatment, nor do I have any in mind. I think I will just go with some "standard" ones. I have seen some interesting ones in the past when I googled them..........and trust me, you can find them too. The most unique ones I saw, each nipple was the tongue logo from the band "Kiss" (see below if you don't know what I'm talking about Willis). I mean that takes super fan to another level and then some. I am not a super fan that much, of anything. Ha.

Sometimes you have to leave it to the experts to do their job because they are the subject matter experts. Period. It's just that simple. I absolutely trust all my doctors, especially on this cancer journey I have been on. They do this every day. I went through this once, and I'm good. 10/10 I would not recommend cancer; as if we have a choice. But do what you do and pray it away if need be. 

I am looking forward to getting my first ever tattoos that I won't be able to feel. Ha, jokes is on you cancer, I get nipple tattoos and no pain! With the feeling gone from my chest down to below where my belly button used to be, I could get a mural! Not happening.

I am so so so close to wrapping up not only my cancer journey, treatments, surgeries, and tattoos, but also 2023. I am starting off 2024 in style, and I can't wait!

I mean, really? Is this what you want to see as nipples every time you look in a mirror? Hard pass for me. But to each their own, live your life and do what makes you happy!

I Am Free! No More Restrictions!

That's right! I am free. It's been 6 weeks since my surgery and I have no more restrictions! At least that's what I was told, so I am running with that, maybe literally!!

I can do whatever I want. No more exercise restrictions, lifting restrictions, activity restrictions, sex restrictions, and the list goes on and on. Yahoo!

I am looking forward to doing all the things, although I have been down for the count for so long, it is going to take me some time to get my stamina built back up. I have slowly been working on it; weather contingent, I take my dogs for a walk twice a day. I figured that was a good, healthy way to start because I needed to "take it easy". It's a good introduction for me, and gets the pups out getting some exercise too.

I still haven't decided on nipple tattoos. The 3D tattoos look so realistic it's crazy. Part of me thinks, just get them, and complete the circle of looking as much like "normal" as I can, and the other part of me thinks, fuck, I have been through enough, why do more to myself? But, there's a huge pro in 3D nipple tattoos. Not only for aesthetic purposes, but because I had a double mastectomy, all my nerves were cut, and therefore I have no feeling in my chest. Well hell, basically from my breasts down to below where my belly button used to be! NO feeling. It's weird, and I get ghost itching, which super sucks.

So what to do, what to do? If I end up deciding to go the route of 3D nipple tattoos, I will have them done next month, in December sometime. If not, I am completely done with all this! All this time I have waited! Wow! 

So I am going to ponder my options a bit longer, and once I make a decision, I will share it. What to do, what to do? 

Guess Who's Back.........

Guess who's back? Back again............(Thanks Eminem for those lyrics spinning around in my head when I am ready to write this blog and I was thinking of a title 😀 )

I am back oh so soon, sooner than normal I guess. But I have more to tell, which is why I am here when I am.

I went for my final post op appointment today with my PS. Yahoo! Last one! He said I look great (and I completely agreed). He said I have nice symmetry (and I do), so everything is great. He is very happy with the way my incisions look on my hips as well as my flaps and how they are healing up too. Perfect! I think the same! He said "you're doing great!" and I told him I couldn't have done it without him and thanked him profusely. He also mentioned that I am still very swollen, and even if I am, I feel like I look so different. Different, better. He said my swelling is going to last about another 3 months! Yikes!

I am nearing the end of my restrictions with him too, which is fabulous! I am tired of being told what to do! LOL. Not really, but it'll be nice to be able to do whatever soon. Not having to think about lifting this or that, or moving this way or that way, or not! 

He mentioned the next step, wait, what? The next step?!? I totally forgot! I think I have been so focused on my current healing that I forgot all about it. He mentioned nipple tattoos. Holy shit, that's right. I can do them or not and to be completely honest, I don't know if I am going to do them, or not. I have time to consider it though. If I decide to go through with them, I will have them done in December. That's right, wrapping up 2023 with a bang! It'll be new year, new me, all over again, but to live the best life yet!

It's Been One Week.......

It's been one week...........are you hearing the Bare Naked Ladies song? No? Here you go.....  https://youtu.be/fC_q9KPczAg?si=E5H26TvFGKGlnokF

It's been a week since my last update, but I just had to come back and share my good news. I had a post op appt with my OB Oncologist yesterday. I didn't think much of it, and went as scheduled. He gave me the great news that pathology came back and no cancer was detected in my ovaries! Yahoo! Perhaps you are wondering if this is something I was concerned about? No, not at all, however, given my BRCA1 gene, this was a very real possibility. Now, regardless that I have this gene, all possible cancer dwellings have been eliminated. Take that cancer! One less thing to have to ever think about.

Something else I learned at my appointment. I am now officially in menopause and was the moment my ovaries came out. I didn't realize it was instantaneous. Wow. Naturally my next question was about HRT (hormone replacement therapy). I have no idea if this is something I should consider or not, or how this situtation is handled. Every woman is different, of course. So what my doctor told me was the following: the average age for women to go into menopause is 48.  Holy Shit! I had no idea the age was that so young! Given that I am so close to that age, they will not put me on HRT; unless my symptoms are really bad. It's been two week since surgery and my body is already in that stage, so my symptoms are already showing themselves. He said if they aren't bad with what I have experienced the past two weeks then I will be good to go! Fantastic! It really hasn't been bad. I get hot and cold on and off at night while I am sleeping, and an occasional MILD hot flash (they were so much worse while I was going through chemo), but that's it! I'll take it. He said imagine if every woman had all the worst symptoms you hear about. The world would be full of a bunch of homicidal women all running around. Lol. He's right, and clearly, that's not what's happening. Thank god!

So now it being two weeks out from my surgery, and one week since my last update.........how am I feeling? Almost back to normal. Almost. I am not 100% yet, but I am getting there. It's so nice to feel "normal" again. Almost all of my bruises are gone too. Wow. My PS said two weeks, but when you look at yourself right out of surgery, you honestly think there's no way I am going to be back to myself in such a short amount of time. Of course, he has no reason to lie to me, and hasn't. He has absolutely set the expectations very realistically each time. And here I am, almost completely good to go. I still have internal stitches, but in due time, those will go away, as they did the last few times. 

I am so very close to being finished with all of this, and I am more than ready to move on, and put all this behind me. Fuck Cancer! 

One Week Post Op Update

I am here for my one week post op update, and it's good! I am having challenges, no doubt, but I see a noticeable difference every day, in positive ways!

Let's talk about sleep. The first few days I was on pain meds, and let me tell you I didn't realize how loopy I was when they released me last Friday until a few days later. LOL. I wasn't apparently making much sense (so I was told). The first 5 days sleeping, pretty easy. Sleeping on my back and elevated, like before. Super sucks but it is par for the course. Every. Single. Time. I hate sleeping on my back.I am glad that this is it and when I am healed I will be sleeping on my stomach once and fore all! I was sleeping on the couch because I found that was the most comfortable spot for me to not only sleep, but then to be able to get myself up. The other night I was sleeping on my side. I naturally will gravitate to this position knowing I can't sleep on my stomach just yet. Last night I slept in the guest room to have the whole bed to myself, and Madison decided to sleep by me which was sweet). I went back to the routine with sleeping with my maternity pillow thinking that would be more comfy for me too. Well. I didn't sleep good and had the hardest time trying to roll over to get comfy laying on my side. Ya. Not good times. This struggle is real, all over again and I am not digging it.

On another note, every day I can move better. Sitting up is by far the hardest thing for me to do. I do the best I can, and I am sure if there was a camera on me, we would all be laughing at how stupid I look. Listen, I am fine with that. Whatever I have to do to sit up is what I do. I can wait until my stomach muscles are stronger. It really is the pits trying to deal with that bullshit.

I have been wearing a compression bra and a binder. Today is my last day! Hooray. I dont' know if I will miss them or not to be honest. Showering is getting noticeably easier every day to. Bending over is a challenge, and although I am slow moving, I feel like I can bend better every day. I only do it when I have to though. I have been laying around all week not doing shit, sleeping 12-14 hours a night, and I think it's all for the betterment of myself on this final healing journey.

Let's talk about what my body looks like. OMFuckingG! I have bruises the size of cantaloupes in a few places on my body. Christ. I have some near my boobs too. They are big and nasty and are going to take a long long time to heal. How long? I don't know, but now that we are in fall and pool season is over, who cares. I have until next summer to give a fuck. Everything in due time. I am still swollen too so I can wait to see as the time goes on and I shrink, what the final outcome will be. I am super optimistic, I'll expect to be completely happy at the end of the recovery road.

The next thing for me to consider is if I want to do 3D nipple tattoos (if you've never seen a 3D nipple tattoos, seriously google it, this shit is amazing)! I have not yet decided and I have time to think about it as my PS wants me to wait 3 months to give my new incisions time to heal. So while I ponder that...............I'll be back when I am back with more good stuff!

Done......Done and Done!

It's time for me to make note in the record books. I have finally finished my cancer surgeries! WooHoo! The last 2 just took place on September 22, 2023, just 364 days after my first major surgery with my double mastectomy. It's all wrapped up in less than a year. Incredible. Just incredible! I am ecstatic to be done with this part of my journey.

So its been about 48 hours since I got home from the hospital; how am I feeling? Alright. Not horrible and not great. To be expected. Am I sore? Oh yes. I am sore, no hiding that. I move around really good sometimes, and other times, not so much. I have been sleeping pretty good and that in itself is great! I think that'll help me heal faster than anything right now. I have decided to sleep on the couch for several reasons, and it's working out perfect. I can get up and down by myself (my bed is way too high to try to climb into), and I have lots of pillows to support me as I have been having to sleep almost sitting up. It is the most comfortable way believe it or not.

I have a binder around my stomach and a compression bra on. I have not seen what I look like just yet, as it's not time for the unveiling at this point. From the outside and not being able to see the up close details, I think I will look great when it is all said and done. I have some horrible bruising going on right now, but that's the least of my concerns, and I was told that was to be expected.

I am doing work around showers, and so far so good with them too. At least it's temporary and I feel like I can get clean every day, change my clothes and smell decent. Lol. 

My surgeries went well I was told. When I came to out of anesthesia, I was so loopy, so tired and not with the program at all. I could barely keep my eyes open to talk to the recovery nurses. So I feel like I probably missed a lot of what I was told, but I have nothing concerning me at the moment. I had some minor bleeding in my vaginal area as that where my ovaries were removed from. Interesting. I didn't know that's how they were going to come out since the surgery was laparoscopic. I have learned new things with each step I take through this. Good stuff though.

I am beyond happy top have these surgeries over with, to start getting my life back on track to do all the things I want to do, maybe the things I haven't been able to do because of chemo and all that shit, but not anymore. Once I heal from these surgeries, I am going to hit the ground running.

It's Almost That Time

It's almost that time, time for the last of my cancer surgeries! WooHoo! 10 days to go........pre op appts have been completed, so now it's just time to sit tight and wait....

I had my pre op appt with my PS and he went over all the areas he is going to "fix". Honestly from what he told me, I cannot wait to see what the final finished product that will be my new body, turns out to be! It all sounds great!! He assured me this will have the lowest amount of healing time (yeah!) and also the easiest. Fucking A! Save the best for last! He said I have two weeks of healing time and that's it, Wow!! After the two week period I can resume all normal activities. After all the shit I have been through over the last year and a half, the best is ye tot come, I mean, aside from being cancer free!! So do you want to know what he is going to do? I have "dog ears" on my right breast that he will remove, along with one near each hip where my drains were. He will also revise the scars on my flaps on my breasts, remove the scar tissue where I had my port, and fix my lower belly. He is not doing a scar revision on my stomach however. It's fine. It'll heal and be colorless in due time. 

I also asked him about my belly button and why I had to pack it all this time and why it closed and what's going to happen with all that. Simple and totally feasible explanation I should have thought of on my own, but didn't. The hole is where my original belly button was. Despite him removing the skin, the belly button was still underneath that skin. Right. Because it was an open wound so to speak, it needed to heal from the inside out in order to avoid an infection. Ah-ha! Yes, makes so much sense. And that's done, so no belly button it is. Now it's really confirmed. Ok, good enough.

I know my oophorectomy surgery should take about 15 minutes in total. Insanity. My OBGYN is using a new robot that he said is perfect for my surgery. Awesome. Then my revision surgery should be about an hour. Nice! I will go home the same day; no nurses will have to take care of me this time. I will have to wear a compression band for a few days and also a compression bra for a few days. Not too shabby.

I also already went to the hospital and had my pre op crap all done too, so now I am playing the waiting game. Only 10 more days to go..........then adios mother fucking cancer bullshit! I can't wait!

I'm Late............So Sorry, I Am Here

Well fuck me, time is getting away from me lately. Better late than never and here I am for an update. What's going on? Hmmmmm.........stuff and things. Lol. Nothing major to report, fortunately.

I met with my oncologist today. My blood work results didn't come in in time for my office visit, so I am waiting on a call from them. Hopefully no news is good news, and therefore I won't get a phone call. I haven't noticed any substantial changes, so I am guessing everything is still in line. Fingers crossed. 🤞

I have noticed something new, a few weeks ago and wanted to talk about it, and then kept waiting and waiting.....ugh. Her I finally am. When I did my last surgery almost 3 months ago, there was tissue and skin from my stomach that were added to my breasts. For the longest time, I didn't notice the stretch marks within the flaps in my breasts, then one day I looked in the mirror, as I had several times in the past, and bam, noticed them, how funny I thought that all this time I didn't see that, and now I'm noticing it. Granted there's been a lot of changes to my body over the last year and a half, but still, you think I would see that. Then this.......because the skin was taken from my lower stomach, not only are there stretch marks on that skin, but also peach fuzz! Like WTF?!? So funny to me, again, a delay in noticing the peach fuzz of hair that is in the middle of both my breasts! I know it won't be there long term or to stay........with the flaps being removed with the next surgery, that means the stretch marks and peach fuzz go too! Nice!! 😊

An update on my belly button, not belly button. What? WTF does that mean? So I was packing this mother fucker every day for 2.5 months, getting gauze shoved in what I thought was my new belly button, which my PS created for me. I think I was wrong. I stuffed it for as long as I could and it appeared to be closing up, smaller and smaller and tighter and tighter. I called my PS office. Yep, I was told it will close, when it heals from the inside out. Well fuck me. I thought I had............ya, apparently nothing. Ha. I have my pre-op appointment coming up later this week, so I will find out more then.

So what's next? My final two surgeries are approaching. 17 more days to go and all my surgeries and this breast cancer journey is one more step to being finalized! I am eagerly awaiting the day to get here, so I can get on the path to final healing and recovery, and get back to "normal". Why did I say "normal" like that? Because I have been reading. I recently learned that I will never go back to what was my normal and I will have a new normal. Apparently your body never actually fully recovers from chemo treatment. Well What the FUCK? Here I am thinking all things will slowly return to what they once were, or not. Apparently not is the answer. Mind you, I have noticeable side effects to this day, but I figured give the chemo a good long time to get out of my system, right? Nope. Wrong. The average person has their blood work return to what it should be about 9 months after the last chemo dose. I have already beat the stats on that as my blood work is and has been stable. Awesome since I am only 5.5 months out from my last chemo treatment.

So what does my new normal look like? I don't know yet, but I hope it means I get back to doing all the things and more that I enjoy. Traveling, baking, spending time with Graham Cracker, to name a few. Then new things I want to do.......roller skating (trying that out a little already), learning to play the violin, skate dancing, and most importantly flor my overall health is getting in shape by taking bungee aerobics and trampoline aerobics. They sound like fun!

I can't wait to get my life back on the right track and try new things. At 46, I am planning on starting to live my best life ever!

My hair is still growing..........so much so that I have started shedding it again!

I 💕 my pigtails!

No News Is Good News, Right?

Yes, no news is good news in this case. Nothing significant is going on right at this moment. I have my surgery scheduled which is about 5 weeks from now. Of course I have pre op shit to do and all that, but not quite yet.

Can you believe I am still packing my belly button every day? This fucking thing still hasn't completely healed. WOW. I didn't expect this to be a fucking summer long commitment for the love of god. Kids were still in school and are now back in session and I am still fucking with this thing. It's so close to being healed......so so so close. I will be seeing my PS in a few short weeks, so I will wait to see what he says then.

Overall, I think I am feeling good. Not 100%, but complaining doesn't get me anywhere. I just take this time to think back to where I was a year ago, with my bald head and going through chemo. How worn down I was and sleeping.........ALOT. Sleeping is still something I feel like I need more of than I should, and I do what I can to get enough sleep every night. Most of the tie though, I don't think I sleep as much or as good as I need to. Still working on that getting comfortable part of all this.

On a funnier note, I finally have my hair in pigtails. Two, not three like I have been wearing my hair. It has been so god damn hot here, and although I don't really spend any time outside, I still dont want my hair touching my face or neck. And as my hair grows, my god, the curls are curlier than ever! When will it stop? Now I feel like it's a challenge in a way to see how long my hair will get and if the curls stay in tact or eventually fall out..........

That's it this time around. Keeping it short and sweet but wanted to check in. So until there's more news in a few weeks, I'm out!

I know you can't tell from the pic, but my hair is about 5"-6" long now. 💖 it!

Every Day I'm Shuffling......

Just kidding, I am not quite there yet. I am not shuffling every day. Yet. I plan to get there sooner than later though. Sing that song and think of me, wondering if that's what I am doing in the days, weeks and months to come 😂 Perhaps that'll come in a future update. The day where I say, every day I'm shuffling......

Today marks 7 weeks since my surgery. Yahoo! Not doing cartwheels yet either, but feel free to ask me sometime, I will be doing those too!

Healing is going well. I am finally sleeping more comfortably, but admittedly so, sleeping on my side. I just couldn't sleep on my back anymore. It was so uncomfortable. I was so uncomfortable and my sleep was so broken, I said fuck this. It's just more natural for me by far. Since I have been able to get comfortable, I am sleeping so much better and I am glad. I slept good in the weeks immediately following my reconstructive surgery no thanks to the pain meds, but those are long gone. 

Would you believe that I still have to pack my belly button every day?  Like holy shit. I thought this would be long over by now, but no such luck. I had to send a picture of my belly button to my PS the other day for them to see how it's healing. I think it's doing great. No longer bleeding every day when I pull the gauze out, woohoo. No more crime scene in my master bath. When I talked to the doctors office about this a week or two ago, they said I will have to do this for a few months following surgery. Christ. Didn't expect that. 

So it's summer time as we all know. It's been over 100 here in Texas every day for I don't know how long to be honest. It's fucking hot. Really hot. Not that I spend a lot of time outside, but even still, when I go out, I think nope, not today satan. Sometimes it feels like what I imagine hell is like. Lol. With the heat, the pool sounds refreshing. I asked my doctor about this, and it seems like this summer will come and go and I will not be getting in the pool. I have to wait until 3 weeks after I am done packing my belly button when it is fully healed to be able to be submerged in water, whether it be swimming or taking a bath. Well shit. That sucks. It is what it is though.

The best news to come about aside from me feeling better every day is my final surgery is currently scheduled for September. Fantastic! I am almost there, less than 2 months away now. Wow! I cannot wait. My doctors are working jointly on me so this will be it. Dang. How awesome. Healing from both won't be bad either from what I'm told which makes me even more enthusiastic. Getting there, slowly.......I am a year and a half into this journey and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! 😚

Every Day Things Are Getting Better

Every day things really are getting better. Between the way I feel physically and how I am healing from my surgery, the things in the months to come, my hair growing and growing...........it just keeps getting better.

I went today to meet with my OB oncologist. He is the one who will be removing my ovaries. He sent me for an ultrasound after the last time I was in his office. I got the results of that today. He told me how big each one was and said they look great, are in place, and there are no cysts or anything else. Great, cancer can't even try to attack them. Nope. Fuck you cancer.

I also discussed with him wanting to do my surgery and my next and final surgery with my PS with them working together. Yep. He said that his office has already been in contact with my PS office and they will try and get it scheduled for mid September. How fucking fantastic! I am so glad these doctors are as great as they are, willing to work side by side or whatever you want to call it. That means one and done. Fucking phenomenal!

So today is my one year hair anniversary. What does that mean? It was one year ago today that my hair started growing back. I straightened it today too. Best part is I don't have those whispies or fly aways anymore. My hair is finally long enough that it just lays down. Wow! Cool. It looks weird to me because it is so damn curly all the time, and I haven't straightened it or attempted to in months.

I was finally finished with my antibiotic last night. Yahoo! Those god damn horse pills that tasted horrible are a thing of the past! I am elated. They did their job and took care of the infection I had which is super. Finally back on track. I still have a few (maybe 4?!?) open wounds, and in due time they will heal. I am looking forward to that because once they are healed I can go back to the pool and get some relief in this ridiculously HOT weather. This shit has really been off the charts this year. I've just been chilling in the AC resting anyways, so it's not that it matters much to me.

What else? I was able to have a cocktail today! Nice! I haven't had one since before my surgery. Not that I drink a lot, but sometimes, it's just nice, refreshing, and the adult thing to do. It was one and done for me, for today anyways.

So what was the best part of my day? Going back ot the beginning of talking about my doctors appointment today.........I asked him what my expected recovery time is from this oopherctomyr is. I fully expected 4 weeks; similar to a hysterectomy since they are working in the same area, blah blah. Nope. I couldn't have been more wrong in my thought process. It is one week. WOW! Great news again. Not only that, but he is using the newest robot on my for this procedure (because although it is a surgery, it sure isn't being sold like one), and he will be able to completely avoid the areas where my most recent and invasive surgery was. Well holy shit, sign me up and let's do this!

So I'm grabbing this these cancer titties by the nipple and ripping them off (hey, I am already missing them). It's time for me to get my life back. I cannot wait. All good things coming in the future!

Here's my straight hair. Not bad. In person, it looks like my ends are frosted blonde. Ha. I bet it's the white, the color of what my hair was when it first grew back. For now, I'm leaving it as is!

Bye! Bye! Bye!

Bye, bye, bye..........this last drain is gone as of today! Woohoo! I am so glad! No more inconveniences. It is going to be so much easier to shower, get dressed, go to the bathroom, just everything. And no more emptying the nasty ass body fluids out of the drain bulb. What a win! 

So obviously I was at my plastic surgeons office today. All in all he said I look great and I'm healing nice. Awesome. I did point out the quarter sized opening on my left breast (it came about with the infection I had a few weeks ago); he said not to worry, it looks good and when I do my touch up he will remove it and make the scar one. I thought that's what would happen and I was reassured hearing that from him.

He also mentioned that my belly button is looking great and healing up nice. He said I will notice a substantial difference over the next 2 weeks and it will look fantastic when it's all said and done. Nice! I went from thinking I wouldn't have a belly button to having one that'll look great. Perfect. I still have to stuff it with gauze daily after my shower, probably for the next few weeks. I think it will be self explanatory when I can stop doing that. But if I have questions, I know I can call. 

I had to ask about sleeping on my back and when I can go to my side, because I am 100% positive right now that sleeping on my stomach is NOT an option. It's even uncomfortable when I lay slightly on my side, but more on my back. He said a firm and solid 3 months; no negotiating on that. Well Shit. I am one day shy of 4 weeks out right now; so another 2 months to go. Fuck me. It is going to be rough. He said I will heal up really nice as long as I continue to sleep on my back. Ok, well then that's what it is.

I had lots of questions today. Another one I asked was about the swelling. How long will it last? I can certainly tell I have "shrunk" so to speak, but I can also see that I am still swollen, especially my breasts. My stomach shows signs too, but I figured in part that was due to the drain. Anyways, get this. I will be swollen for 3-6 months. Holy Shit. That's a long time. I didn't expect to hear that. It is what it is now. So no clothes shopping any time soon which is fine. This way I can continue to lose weight and get down to whatever I end up weight wise and body shape, and then it'll be easier to find things that fit instead of my weight perhaps changing over the next several months.

And last but not least in terms of questions. My PS is completely fine with doing side by side surgery with my OB oncologist so I can have both my final surgeries done at the same time! Wonderful. I was so glad to hear that. So instead of two more to go, now it's one. They just have to get their schedules to align, and I have no doubt they will. It's looking like early October right now. Cool.

I forgot about one more question I asked, which I almost didn't. It seems stupid when you think about all the questions I asked today that I felt were super important. I asked if I was able to drink alcohol. Much to my surprise, he said I can (but I am going to wait until after I finish my antibiotic, of course). He said within reason. Basically don't get black out drunk and fall or do stupid shit. Yes, of course. I am not 21 anymore and I don't do that shit. It's not worth the potential hangover the next day. That and I need to heal so doing stupid shit is just dumb. Not worth it.

To close this up, I finally weighed myself last week. First time in I don't really know how long. I don't normally weigh myself here at home since my oncologist was weighing me every visit, but great news! I have lost somewhere between 15-20 pounds, WOW! I was so glad to see that on the scale. I feel good in terms of weight loss and hope it continues. All those fucking steroids over all those months and my oncologist wanting me to put on weight for chemo treatment (I get it, and I know it was all for the greater good), but now I am on the other side of it, waiting for the weight to now come off. I guess all good things come to those who wait.............so I'm waiting 😁

Damn This Drain!

Yet another follow up appointment with my PS today, hoping this last drain is coming out. Nope. It sure isn't. Well fuck me. It's going to be another week. Dammit. No thanks to the god damn infection. Had that not happened, that drain would be out today and I wouldn't have to dick around with it anymore. Today was not my lucky day.

I also mentioned my hysterectomy, which is incorrect. It is actually an oopherctomyr (removal of the ovaries) that I am scheduled for next month. I was told that is too soon, and go with the rule of 3 months. The next surgery shouldn't be for three months. Damn. But with that, perhaps a dual surgery. Oopherctomyr and touch up all at once. I am going to see if I can make that happen. Yahoo! One more surgery instead of two? Yes, please!

I was also informed today that at weeks 3-4 is likely when I will start to feel really good. Awesome, because tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my surgery, holy shit, already! It seems like it's taken a long time to get to where I'm at and then not, almost like I can't believe it's been 3 weeks already. Wow, time is flying.

So one more week of this drain and all it's inconveniences, but then hopefully that is it. I am looking forward it being gone. If it wasn't so mother fucking hot out, I would love to go for walks, but when I left the house at 845a this morning to go to my doctors appointment and it was already 90 degrees out, fuck taking walks. Not happening. Not right now.

So I will stay in the air conditioning, continue taking it easy and get the rest I need. Let's get healed!!!

Is Something Amiss?

Is something amiss? Not a question anyone wants to ask themselves two weeks after surgery. Not ever. But here I was, asking myself this very thing.

I emptied my only remaining drain on Wednesday and I was surprised at the amount in the bulb. It was more than usual, but I didn't really think too much of it. I went along, business as usual, moving around slowly. Come Thursday morning, and time to empty it again, but this time, it's different. Very different.

We all get it, if you've ever seen one, drains are gross, disgusting and can make you lose you appetite in a quick minute. Thursday morning was all of those things. The liquid in the drain bulb should be clear-ish. This time it wasn't. It was creamy in color, a hue of tan, and more than usual again. So I take some pics.

No, I am not including these nasty pictures in my scrapbook. Fuck that and all it's nastiness. I composed an email and sent it off to my PS (plastic surgeon's) office, asking, "does this look normal?"

Fifteen minutes after I sent off those pictures, I got a call. The doctor's office. Boy, that was quick. Now here I am thinking they are calling because they looked at the pictures I sent and wanted to reassure me everything is fine, and not to worry. Nope. All she said was, we will be calling in an antibiotic for you. Uhm, ok?!? She said it hadn't been sent yet, but when it is, they will call back. 

Next message I get is from my pharmacy saying I have 2 prescriptions ready. What? Two? From who? I was expecting one. Never got a call back from the doctor's office, but everything seems pretty self explanatory. Clearly I have an infection of some type. I have two antibiotics. I waste no time and go get them from the pharmacy, and start taking them immediately.

So here I am, 3 days later, and I can already tell a difference. The color and nature of my drain fluid is different, in a good way. I don't have as much discharge either, which is another positive sign. Yahoo, finally getting back on track.

I have another follow up appointment tomorrow with my PS, and I wonder if this drain is going to come out. I am really hoping so, but given recent events over the last few days, I am not as hopeful as I was. Tomorrow morning will tell.

So until then, I am going to keep doing what I've been doing; taking it easy, relaxing, and getting some sleep.

Not In The Clear, Just Yet

I finally had my post op visit today with my plastic surgeon. There's good news and not great news.

Let's start with the good news. My wound vac is out! Yahoo! The drains I also had in my breasts are gone too. What a fucking relief. Seriously. I could not wait for those god damn things to come out. They are out and I feel so much better. I still have the one that is coming out of my stomach though, and that one should be coming out next week Monday. Yippee!

So driving is easier, and that's also a plus. I had to drive to go get my prescriptions one day last week and it was more than difficult. Today, I had to drive about 20 miles to go see my plastic surgeon, and the drive home was noticeably easier. Thank god, because almost FML.

So the not so great news. The dressing that I had all over my stomach for my incision and the wound vac that was there, well that's gone. Yeah! But water ended up getting into it and caused a rash. Boo! Could it be worse? Most certainly yes. What my doctor suggested is that I go bottomless the next two days, then back to loose clothing (like the mens pajama pants I have been wearing). Ok cool, I can handle that. He also wants me to take a really good shower, water hitting me front on, whereas before, avoiding contact with the front of my body directly. I get it now. There is no more dressing so now that that factor has been removed, I'm all good. And what else did I learn in all of this when my stomach dressing was removed? I do have a belly button! That was a surprise because the day of surgery he said I wouldn't have one.

My stomach muscles are still sore, and to be expected, I think. He did mention that a few things may happen over the next few days; one being that my flaps on my chest may pop open, which he ensured me if they do, it's normal and fine. I have more than enough tissue in my breasts again. And two, my breasts may get really sore over the next couple days. Weird. I didn't ask why; what I did ask though is why my chest, between my tits and above is so itchy. He said he wasn't sure, could be my nerves and was not concerned. Ok, cool, let's see what happens from here on out.

So I am on the mend, more than I have been before. WooHoo! I hope after a good nights sleep tonight again, I will be feeling even better tomorrow.

My Worst Day Yet

Yesterday was my worst day yet since my most recent surgery. Like fuck me, I don't want to do this shit anymore kind of day.

For those that know me, and know me well, anyone could tell you I am not a crier. I rarely cry, ever.  Yesterday was everything that I am not normally. I cried so many times because I was in pain. 

My morning started off with me waking up nauseous. I can't even consider how bad it would hurt to puke. I already feel like my stomach muscles are super tight. I would think if I puked I would feel like my insides were ready to come out.

Then, I sneezed, one time, and it was a hard sneeze. OMG, my stomach muscles took all of the force from that. That was the first thing, and holy shit. Painful.

The next thing are these fucking drain tubes. There is one stitch that hold the tube in place where they come out of my body near my rib cage. They are just sore in general and getting increasingly worse as far as pain goes. To top that off, I was standing near the kitchen sink emptying my drain bulbs, went to walk away and got the one tube caught on the kitchen cabinet handle, stepped away, and far enough where I instantly felt the pull. It hurt so bad I immediately started crying. FML.

It has gotten increasingly harder to shower due to what I feel like is my limited mobility with the drains tubes being so sore. I hadn't taken a pain pill since Monday, but got a refill and took one yesterday afternoon. OMG the relief. I really thought I was over the hump, well on my way in the long road of healing and getting better every day, until yesterday. It is kind of a slap in the face, but now I am back on track, I literally laid around all day yesterday after all those whammies back to back. I think that's what I needed.

First thing Monday morning these drain tubes will be coming out, so only a few more days until these son of a bitches are done. Thank fucking god. So until then, I am going to walk slowly (my arms hanging at my sides when I walk and they sway disturb the tubes, further irritating them), and lay around with my fur babies. It is likely what is best anyways. Not that any other days are fun filled. Ha. I do almost nothing, and that's just what the doctor ordered.

Random Thoughts.....

Do you ever have random thoughts or question you want to ask someone or many others to see what kind of answer you will get? I sure do, all the time. Sometimes I ask and sometimes I don't.

Right now, one of the things I am dealing with is this horrible smell from my wound vac. It is putrid. Probably one of the worst smells ever, because I cannot get away from it.

Something like in this situation makes me want to ask people the following questions....

•     What's the worst smell you ever smelled?
• My answer: This wound vac apparatus; prior to this, I'd say a decomposing body (remember I have worked in the funeral industry, so yes, I know what I am talking about)
•     If you had to give up one of your 5 senses, which would it be and why?
• My answer: Smell. If not related to any other senses (i.e. taste), then yes. You would never smell rotting food, shit (literally), farts, cigarette smoke, whatever more than unpleasant smells that exist that you've smelled and wish you never would have. This being said, you would never be able to smell fresh babies, flowers or cookies baking in the oven. I am fine with giving up my sense of smell, anytime.

I am in many FB groups related to breast cancer, and posed the question 'My wound vac smells like......?' And here are some of my favorite responses:

•    Old garbage
•     A dog who hasn't been bathed in a year
•     If it smells bad, you should call your doctor (Ya, thanks, Einstein. I already did. It's normal) 

Old garbage is a perfect description. This is Fear Factor type shit, seriously. I am eagerly counting down the days, and as of right now it is 5 days (technically 4.5 days) until I get these fucking drain bulbs out and the the wound vac tube out. I already disconnected the device like I was told. Now to get the rest of it out......

Let's Talk Poop

Yes, let's talk poop. All things poop. Everyone does it, and no one wants to talk about it, except me, and right here and now. 💩

I just had my first bowel movement in over a week 💩 I was wondering how it was going to go........how it would feel, because my core stomach muscles are tight. I can't laugh for that reason, and the idea of having to have a bowel movement after this whole last week while I've been taking stool softeners, left me skeptical. I mean who wouldn't be thinking...Oh Shit, here we go!

I've been taking a stool softener every day, every 8 hours for a week now. Actually probably longer. I think I started taking them before my surgery. So that made me feel prepared. I have a bidet in my bathroom, so from that aspect I think I was ready to. 💩

And the moment comes, when I know it's coming, and wha-la, magic happened. Easy. The stool softeners worked. Like they should have. What a relief. Love the bidet. 💩

So I've now test the poop waters, and we are all good! So for those that were wondering, now you know 💩 Easier than I expected!

And another poop today, so twice in one day, and just as easy. For one of the things I hate doing, I am glad it's been so simple! 💩

Just kidding, third time is a charm! I don't think I've ever felt better or pooped as much (except when I had to prep for my colonoscopy). 💩

Still Loopy

So I think I am still loopy. I remembered what I wrote when I updated my blog after surgery, but I think I am still loopy because there are so many thing I wanted to add that I totally forgot about, so here I am again. 

Things I didn't know, until I knew..........laughing, not the thing to do. Not now anyways while my stomach is healing. I was watching a movie last night, laughed, and immediately discovered that is not going to be happening again. A few minutes later, I got my second reminder. It is so hard not to laugh when you want to.

I didn't realize how much caffeine there was in so many things until I got put on caffeine restriction. This is a huge inconvenience, but I am not worried about it. I think the next three months are going to fly by.

What else can I say? I forgot to mention that I no longer have a belly button! Yep, that's right. I asked my doctor the morning of surgery and he said they can "make" a new one, but he would not recommend it. He said there is no use for it, and I agree. I think I will just go without. No more belly button piercings ever again for me. Lol. I am way past that phase of my life.

My boobs are still way swollen and bruised. They look a lot bigger than I think they will end up being. I think the scars will heal very nicely overall. Still cannot see my stomach one, and that'll be a few weeks yet. 

Everything with my drains are working out great. I still don't like them, but they seems way more manageable than they did last time and that's with having 2 more! Wow. The first two should be out in a. week. I cannot wait!

That's all for now. Just enjoying daily showers again and the comfortable sleep I have been getting.

Here I am, current state. At least I can wear regular shorts. I no longer have to wear a bra and today is my first day without. I 💗 it!!!

New Chapter, New Tits

Another chapter closed, and another chapter opened, depending on how you think about it. It's been almost 5 full days since my surgery, and wow! I feel pretty good. Am I doing cartwheels and flip flops? No. I certainly am not. But my pain has completely been under control. That's a win all in itself! I made it to the DIEP side!

Let me go back a few days, it'll be short because I don't remember much. My surgery was just shy of 8 hours long. Apparently everything went great, and I did great overall. Awessome, because I couldn't have hoped for anything more. I do recall waking up and my right arm being in a lot of pain, and that was the only thing I was focused on. I was told it was likely the way I was positioned in surgery, and once the nursing staff were able to help me get it moving around, the pain was a thing if the past, that quickly!

I was up into my room after the recovery at what I recall being around 8p. I called my husband because he wasn’t at the hospital with me, to give him an update and let him know I was fine and apparently as clear as I thought I was thinking and speaking, he said I wasn’t making any sense. So that conversation ended and pretty much I remember the rest of the night was the nurse coming in every hour to check on my incisions.

I had my surgery on Tuesday morning. By mid morning on Wednesday, I was told that I’m able to go home. I was surprised and not at all at the same time. Holy shit. A major surgery that wrapped up less than 24 hours ago and here I’m getting the miss America wave off. Lol. Considering I’m not in any pain at this point, I make arrangements for my ride. 

From Wednesday afternoon until now (currently Sunday afternoon), I’ve just mostly slept. I’ve missed so much time and that’s weird, because this morning I woke up at 7:15 AM and really thought it was 7:15 PM and the sun was just going down. I think it was because I was in bed before 8 PM last night and felt like I pretty much slept all the way through. It’s weird to think that I slept that many hours but weird to think that I don’t know the difference between day and night, especially looking outside. I got up to pee, make it up to eat, take my pain medication and then it’s on repeat.

I was able to shower yesterday, which was fantastic because after four days without a shower I was more than ready. I took another shower again today, but because I’m still spending the majority of my time sleeping it seems like that shower that I just took a few hours ago was actually so much longer ago.

I just plan on laying around resting for the most part. It’s good for me to get up and walk more than 10 minutes a day, six times a day and I don’t know if I’ve actually been doing that because I sleep way more, but, nonetheless I am able to get up and get around easily enough and every day. It definitely seems like it’s not that big of a challenge. Wow, who would’ve ever thought? 

I have my first postop appointment with my plastic surgeon next week, Monday, so eight days from now. If I’m feeling this good now I wonder what another eight days is going to bring. I’m not able to drive yet because I’m still on pain medication but I have no doubt I will be done with them by that time.

So I will continue to rest and sleep as much as I need, because one of days my picture may be of me doing a cartwheel! Lol. That would be amazing! 

One last note; I am all bandaged up with more drains hanging out of me, but with that being said, I can’t really see a lot. My tits are still swollen and look huge 🧐 but that’ll change. I think at the end of this, I am going to look phenomenal!!! And I was finally deported! No more mediport for me!

So let’s talk restrictions. This didn’t even occur to me right away but probably because I’m still a little foggy. I’m not exactly sure. I cannot lift any more than 10 pounds for the next two months. After that two month period is up I can’t lift more than 25 pounds for the next two months following that. No swimming, bathing or submerging in water. And the biggest kicker? no caffeine for the next three months because it will hinder the healing of my veins. Well, this is going to be an interesting trial. But I know I’ll push through. And small small meals for who knows how long. It’s weird that not even a half cup of oatmeal in and I’m full…..

It's That Time!

It's that time. Yes, it is my surgery day. All these months I have waited and now it's here. 

I have talked to many people over this past week. I think the question every single person asked was "Are you ready for your surgery?" Yes, yes I am. I have been ready. I am ready to close this chapter and move on to the next item on my agenda.

I have also done more reading over the last week in a group I'm in that is all about this DIEP flap surgery. All from women who have it scheduled or have gone through it. It really left me even more optimistic than I've been. It is amazing to read these stories, how courageous these women are and what they've also been through, only to have the best attitude and experience come out of it. Wow, just wow! I am hoping I can be so lucky like the woman in the story I read earlier. She literally had her surgery 6 days ago and is already out and about, and said she is moving along great. She even posted a picture and she looks fantastic. I too hope I am that fortunate and feel that good in that short amount of time. 

I am leaving for the hospital in about 20 minutes. I have to be there at the ungodly hour of 530a. Jesus. That's early, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I never slept last night. I am not nervous, anxious or scared. I feel calm and relaxed. I am ready to do this. I figured I am going to be knocked out anyways, so I mine as well enjoy my freedom and move about the way I wanted to tonight. Surgery is in 3.5 short hours. Yippee!

So for now, as they say, see you on the DIEP side!

Only 6 More Days To Go!

That's right, only 6 more days to go until my biggest surgery yet! And all the things that are happening this week, WOW!

It's probably a good thing Monday was Memorial Day because the rest of this week has been busy so far and it's only Wednesday. And it isn't over yet!

I met with the OB oncologist yesterday. We discussed the surgery after next, which is the remainder of my hysterectomy. He said normally he would wait a few months after a DIEP flap, however, given that I have already had a partial hysterectomy and only have my ovaries left, it is a much quicker and easier surgery. I am going to go back and see him a month after this next surgery, and we will go from there. Depending on how I feel will determine when I he will operate. I am going to hope I am on the road to recovery quick because I mine as well heal from all surgeries at one time instead of getting knocked down, picking myself back up, just to do it all over again. No thanks. I mentioned that to him too and his facial expression told me that isn't something he hears almost ever.

I also went to my breast surgeon's office and did a lymphedema check. I do this every three months as this is a risk due to my lymph node removal in my right armpit. Well, all is good. Yes!!! That's great to hear, of course.

And the good news just keeps coming. I had to go to my oncologist office to pick up the CD from my CT scan last week. I need to get it to my plastic surgeon before my surgery next week as he needs to review it. So naturally, I had the report and CD in my possession, and read the report before I dropped it off. My oncologist hasn't posted it on my portal yet because he hasn't reviewed the results with me, but I know now, everything looks great!!! I was worried for a minute because last time I thought they posted the results to my portal even before I met with him. That was in December, so I could be mistaken.

And on to the next. I went for an ultrasound today. The OB oncologist ordered it because he needs to make sure everything looks good and placement of my ovaries. I found out today that we women have a "vaginal cuff". WTF? A vaginal fucking cuff? It sounds like a pussy lap-band. That's not what it is. But what I learned is that when you have a partial hysterectomy and your ovaries remain, they have to attach them somewhere, otherwise they would kind of just float around because they are no longer attached to your fallopian tubes. Interesting. So internal and external ultrasounds complete. At least that's over and hopefully that's the last time I'll ever have to do that. It was an uncomfortable procedure.

I also had more questions for my plastic surgeon before surgery. He's what I learned about this now. I should not have any additional scars on my chest. He will likely go in through the previous incisions. Score! That's exactly what I was hoping for. There may be one "patch", but that'll only happen if he needs more space to get in. It appears that I will also finally be getting "deported" next week (my medi-port where chemo was administered). Another win! As long as he gets approval in writing from my breast surgeon, he will remove it (and she already gave me her blessing last week, so I know I am in excellent shape). On another note, I will not be getting the feeling in my chest back. I suspected as that is what I was told a long time ago, but I didn't know if a tissue transfer, given that it's my own body material, would change that. Nope. Done deal. I am used to it by now so it's all good. The best news of all, I should have everything all wrapped up by the end of this year. Touch up surgery and 3D nipple tattoos too! Dang. That's fucking awesome. That means I am 6 months from finishing all this shit! What great news!

So what else? As of right now, only one more appointment this week. I have to do my pre op testing on Friday. I just found that out today. Wonderful. How many trips can I make to the hospital in a short period of time? Many. But it's all for the greater good, as always.

Can't wait......6 more days to go! I am more than looking forward to closing this chapter!!

Time Is Ticking.....

It's like the official time is ticking. I have 15 days to go before my reconstructive surgery. Fuck. It's really soon.

I am going to be so glad to get this over with and behind me. I really am. I think there's so many things that I have thought about in relation to my surgery that I feel like for a while I am just going to be down for the count, and I will be. I mean think about it, it's a major surgery.

I spoke with my plastic surgeon today, and have all of my questions answered, on all the things I wanted to know. I am sure he could have told me a lot more, but I did tell him early on in the conversation that I did not want the details about what it is EXACTLY that he is going to do. I explained to him that I am fine have the general idea. I think too much information in this instance would not do me any favors. One thing he mentioned is that I am the perfect candidate for this type of surgery and he would not have recommended anything other than this DIPE flap surgery I am going to have. So, basically he said it really politely. I am fat enough to move forward with this. Cool, thanks to my oncologists office who fattened me up during chemo.

So here's what I found out based on what I asked today. My surgery itself will be about 6-8 hours long. Yikes! That's a long fucking time. Man am I going to get a phenomenal nap in that day! Lol. I love anesthesia for that reason, however, I am sure after my surgery for the weeks to come, I will be sleeping more than not. Sleeping will of course, be the best thing for me after the fact. It is going to take about 2 months for me to recover, and I will have drains for 3-4 weeks after surgery. OMfuckingG! I hate those damn things. And I will have 3-4. Wow, even more magical than last time. If I thought the two I had last time were bad, now double that amount will super suck.

I won't be able to drive for the first two weeks or so, while I am on pain meds. Ok, I can deal with that. No heavy lifting for the first 2-3 months. He stressed the importance of this and how it could negatively impact my healing, which I totally get. I won't push it. I would rather just take the time right off the bat and heal like I should than to have to go back in and "fix" shit. 

My doctor mentioned I will have to stay overnight one night in the hospital, which is fine. Honestly, the last time, I think it was all good. My bestie got a break, and I had nurses taking care of me round the clock. It wasn't a bad gig. Not saying I would ever want to make a regular thing of it, but when it's a necessity, I'm there.

Dr. Nguyen did mention the worst of it will be the first 7-10 days; ok, thanks for that info. He also said my recovery would be similar to that of my partial hysterectomy since the surgery is similar, and minimally invasive. Awesome! That was great to hear. Clearly I am not going to be doing jumping jacks or anything ridiculous shortly there after, but I think I thought it was going to be so much worse. Let's hope not.

I have lots to do in the next few weeks, including a CT scan, a follow up appointment with my breast surgeon, and an appointment with my OB oncologist (the doctor who will do the remainder of my hysterectomy), and another appointment for my lymphedema check. Jesus. There may even be appointments I have scheduled that I am not even thinking about right now. All for the greater good, so let's do it!!!

What New Things Have I Learned?

 Let's talk new things. What new things have I learned? Everyday is a new day, and sometimes I have a good day and sometimes I have a bad day. Sometimes my days are meh. 

So what new things have I learned? I swear it's something every single day. Every day I really do learn something new.

I have learned that my hair loss, as far as eyebrows and eyelashes, may reoccur. Weird. I thought once I went through my initial hair loss, and lost all of my body hair including my eyebrows and eyelashes, once they grew back, that was it. I was good. Nope. I could go through it a few more times.

Another thing I've learned is it takes approximately one year for your body to recover from chemo. Holy shit. I was thinking a few months at best. Nope, I was wrong. That means I have the potential of another 10 months of these side effects. I still have some that are noticeable to me too. Well Fuck. I was thinking once I heal from my upcoming surgeries, boom, I am back in business. Maybe not. That was so disappointing to learn.

I know I've learned lots of other things, but they aren't coming to mind right at the moment........maybe it's chemo brain right now 😒

I’m Here, I’m Here

Yes, I‘m here. Perhaps a bit behind, but I am here. I have been so busy, and as much as I have been meaning to update this, the end of the day comes and I am beat. Just exhausted and wiped out. Perhaps that’s a good thing though, seems like things are getting even more back on track and back to “normal”. My new normal that is.

I have 42 days until my next surgery. Wow. That isn’t long. Not long at all. I scheduled an appointment today for my next CT scan which will be in about a month. I thought I no longer needed scans. Hmmm. It’s like, just kidding, go fuck yourself. We are still going to poke at you. Test you. Great. But then again, these continued tests will be constant reassurances that my cancer is gone and I’ll take that. Let me do whatever it is I need to do and what the doctors say so I never have to deal with this cancer bullshit again. 

So an overall update on how I have been feeling, and all the good and bad stuff. All in all, I have been feeling pretty decent. I have my moments where my arm bothers me and it’s sore for whatever unknown reason. Then there’s my inner thigh that occasionally acts up and feels like I pulled a muscle, and then I walk around limping. That shit isn’t cool. I think sometimes I over do it because I think I can do everything! then that shit reminds me that I can’t. 

I am going to just keep trucking. I can only be up from here…….

One More Chapter Offically Closed

It is an exciting time, as I have closed yet another chapter in this battle, journey, walk, whatever you want to call it. It actually closed three weeks ago, little did I know, until the other day.

I was at my oncologist for my last chemo treatment on April 6, 2023. How nice to be able to close that chapter. Move on to the next phase in all of this;  as it turns out, my last chemo treatment was on March 17, 2023. The change was due to my insurance issues (I am on COBRA as of 04.01.2023, but ll of that has not yet been finalized yet, therefore I suffer). 

I did have my labs drawn and met with my oncologist for my office visit. So that in itself is great. Despite not being able to have my "last" chemo treatment, my oncologist assured me, and mentioned he would bet his career on it, that my success rate with one less treatment, doesn't change. I am still in the same position. Wonderful. That was great to hear because that was certainly a concern of mine. My lab work showed my thyroid is still out of whack, although the medication appears to be helping. The medication may need to be adjusted and I am awaiting an answer on that (that part of my labs wasn't available when I had my office visit, it takes a bit longer than some other blood work results). My oncologist and I discussed my thyroid issue in itself. He said this is a side effect of the Keytruda, and may be a lifelong issue to deal with. Ugh, fucking great. Another medication, forever? Christ. How many pills can I pop at a time? This sounds like a challenge. Anyways, I go back in 2 months for a follow-up visit, so let's wait and see what happens then.

So now I sit and wait. My next step, the next major thing on my agenda is my reconstructive surgery (DIEP flap), which is scheduled for 06.06.2023. In the meantime, I have some other doctor appointments. I have appointments with my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon that I am completely aware of. Do I have other appointments? Honestly who fucking knows right now.

I am still sleeping seemingly more than I expected but when I mentioned it to my oncologist, he didn't seem to be alarmed by this. So I sleep when I need to for as long as I need to. I am hoping one of these days, I can sleep like a "normal" person and just a regular amount of hours.

I have lost some weight. Nothing to snub your nose at, but I am also not in line to be a Weight Watchers spokesperson. I have lost 8 pounds over the last 6 weeks. Cool. I will take that and consider it a win. Let's hope there is more of that to come.

In the meantime, I am going to keep it moving, until it's time to stop.

Happy Easter all!!

                                                 

Running Late For Another Update

Time is really flying by. I’ve been meaning to update this and the hours and days just go by. There’s never enough time. So many things to do, and some get pushed and pushed and pushed. This is unlike me. I like to be prompt and get shit done. I am not a procrastinator.

I just laid awake all night. And while I lay awake my mind doesn’t stop, I mean, whose does? So it just occurred to me, in just 10 short days from now, I finish chemo!!! Holy shit. After 1 year and 29 days, I’ll be finished with chemo. Fuck ya! I guess I just didn’t realize how close I was. I’m so excited for this door of my journey to be closing. After 25 chemo treatments, adios mother fucker. Time to get ready for the next phase in this walk. 

I went to my oncologist for chemo a week and a half ago. So more fucking not so great news. Not only is my thyroid out of whack where I added another medication to my regimen, but labs showed my liver levels (or whatever the term is for what’s out of range for your liver when it’s normal), is not functioning right. Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve gone through 24 mother fucking chemo treatments and NOW my liver is going to start having issues? Like fuck you. I don’t have time for this shit (just kidding, I totally do. Like WTF else do I do?). I would just prefer not to have to deal with any other parts of my body not functioning where they should be. Haven't I endured enough? Fuck me. I hope this is short lived. Just kind of a bump in the road. 

On the plus side, I dropped 4 pounds. Hell ya! Let’s get this body bikini ready. Lol. It’s going to be a long time before that shit happens. But it will happen! Once I wrap up with chemo and my thyroid gets on track, I should naturally start losing weight. I can’t wait. 

I’m super excited to keep it moving! I’m feeling pretty good these days and it’s such a relief. I am sleeping a lot though still which seems weird?!? But it makes sense. My body is being regularly poisoned, oh ya, that’s why I’m fucking tired. I think back to some of the shit I’ve gone through and I think, fuck those days. I am optimistic things are just going to get better from here, so stay tuned!